[DeerMother]

I looked at the sticky and saw a ton of books, I'm not sure where to start! Dc are almost two, they are good natured and pleasant for the most part. Some things I'm struggling with
-encouraging sharing/not taking toy from siblings
-doing what mommy says. . . ie when I say let's go brush teeth I don't really want to say it 15 times and then have to take you by the hand and walk you to the bathroom
-when I ask them to do something and they tell me no, I've been saying, "it's not nice to tell mommy no" but that doesn't feel quite right. They can tell me no just not in certain situations
-enforcing helping to clean up toys

I do think that their behavior is age appropriate and while I haven't really had to discipline yet I think we're quickly getting to the stage where it is needed. I would like them to do what I say when I say it but I realize that that is a journey and not something that just happens but I don't even know how to get there. I do try to make things fun - clean up song, cheerful voice when requesting, let's brush teeth so we can do this next fun thing, explaining why we're cleaning up (so we don't trip, so we can have space to do puzzles etc). I'm not sure at what point I set consequences for undesirable behavior or even what those consequences should be.

 

[mamazee]

Personally, I would move away from thinking of consequences to thinking about how to set up habits. If they get into the habit of cleaning and having a clean play area, that is what they will expect. So I would consisently clean and have them help. Give them very clear instructions, "Put the blocks into this box." And then another instruction. But do it very regularly, matter of fact, without making it seem like a huge chore, and they should get used to it. It does take a lot of time. The clean up song helps. I just learned it coems from Barney, despite never watching that. "Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere, clean up, clean up, everybody do your share."

I would move away from asking them if you won't accept no. That might confuse them at such a young age. "No" is an appropriate answer to a question. As adults, we know that some questions aren't really questions, but they aren't going to get that at such a young age. So instead of "Will you go do X" I'd say, "I need you to go do X now please." As for them not always doing it immediately, they won't. So if you really need it, just move them along right away if they don't do it on their own. Don't ask 15 times and get angry, just physically help them. Again, the idea is to set up a habit. I promise you, when I say "time to get ready for bed" my 7-year-old happily goes and brushes her teeth without any more discussion, and has for years. I don't even have to use the words "teeth" or "brush" because it's a habit for her.

They aren't going to really understand sharing too well, but again, just keep making it happen and set up that habit. "It's your brother's turn now. You can play with that in a minute. What can we find to play with until your turn?"

 

[SeekingJoy]

I'm not really sure what you mean when you say you haven't had to discipline your DC yet. Are you meaning consequences, time out, etc?

As far as each of these scenarios, I can share how we handle them.
-encouraging sharing/not taking toy from siblings - I don't really discuss things in terms of sharing, but in terms of taking turns. If one has a toy and other other wants it, we discuss their options: offering to trade, playing alongside with a similar toy, etc. We also have a tradition in the family of singing the ABCs and then trading as a built-in "timer" of turns.

-doing what mommy says. . . ie when I say let's go brush teeth I don't really want to say it 15 times and then have to take you by the hand and walk you to the bathroom -- I only say things once and then follow through. With a two year old, I plan on *always* having to physically follow up. The hardest for me is when we are all getting ready and I know DD can put on her shoes while I am putting on mine, but it is so hard for me to remember that just because she can it doesn't mean it is age appropriate for her to always do this independently.

-when I ask them to do something and they tell me no, I've been saying, "it's not nice to tell mommy no" but that doesn't feel quite right. They can tell me no just not in certain situations - If no isn't a legit option, don't ask. Tell. Time to brush your teeth. We have to leave the park in 5 minutes; what last slide do you want to go down? Do you want to hop or run to the door after we put on your shoes?

-enforcing helping to clean up toys - No advice on this one.