[a_work_in_progress]

I'll make this brief:

End of May, the children went to their father's for weekend visitation. He never returned them. Police refused to help. I filed a violation of order petition. We've been going to court since that time. I managed to get my oldest child back with me by picking her up from school early. Earlier this week I found out the judge ruled against me, and the children will now be living with their father, and I'll only get visitation. Why? Because I have a chronic medical condition (involving severe physical pain) that requires me to have assistance from family and friends a few days a month. Most other days I can function on my own.

 

[ajsgirl]

I saw your post and couldn't not respond. I am so sorry, mama.

 

[Threefold]

Are you still able to contest it?

 

[MsChatsAlot]

OMG
I really don't know what to say.
Did the judge establish liberal visitation? Can you go back to court or appeal it or something?
I will send positive energy to you and your children.

 

[a_work_in_progress]

Yes, I will contest. Visitation is every other weekend, from Friday at 6pm until Sunday at 6 pm, and Wednesdays from 4-7pm. I'm going to ask my ex if I can have the kids with me during the day while he works, but I doubt he'll go for it (or I should say, I doubt his girlfriend will let him go for it). She works the same shift, too. So, the kids are going to be with babysitters if they aren't with me.

 

[Clarinet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by a_work_in_progress So, the kids are going to be with babysitters if they aren't with me.

At the very least, this is ridiculous. I'm sorry this has happened.

 

[Jilian]

Wow, how sad

It's sad because if the two of you were still together he'd probably have no problem leaving them with you during the day.

I guess in the eyes of the court it looks like if you are too disabled to work then you are also too disabled to care for children. Could you get some kind of help during the day to make the court feel better about your abilities to care for your children? It's just silly that the court would rather throw them in child care than let them be with their own mother.

 

[ExuberantDaffodil]

ask for first right of refusal...

So sorry this is happening, mama!

 

[a_work_in_progress]

Thanks for the suggestion of First Right of Refusal. I'd never heard of that before. DEFINATELY going to be looking into that.

 

[a_work_in_progress]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jilian Wow, how sad It's sad because if the two of you were still together he'd probably have no problem leaving them with you during the day. I guess in the eyes of the court it looks like if you are too disabled to work then you are also too disabled to care for children. Could you get some kind of help during the day to make the court feel better about your abilities to care for your children? It's just silly that the court would rather throw them in child care than let them be with their own mother.

I did have people come over to help me when I was ill. They still ruled against me.

Occasionally, I would call my ex to see if he wanted to spend time with the kids after he got out of work, when I was ill. But, I didn't push it on him, and I'd have a back up plan. He always refused to watch the kids when I was sick. Obviously he wasn't really concerned then.

 

[Aliviasmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ajsgirl I saw your post and couldn't not respond. I am so sorry, mama.

Yeah, that.

 

[juliansmom]

I just had to reply...

It's ridiculous that the judge would rule this way. It simply doesn't make sense that a woman who is able to bear three children, is pregnant with a fourth, and is holding down a job can be deemed too disabled to have her kids at home. And how is needing help for a few days every month any different from needing childcare for the same period of time for another reason-- like going out of town on business?

Mama, I think you need a better lawyer. Also, get a statement from your doctor that your condition does not qualify you as "disabled."

 

[Marlet]

 

[RubyWild]

I'm very sorry. What's the next step?

 

[a_work_in_progress]

Quote:

Originally Posted by juliansmom I just had to reply... It's ridiculous that the judge would rule this way. It simply doesn't make sense that a woman who is able to bear three children, is pregnant with a fourth, and is holding down a job can be deemed too disabled to have her kids at home. And how is needing help for a few days every month any different from needing childcare for the same period of time for another reason-- like going out of town on business? Mama, I think you need a better lawyer. Also, get a statement from your doctor that your condition does not qualify you as "disabled."

I haven't been able to hold down a job because of these days where I'm ill. It does create a constant pain which makes many jobs difficult, if not impossible to do. I can't sit too long. I can't stand too long. I can't lift much weight. I require frequent rests, etc. In addition, the days where I'm laid up would make it difficult for me to leave the house for work, thus making keeping employment an issue. I've been able to make adjustments to care for my kids, but my kids have always been well cared for by me.

 

[a_work_in_progress]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RubyWild I'm very sorry. What's the next step?

I wait to get the papers in the mail, and then see what I must do to contest it.

 

[DreamsInDigital]

Just not fair. I am so outraged for you, mama. I'm so sorry, and wishing you strength.

 

[momof3sweeties]

Oh mama!!!

I couldn't imagine. You stay strong...sending positive thoughts your way.

 

[juliansmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by a_work_in_progress I haven't been able to hold down a job because of these days where I'm ill. It does create a constant pain which makes many jobs difficult, if not impossible to do. I can't sit too long. I can't stand too long. I can't lift much weight. I require frequent rests, etc. In addition, the days where I'm laid up would make it difficult for me to leave the house for work, thus making keeping employment an issue. I've been able to make adjustments to care for my kids, but my kids have always been well cared for by me.

My apologies; I assumed that you were working in addition to your full-time job of being a mom. But even without you being able to hold down a job outside the home, you can still prove that you can care for your children because, in fact, you have.

 

[ombra*luna]

I'm so sorry.