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I don't normally read this forum, but I saw your message on the "just posted" list and just had to reply.

First, I am so sorry for your losses. It horrifies me to read about your husband's response to your pregnancy and miscarriage. I am really sorry. You deserve better.

Second, I want to congratulate you on your level-headed decision making and your courage.

As the daughter of an woman who never left her abusive husband (my dad) despite clear signs that she should, I want to thank you on behalf of your children when they're all grown up. I learned much from my mom that, at 30, I'm still struggling to unlearn so that I can face life in a confident, brave-hearted way. By leaving, you are teaching your kids that you are worthy of kindness, of love. You are also teaching them they they deserve kindness and love that that they have in them the strength to seek a good life.

What you are doing is giving your kids a gift for their future. Please stay strong and reach out for support wherever you can. If you have a hard time finding someone to help with the kids now, consider asking to have the meeting rescheduled, or look for other, unexpected possibilities. Trust yourself. Believe that life can be better than seems logically possible. Now that you've left, just keep moving forward. Keep your momentum. You're doing the right thing even though it's hard.

I'll be thinking of you.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by MaWhit View Post
It is far better for kids to be from a "broken home" than to live in one.

You're doing the right thing.

A BIG Amen to that!
 

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sky_and_lavender, what a beautiful and inspiring post!

Wishing you much courage, mama, as you forge a joyful new life for yourself and your beautiful daughters.
 

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People can go through all kinds of crazy emotions when dealing with an unplanned pg- it's quite human of him to feel releived, but completely innapropriate for him to deny your feelings and withdraw his support when you're grieving and hurting. It's quite possible for a man to support his wife's loss while feeling conflicting emotions himself.

If this is how he treats you when you're down, then you're 1000% right to leave him. The transition is scary, but once you get past it, and settle into some sort of routine, things will get easier. Not easy, but easiER. Dealing with his craziness while NOT living with him is a heck of a lot healthier for you and the kids.

I suggest seeking out somebody to use as backup childcare for when you need to go out of town for work. Somebody who does in-home childcare may be willing to be backup (for pay, of course) in case your STBX flakes out. You may find an MDC mama in your area willing to help out with this if you don't know any other childcare providers in the area.

Let him boast all he wants to about getting sole custody- but if you're the primary caregiver he's incredibly unlikely to get that. Even shared custody may not happen if he continues to bad-mouth you in front of the kids. However, a far more common pattern is to start off with joint custody, then for it to be changed to sole custody for one parent if things REALLY go bad with the other.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by sky_and_lavender View Post
I don't normally read this forum, but I saw your message on the "just posted" list and just had to reply.

First, I am so sorry for your losses. It horrifies me to read about your husband's response to your pregnancy and miscarriage. I am really sorry. You deserve better.

Second, I want to congratulate you on your level-headed decision making and your courage.

As the daughter of an woman who never left her abusive husband (my dad) despite clear signs that she should, I want to thank you on behalf of your children when they're all grown up. I learned much from my mom that, at 30, I'm still struggling to unlearn so that I can face life in a confident, brave-hearted way. By leaving, you are teaching your kids that you are worthy of kindness, of love. You are also teaching them they they deserve kindness and love that that they have in them the strength to seek a good life.

What you are doing is giving your kids a gift for their future. Please stay strong and reach out for support wherever you can. If you have a hard time finding someone to help with the kids now, consider asking to have the meeting rescheduled, or look for other, unexpected possibilities. Trust yourself. Believe that life can be better than seems logically possible. Now that you've left, just keep moving forward. Keep your momentum. You're doing the right thing even though it's hard.

I'll be thinking of you.
That's one inspirational post!
 
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