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I just need to vent and this is about the only place I can

723 Views 11 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  CerridwenLorelei
for several reasons

Dh is for the most part a pretty good guy most of the time but he has moments where I just want to

Yesterday we um played house and usually the day after I am sore due to fibro. Sometimes not but lately mostly. So I took my stuff last night which tends to knock me out once I can get to sleep.
I couldn't sleep last night until about 4. Insomnia and fibro stuff.
I was awake off and on but not up until almost noon. I feel pretty bad about that but like I said I did up/back down a bit.
Well he can't say use the 'well who do you think watched the boys' because my 5 and 6 yr old got their own cereal and milk.
At 12:30 he is eating cereal and other stuff with them.

I come in the lr to check email and calendar and realize I better whip out the checkbook. So I am trying to clean the house and pay bills and about 2 he says "what are you making for lunch/?" while he is EATING stuff. I say why you are munching..

Rather gruffly he says "because lunch is two hours late for me" ( he has type 2 diabetes)
UMM HELLP can you not go turn on the propane yourself or use the microwave?
You are doing downloads NOT office work while watching the races back there while I am trying to make out checks, get drinks for wee ones, dust, sweep and bag trash.

If I don't make out the checks dear the utilities will disappear you know.
I don't expect him to help with the house -there has been a thread on that before -and ds and I are trying to do the "house blessing" today so we can concentrate on school tomorrow. But I don't think it is unreasonable to expect him to fend for himself a bit or maybe suggest HE make something.I mean a microwave is easy to use!!!

I know to him it was me being lazy this morning and my own fault if I feel behind on the house...but hell man fix your own damn lunch if you are that starved while I am writing out bills. Don't wait almost two hours and get pissy with me!!!

Thanks I feel better now
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If my dh was waiting for me to make lunch, he woulda starved a long time ago...

Sometimes I think that they think that we are superhuman or something! I *finally* got it through
to my dh that he needs to get his own food after work now that ds is here.

In all honesty I doubt that they really grasp all we do to make our homes run even semi-smoothly. If they did all we do
after toddlers, :bf our
, make sure there are always clean
, cook meals,
the clothes and on and on and on.... if they did really comprehend it, they would be treating us like we deserve
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poor teen helps out a LOT especially when I am down.
I have tried to point out to dh that it is NOT fair to expect ds to help on the weekend as much as he has through the week on those weeks that he has to.
Like the two weeks I was so ill and then injured.
I KNOW he is tired from working all week, and would like to veg all weekend. However I don't think one meal or bathing the kids is too much to ask despite the responses I get.
Like I said he is a pretty good guy most of the time. I mean Despite the new developments in my health he still looks at me like he did when we walked down the aisle now and then

He thinks since ds and I run things together so smoothly why should he butt in
( umm hello three more years and ds will be elsewhere if all goes right for his cooking school)
And my dd is as big a slob as her dad. I have been working on her slowly using the flylady 15 minute thing but its still sometimes a chore ...she is JUST like him mess wise.
He only asks that his laundry be done and a path to the door and nothing else BUT if I only did that **I** couldn't stand it and I know it would eventually get to him
Great now I am just rambling lol

It just would not have bothered me so much if I wasn't already in the middle of a couple of things and he grss at me when I went in to put something up.
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Well, you could go on total strike !! I have done that before, and it didn't work. I was the one that got the most irritated over things not being cleaned up.

However, I layed it out on the line before like this:

Do you eat off the dishes in this house?
Do you take a crap in the toilet in this house?
Do you come in and walk across the floors in this house?
Do you sleep in the beds in this house?
Do you play with and pet the animals in this house?
Etc. etc.

If they answer YES to any of these questions, then they have the responsibility to help take care of the cleaning of items which are used by all members. That includes, help with the dishes, cleaning of the bathrooms, all floors, washing of bedding and clothing, and the cleaning up of cat litter boxes, or taking dogs out to use the bathroom.

It is a matter of others being responsible for the items they use and dirty, and need to have cleaned.

I hate to hear someone in this house complain because they don't have a clean plate to eat off of. WEll then, wash it. You want a clean plate, wash one. Simple. Not hard logic to follow.

I view it as : Why should I be solely responsible for ALL the cleaning in this home when everyone else comes in and uses all the items that need cleaning?

About fixing of food. Gee, I think your dh knew how to make lunch before he married you....he can certainly make lunch for himself when you are busy paying the bills that keep your household running. It isn't hard to understand. Logic says: If you are hungry, make yourself something to eat. DUH!!!! I am so sick and tired of men who whine and cry, complain and get angry when they are hungry and their spouse is busy doing something else.

I had a friend over visiting one day. Her dh called her over here and said he was hungry and needed her to come home an fix his lunch. OMG, she got up and left to go home and fix the poor grown man who acts like he is 2, a sandwich!!! How idiotic is that?

I can guarantee that will NEVER happen in my household.
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leaving to fix food bit...

I complained to him the other night when he wanted to know why I was irritated ( clean your own damn cpap)and his response was WHEN AM I HOME TO DO IT? IT TAKES AN HOUR! ( he works 9am-12am most nights)
Ok soak when you first come out at midnight or start it before you get in the shower and set a timer to wake me up
( why should I ?I only require three things of you and I don't think it is that much more to ask)
I pointed out to him that I said something to him TWO TIMES on Sunday where the little flylady sticker was on calendar and since he DID acknowledge me the second time I don't feel it is MY fault or problem that it did not get done Sunday...

I may just let the gypsies have him at renfest this weekend or vice versa LOL
No doubt.....I thought it was rediculous that my friend actually got up and left to go home to fix his sandwich. I don't mind fixing food when I am home, but I have never allowed myself to be at his beck and call like this friend of mine has allowed herself to be with her dh.

Wow, he works long hours. That wasn't a typo was it? He actually works 9am until 12am? That is very long hours. I am sorry you are having this stress right now. Maybe he is anal about this stuff with the house because he is stressed and tired.

Not saying it is an excuse to be demanding or not offering help....just making a possible observation. Maybe a vacation is in order for you and your dh.

I really hope some sort of balance happens soon for you.
Try as best you can to take care of yourself too!!

yes he is stressed at work

But I have to not be stressed trying to keep on top of the house while dealing with hsing the kids and two chronic diseases that is only getting worse and will continue to get worse -sorry He makes me mad thinking he knows how *I* should deal it instead of having a clue

It is ok for him to be gruff with us but not vice versa when I point out that he is doing what he doesn't like us to do its all me being an angry person and the bad guy as usual..

How do you take a vacation when you can't even stand to be in the same room with each other most of the time?
I can really hear your pain and frustration. I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. It doesn't sound like this is something you need to have hanging over your head while you are trying to do and deal with everything else.

I am so sorry you are in emotional agony right now. I wish I could help you out. Sometimes all it takes is having an irl friend come over and listen, have coffee together so you can just sit and spill your guts.

Can I ask.....have you tried finding a quiet moment when your children are in bed and your dh doesn't seem stressed, to just sit and talk about how you are feeling? Is he the type to be compassionate when not under stress from work?

I totally understand where you are coming from emotionally. I know it is not easy to be at home, dealing with your illness, dealing with the cleaning of the house, the task of child-rearing with not much help, and keeping the house bills going too. I really feel the same as you do. I am not dealing with Fibro, but I have had friends that have had it and I know the pain they were in. I know how one minute they can be fine, and the next they are hurting really badly and can't seem to accomplish much around the house. I have gone over and cleaned the house for them during those horrible times. I also am aware of how it was hard for them to sleep at night too. And my two friends have told me before how it seems hard to get others to really know and understand they are in pain because it sometimes *looks* as if they are making it up because of how this illness is. If I lived near you, I would be more than happy to come over and help you with your household chores.
I am thankful I do not live in daily pain as some of my friends do. But emotional and mental stress is hard on anyone. When physical pain causes a lot of that stress, everything can get compounded. I don't blame you for how you feel. You have a right to that feeling.

I also know that feeling of not wanting to be in the same room with your dh. Mine pissed me off lastnight over something stupid and I didn't talk to him all through dinner and I went to bed early too. I am still upset with him.

I hope that somehow through this day there will be a moment that will lighten you and bring a smile to your face.
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My friend gave me some great advice yesterday. She said find something you really have (want) to do and leave dh with the kids for at least 4-6 hours (kids that aren't bf). He will have a new appreciation for you when you come home. Be real nice when you come home and if he's stuttering around about the mess or what he couldn't do Sweetly say " Oh that's ok I feel like that all the time."
Sometimes all it takes is having an irl friend come over and listen, have coffee together so you can just sit and spill your guts.

Yeah if I had one anywhere nearby maybe. The closet one is three hours away and the others are further and out of state. And the try to make new ones just doesn't go over well once they find out I can't run around all the time ( no sitter other than ds at the moment for several reasons) and due to the fibro it scares them off
I mean I don't tell them right away but they usually ask about the cane...
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