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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My DS, who I think has SPD, has had a really rough couple of weeks. He is getting so needy that I spend most of the day dealing with meltdowns or holding him. I am scared to take him anywhere because I just don't have the emotional energy to deal with the whining and the clinging and the unpredictability of places we might go. One kid screaming or touching him is enough to ruin a whole outing (even those I try for his sake).<br><br>
And now I am trying to come to terms with the fact that no one in my life will listen to me. DH is dragging his heels about reading the literature (or even the damn checklist!), and my mom and MIL both go through this "Oh, he's just being a boy" thing every time I bring it up. I think they are both still stuck at the "my grandchild is perfect" stage of this, and they constantly minimize my feelings. DH is always randomly saying, "I don't think there's anything wrong and you're just looking for some doctor to tell you you're right because you think that will make it go away." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I don't know how many times I've told him that I JUST WANT TO TREAT THE SYMPTOMS. I think I'm probably going to be doing this on my own.<br><br>
And my little boy is struggling. Today we were (attempting) to play catch and I asked him to hold his arms out in front of him, and he...couldn't do it. He held them every other sort of way. He just couldn't mimic what he saw. I even moved his arms into position for him, and he moved them into another position! And I can tell that he's really frustrated trying to do it. He can't do finger plays either. Maybe this is age appropriate, but EVERYTHING scares me now. Gosh, does he have motor planning problems too?<br><br>
And then the really ugly thoughts come... like what if I hadn't had DD, then I would be able to give him the attention that he needs. Or...what if DD doesn't get the attention SHE needs because I'm devoting so much energy to DS? Or what if he can tell that I like DD more - as hard as I fight the feeling - just because she is a joy to be around and he is so exhausting. I love him more than anything, but I need a break from him after only 20 minutes with him in the morning. I feel like a horrible mother... and I know that I don't play with him as much as I should because I just can't stand another minute of being COMMANDED to do things his way or to fix something that isn't broken, or to stop paying any attention whatsoever to the baby. And I'm tired of being beaten up all day long, and of trying to keep him from hitting his sister with everything.<br><br>
I'm just worn out, and alone, and worried sick. And we don't even have a dx yet!<br><br>
Thanks, mamas. I just know you'll understand.
 

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I'm so sorry. I hear you. I am feeling particularly alone with something going on with my daughter and I know what it's like not to have real life support. I reached out to people here and people have really reached back. My suggestion is do it often. Being heard is so important and I HEAR YOU.
 

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I hear you. you are heard <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br><br>
Yes motor planning from what I hear is common with SPD. Have you had an evual? IS there an organization that screens for ASD? I ask not becuase I think you kid has ASD,but becuase the SPD can be dx and dealt with quick that way. The sooner you get your son into OT the better he wil start to feel IMO.<br><br>
Sarah
 

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Your post almost made me cry because I SO know where you are. I HEAR YOU. Mine had a different type of problem, but equally draining and equally rejected as "something I fabricated to keep myself busy because I was at home now instead of working". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"> Oh yeah--they actually said that to me.<br><br>
I think at some point I really just shut the world out and focused on what I needed to do for my son. I gave up. And I don't think I ever felt more alone in my entire life. I wish I could come have tea with you.<br><br>
It DOES get better. You'll find friends who understand and accommodate what you need to tend to your son. You'll find a way to make peace with the lack of support from people who should be supporting you instead of "fighting" you (which is what it feels like). You'll find something that works for him to help you deal with your days.<br><br>
So hold on to hope.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
You are at the very hardest part of all this in my experience. I think it's really, really common to be alone it in it at first. It stings when it's your spouse and the grandparents that can't see "it" and can't be the support you need. Usually those people come around in time. But until you get there it is very hard. Not knowing what the issues are/the final dx. is also the hardest part. And then there are the times when the needs seem to great to manage and just overwhelm life. And it sounds like you're in all those places at the same time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Mostly I want you to know that you're heard. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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I am there almost exactly right now. Thankfully, dh is on board, but everyone else thinks SPD is some made up thing and he's perfect. I feel so much guilt about time spent with either child. I think if I had realized that he was going to have these issues I would have never gotten pregnant and then I feel terrible because I love having dd in my life. I feel like I am not doing enough for either of them and I am not good enough to handle it all. Even though I KNOW he has a reason to act the way he does, I still snap at him at times.<br><br>
Anyway, try to get an eval. OT could mean a world of difference for your little guy. I'm so sorry you don't have support, but maybe after they hear it from a professional they'll believe it.
 

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I'll second Rachelle: this is the hardest part. I was exactly there a few years ago and it's very hard.<br><br>
Like some said, it will get better. Your family may start to get it, and even if they don't, you'll find some support. There will hopefully be wonderful helpers (OTs and others) who see what you see and give you the information and support you need to make life for your little boy easier.<br><br>
And it's HARDER w/o a dx! Life gets easier after there are words, with their attendant support groups, specialists, books, etc. Hang in there, and stick around here. This board has seen lots of us through some dark places.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> We're right there with you. I'm working (right now, actually) on getting a dx for my DD who's about six months younger than your son.<br><br>
Thanksgiving was so bad that my parents left really early. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> She was just overstimulated and alternated between bouncing off the walls and having major meltdowns.<br><br>
I wish I could offer you something else, but for now, you're not alone.
 

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You are where I was this summer.....ODS was having multiple meltdowns a day, and I was wracked with guilt over the arrival of YDS.<br><br>
Starting OT and a brushing protocol made a worl of difference for ODS, and we have seen a serious decrease in meltdowns.<br><br>
Now, if I could just get over the fact that I don't want to spend time with YDS b/c he cries 5+ hours a day and has almost every day for his 8 months of life. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks, mamas. I feel a lot better after reading your replies.<br><br>
I am going to call the dev ped this week and see if they have any cancellations, otherwise we are waiting until Feb for our consultation, and I just can't sit here and wait for that to happen. In the mean time, I am going to go the EI route and get in touch with their OTs to get something started. He didn't qualify for anything, but they gave me the numbers anyway.<br><br>
I know what you all mean about a professional validating me, but the EI evaluator and our regular ped (who gave us the referral) BOTH agreed with me, and apparently I am still making it up, or they just don't know what they're talking about.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
He is doing much better today after a good night's rest (he has been sleeping really poorly all week). DH thinks he could possibly have sleep apnea and that that would cure his sensory issues or anxiety, which is total BS, but I suppose it could at least be a contributor. The problem seems to be that he doesn't get enough sleep, then he's miserable, then he doesn't get enough sleep....and on an on. He does a little better with melatonin, but not much.<br><br>
DH agreed to read the Out-of-Sync child last night, so I think that's a start to feeling like we MIGHT be on the same page, but I'm not getting my hopes too high.<br><br>
Has anyone had any luck with play therapy for anxiety related to SPD?
 

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Have you tried Valerian Super Calm? It's been working like a charm for my dd, and I was at the end of my rope before someone suggested it.
 

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Just wanted to add my <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">...We've been having a similar week. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>InMediasRes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14738855"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Has anyone had any luck with play therapy for anxiety related to SPD?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
DD (4) has her first play therapy appt. later this week for anxiety (mostly social). Our EI person recommended it to address the anxiety piece while we wait for the OT eval for SPD. She also provided us with some social stories about feeling anxious...if you are interested, I can get you the details. I know EI (ours, at least) has a computer program that allows them to input specifics and print out a booklet with the story in it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Let me know how it goes, beachbaby. DS has a lot of social anxiety as well.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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((Hugs)) I do not miss those days at all. And I remember them like they were yesterday.<br><br>
We had to go the prescription route for sleep and it made a HUGE difference.<br><br>
For my anxiety kids we do mindfulness.
 

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Why does hubby suspect sleep apnea? Is there snoring? Sleep (lack of) makes whatever issues exist so much worse. So if there might be apnea a sleep study is a good idea. We did a sleep study with Andrew.<br><br>
A psych. evaluated Andrew. She made it so clear to my husband--this is the dx. and this is why he fits it. His denial was gone. Grandparents took longer. But having a professional sit down with your husband may make all the difference. Time helps too. People see things when they are emotionally ready.
 

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Hi, I'm new here, but felt compelled to reply because I've been in your situation when my son was about your son's age (he's 6 and a half now). Well, to make long story short, he fit SPD to a T, did the check list, read Out-of-sync child, all after a year of looking at him SCREAM for seemingly nothing and wondering "what am I missing here?" Meanwhile of course, everyone around me was convinced that i was just looking for something to excuse my out of control, rude preschooler (I was even considering Tourette's for a while, the things he would say<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">.. but the symptoms were not right).<br>
Well.... after reading and understanding more about his struggle... it was like we climbed half the mountain! I'm not saying the meltdowns stopped overnight or that he could all of a sudden do things he couldn't do before. But knowing his triggers, knowing his limitations helped us to modify his environment a bit, and also ease up on unrealistic expectations (going to a loud amusement park for example), while doing what he sincerely enjoyed (hiking in the woods for one). And now? at his age, he seems like any average six year old, not too athletic or coordinated perhaps, but inquisitive, sensitive, very social-- with a bit of a short fuse<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">... So, what I'm saying- it will get better, I promise! Don't focus so much on the "diagnosis", but on what he CAN do.. and he will surprise you, mine does everyday!!
 
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