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Discussion Starter #1
Dh and are devoted Christians.<br><br>
To be honest I have been in service (Mass, or AoG or Deciples) 90% of my sundays and a good part of my Wed and Sunday nights too.<br><br>
DH was a chior memeber, and a a decon and woship director for YEARS.<br><br>
We have taken DS to curch most Sundays since he was 8 weeks old.<br><br>
However we are still somewhat new to our area and have not joined a home church. We did go to one chruch for most of a year, but DH simply could not comit due tot he lack of a musice program and the lack of dedication to any sourt of music.<br><br>
We have gone to many churchs, some once some for a month or more at a time.<br><br>
Yes we are church shopping -- i know some disagree with that on prinpcapl.<br><br>
However<br><br>
I am getting very tired of the assumption that if i am new at a church i am the unsaved heathen who doesn't know squat --<br><br>
Last week we tried a new church because it has a big active chior -- and we actually had thsi conservation:<br><br>
Lady -- HI<br><br>
us -- HI<br><br>
Lady -- how old is your son<br><br>
us -- 17 months<br><br>
Lady -- so he has never been to church before? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh"><br><br>
???????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said<br><br>
"only every sunday since he was 8 week old" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><br><br>
just cuz we haven't been at YOUR chruch doesn't mean we are a zoo exhibit.<br><br>
I know i am sensitive, but even DH thought THAT was rude.<br><br>
I just get tired of the atidue when you try to find a new church.<br><br>
AImee
 

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Ohhhhh, I'm so sorry you were met with that kind of a welcoming!! ((((HUGS))))
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
i know how annoying that can be!<br><br>
try to keep in mind that with a new church (as with ANY community) people there don't know anything about you. the fact that you are indeed a church going christian is just one of many things they will learn about you as you establish relationship.<br><br>
hang in there. don't let other's zeal for new believers throw you off!
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I know you are right <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I know but it hard week after week.<br><br>
and as i pointed out to DH<br><br>
if I WASN'T a Christian -- the hard cord sell and hard come on would NOT keep me in the door but send me running. If I am bothered to be approached this way and I ALREADY agree with them on the basics... how would a real "seeker" feel being cornored like that???<br><br>
also I have never been much of the hard core sell type person. i go for the accpet them, meet their needs, kill them with kindness and show them WHY <b>they</b> <i>WANT</i> to be in the place -- then and only then can you go deeper once they are safe with you.<br><br>
Just me<br><br>
Aimee
 

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slightly OT, but my husband and i joined a new church in january where he is the new worship pastor. don't get me wrong, these are wonderful, loving people but for six weeks straight, i was greeted at the door as a bright shiny brand new visitor!! at first it was really funny and i just let it go. after three times, i was annoyed and said, "i'm a member here, my name is rachel. my husband is bryan, the worship pastor." i felt so bad because the greeters were so embarrassed. but, SHEESH, if i could remember THE GREETER's name, they should remember mine (or at least that i wasn't new).<br><br>
and then, once the greeters got it down, there was this group of sweet older ladies who were convinced that my best friend (who had been visiting with us for a few sundays) was my husband's wife. even after much convincing, they still get it wrong.<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 

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So sorry you've been treated that way <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Perhaps it will be part of your calling when you settle in to help them learn how to welcome visitors.<br><br>
For example I think a little map to the bathrooms should be in the bulletin. It never occurred to me until I was visiting a church and my little one needed to go and I had no idea which way!<br><br>
Your unique perspective can be very valuable!
 

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want another humble opinion?<br><br>
you seem to respect the religion you're with & your infinite belief overrides anything that any other human can put on you. your post bothers me b'c really, would Jesus judge your family? absolutely NOT. go with your flow & listen to your God, yk? this is between your God & YOU, no one else.<br><br>
who really cares about what this one or that one's "super correct family" does? think Jesus judges you OR them differently? no way! you shine love, thats all that matters. & Jesus himself was judged as we all conceive now, yk?<br><br>
you love your religion, you feel that you are doing right by your family... that is really all that calculates. spirit is so far above humanity... maybe you're not *supposed* to fit any particular label... what if God loves you & every decision that you make, regardless of humanities rulings - how's that for a "got your back" support? God's not judging you.<br><br>
it really bugs me, & you can totally forget about my post obviously, but it bugs me to see people in conflict with religious rules. would Jesus judge?? NO. he was judged & i truly think that that IS the message lost, love rules... love all equally.. i humbly think that *that* is his ultimate message for humankind. trust yourself & forget the judgement, it's useless in your path, yk??
 

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honesty I think you may be over sensitive and reading too much into their questions. I mean making chit chat like that is hard. At least they are trying to do more than say "hi, thanks for visiting" or worse simply ignoring you. They may have assumed he had been in nursery this whole time, or may have been asking if he had ever been to this church before, and maybe they were wondering if you were involved in a church. lots of people aren't and aren't any less Christian because of it. who knows. At least you are being singled out as a visitor in need of a warm welcome and people seem genuinely interested in getting to know you rather than just giving a brief hello and returning to what they were doing. why no take the opportunity to tell them that you guys have been to a few different churches over the last couple years but haven't found one that suits you and blah blah blah what do they like about this one. . . .<br><br>
as for church shopping perhaps approaching it from a different angle would help. I used to go and see how it felt, get all attached and then fond out everything that was wrong about it. this last time i decided to ask a million and one questions, everything from doctrinal statements, affiliations, children's programs, music volume (we have been to some so loud that i didn't feel comfortable having my children in the sanctuary), leadership and athourity structures etc etc , i even met with the pastor for 3 hours all before ever walking through the door.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Perhaps it will be part of your calling when you settle in to help them learn how to welcome visitors.</td>
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I know when DS was Worship director -- they met with the greetors and the nusery workers and anyone else who would have a good chance of meeting visiotrs and TALKED ABOUT how to approch people, how to be freindly but not do the 3rd degree, how to use open ended questions and so on....<br><br>
I REMEMBER WHEN dh WAS DOING THIS FEELING IT WAS ALMOST TOO BUSINESS LIKE -- LIKE TRANING THE SALES STAFF.<br><br>
BUT NOW I SEE WHY THEY DO IT.<br><br>
NOT EVERYONE IS A BORN PEOPLE PERWON --- soory ds did caps for you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> )<br><br>
not everyone knows what to do -- and some of the people who have been int hat church every day of thier life don't know what it feels like to walk in as a stranger. Now i see why the old church did that. not to sell, just to be welcoming.<br><br>
and I know when I ran nusery I had meeting with my workers about apporaching parents, and so on.<br><br>
I know it shouldn't bother me, just overly sensivite pregant woman who is starved for a home church<br><br>
Aimee
 

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I dunno, I would find that a rude assumption. And I'm not even pregnant.<br><br>
I don't think it's inappropriate to feel uncomfortable when someone asks the question as "he's never been in a church before?" rather than, "is this his first time at church?"<br><br>
I see a very different question there. The first is an assumption, the second is a sincere curiousity.<br><br>
It's kind of like seeing a mother with a baby in a car seat and saying, "So, you never carry him in a sling, huh?" rather than, "Have you considered a sling?" One seems rude and overbearing and presumptive, the other seems a question before proceeding.<br><br>
In the first case, it is rude. In the second case, it gives opportunity to say, "Yes, I use a sling typically, but..." and doesn't say, "I have already made assumptions about you."<br><br>
"He's never been in a church before" seems assumptive. And there's a reason we make the old "assume" jokes.
 

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Aimee,<br>
I am also an overly sensitive pregnant woman who is starved for a Home Church. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: No matter how long we go to the new church that we are at, I am honestly not sure I will see it as a home church. It is so big. It is about 4-5 times as large as the church that we came from. About 600 people come on a Sunday, and the other church that I went to it was about 150.<br><br>
Just to let you know I am really having to work on being approachable to people, and even after they are talking to me making sure that I am open to giving them a chance. Coming out of the horrible situation that we just did, I have been noticing myself having an attitude with people. Just last Sunday the Nursery Coordinator was nicely trying to explain things to my husband and I about checking our kids in, and my husband after she left said we really need to watch it to not give people a hard time unnesecarily give them a hard time. I keep praying and praying for myself to be open to the friends that are out there for me.<br><br>
I digress. Good luck with your search!
 

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Discussion Starter #14
i know i am too sensitive<br><br>
however<br><br>
i also knw i have DONE all these jobs like a zillion times (greeter, nusery worker talking to visitor ro new member) and I KNOW how i approached people and it NOT how i am being approached.<br><br>
We LOOKED at putting Theo -- 17 months -- in nusery 2 Sudanys ago -- and we walked up opened the door...the wroker (maybe 19 or 20) was standing around, NOT interacting with any of the 3 kids, and did NOT approach us to even say heloo....... i refused to leave DS there which POed DH -- but hey the situation did NOT overweme with with faith .<br><br>
dh tried to say "she is jsut young" 1. I was working nusery by 16 and i knew how to act and 2. that still doesn't mean i should trust her. and 3. if she can't ACT like she cares in front of a paretn -- then how does she act behind closed doors???!!!<br><br>
AImee
 

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This just sounds like it is not the right church for you. I have never been to a church where nursery things were highly organized or people were trained so the behavior wouldn't have bothered me much. I might not have left my children there but if you are dead set on leaving your child in the nursery you might want to call around to some churches and see which ones make training and such a priority. (seriously I have never been to a church where nursery workers were trained, screened or anything)this might also give you a good idea who is more visitor/new member friedly. if they know these answers, have systems and prgograms in place and are willing to take the time to answer them it is a good sign.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I've found that *many* churches are clueless when it comes to welcoming visitors. It's feast or famine - they either smother a visitor with too much attention, or they ignore the visitors altogether.<br><br>
My dh is a pastor. We're moving to a new church in a few weeks. I'm already anxious about meeting new people, learning names, figuring out our niche. Having already moved twice in the last five years, I can see how our churches might feel to a visitor.<br><br>
I often wish that we had the freedom to shop for a church. In our denomination, churches are assigned. Here are some of the things I would like to see:<br>
Nametags! I have the hardest time associating a name with a face.<br>
Clear directions about nursery/children's church.<br>
A nursery with consistent leadership - the same person there every week.<br><br>
I hope you find your church home! It sounds like you've encountered a whole bunch of socially awkward folks! Maybe you could try going to a Sunday school class or small group first. If you called during the week and talked to the pastor, that person could steer you towards a class that might suit you. Or you could add a hospitality question to your interview list. When you call to ask about the church, ask what steps the church takes to incorporate new members into the life of the church.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
i tried e-mailing and then talkingto the pastor and youth director first<br><br>
uh<br><br>
how to say this<br><br>
i found what they TOLD me abot eh church -- and the church we visited on SUnday -- were basically not the same church <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> al lot of them sound great talking to Pastor or YD...but when you get there, uhhhh NONE of what they talk about hapnes... or they want to talk about the vision for the future, which again has nothing to do with what the church looks like now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I don't feel we are asking too much<br><br>
decent music program for DH<br><br>
decent teaching<br><br>
good nusry and children's church that is attended to a level where DS isn't ALONE and where you can hpe -- given the numbers -- that he will have a set of freinds to grow up with. with people who are there enough that DS can form a relationship with them.<br><br>
we went to one church a few times, actually like it, but niresy worker is 16 and nice but clueless -- i took DS to nusery, i tried to leave....she didn't get out of the rocking chair to interact with him (only child) or shut the door after me -- he followed me giggling. i took him back, shut the door and tried to leave, he pounded the door laughing (NOT CRYING) and she honeslty said "wanna go find momma?" and opened the door for him!!!!!!! uhhh how am i supposed to go to service? i have spend the last 3 sundays in nusery with both of them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Theo is really starting to like her -- she sat wiht us for joys and concerns in service last week and he sat on her lap not mine, but then would still not stay in nusery with her. she doesn't play with him, she isn't protactive -- ie trying to distract him when i leave, trying to get him into something -- she just lets him follow me, or brings him to me (he was asking for YOu). NOW I want that if he is crying and she can't calm him or distract him -- but he was never crying, much less did she try to distract him first. he is not that hard, he like to play and be with people we do not have any seperation issues going on.<br><br>
DH wants to meet with the Pastor for that church and talk -- ok, whatever.<br><br>
i'd like woman's bible study,a nd couples small groups -- but they are not one of the requirments.<br><br>
so we keep trying <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Aimee
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Aimee21972</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948496"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Lady -- so he has never been to church before? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh"><br><br>
???????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I said<br><br>
"only every sunday since he was 8 week old" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><br></div>
</td>
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I think it is funny! I would have said something like, "yeah, right, because this is the ONLY church on the planet" and just shook my head and laughed. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/moon.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="moon"><br><br>
When people are stupid at you, it is OK to laugh about in front of them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I can relate to this because as somebody who converted to Islam over 10 years ago, most people assume when I attend a mosque for the first time that I don't know anything about Islam.<br><br>
"Sister... there's a class for new Sisters that meets on Saturday??" (Muslims call each other Brothers and Sisters.)<br><br>
Me... "OH, are you looking for a teacher? I'd be glad to help."<br><br>
Helpful, but clueless person "Um no.... Sister Blahblah (who barely speaks English) is teaching it. I thought you may be interested in attending."<br><br>
Me... "Um... I converted over 10 years ago. I'd be glad to help teach, but I'm not really interested in attending a basics of Islam class. Thanks anyway."
 

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Discussion Starter #20
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">"Sister... there's a class for new Sisters that meets on Saturday??" (Muslims call each other Brothers and Sisters.)<br><br>
Me... "OH, are you looking for a teacher? I'd be glad to help."<br><br>
Helpful, but clueless person "Um no.... Sister Blahblah (who barely speaks English) is teaching it. I thought you may be interested in attending."<br><br>
Me... "Um... I converted over 10 years ago. I'd be glad to help teach, but I'm not really interested in attending a basics of Islam class. Thanks anyway."</td>
</tr></table></div>
that would be MORE anoying. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
thanks for keeping it in persective.<br><br>
I know they are TRYING in their own messed up way to be nice -- just bugs me when i used to train greeters NOT to say that stuff -- you know?? Kinda like i hate it when a home depot casher messes up cuz i did that joba nd know what they are suppose to do YK?????<br><br>
I am trying to be calm about this -- but i get so tense getting DS there and keeping him from screaming or runing wild or whatever, and i am nerous and emotional being pregant -- it gets tough<br><br>
Aimee
 
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