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Discussion Starter #1
I don't know if my dd is high needs or if it's just me, but I'd really like to have someone to talk to about the way she acts / how I deal with her and get advice to help me. If you are interested in communicating with me by email, please pm me or leave a note here! thanks!
 

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What an awesome idea! I'm not mentor material yet<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> But I love the idea!<br><br>
Also, if you haven't read "Raising your spirited Child"you might want to. I wish I did when my daughter was 2.<br>
Lisa
 

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Dara, there are many mamas here who can help you. If you share some aspects of the challenges, perhaps those with experience in the specific area could chime in. More heads working together. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><br>
Pat
 

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Discussion Starter #4
thanks, no one has offered yet, so I will try explaining some of the issues!<br>
- tantrums about everything. I don't know how to handle them, console her, help her explain what she needs, etc, and a lot of the time I end up crying with her.<br>
- sleeping issues<br>
- obsessiveness. things have to be her way, you can't differ from a routine at all or it freaks her out, etc.<br><br>
My dh thinks she is a normal 2 year old but I sometimes get the feeling that she isn't. She didn't walk till 17 months and gets OT for fine and gross motor skills. She says a lot of words but doesn't talk in sentences or hold conversations like I read about other 2 year olds doing. We do have an appt. scheduled for an eval with a neurologist at the end of may.<br><br>
Lisa, I just ordered Raising Your Spirited Child, thanks!
 

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I had no awareness of Highly Sensitive People before ds. There is a whole tribe about it. <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=196898&page=13" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...196898&page=13</a> It has been active for over 2 years and has almost 500 posts about sensitivite children. Dh and ds are both highly sensitive and auditory sensitive. Basically, their hearing acuity is so intensely aware that they have difficulty with loud volumes or chaotic auditory input. Restaurants with a lot of talking is hard for ds because he is focused on articulation and all the many voices bombard him. Similarly, dh doesn't block out the random and repetitive noises that a 5 year old makes, he *hears* each sound as an auditory assault, even when the sounds are not loud, they are intrusive.<br><br>
Both dh and ds are highly able to discern musical instruments, identify them acutely and have an amazing awareness of tone, rhythm and minute differences between instrumental sounds. For instance, ds at about age 3 could identify all the instruments in the orchestra individually or in a musical piece by listening. Instruments which I learned, such as a contra bassoon!! vs. sax, cello, tuba, clarinet, etc were discernible to him. So, auditory sensitivity impacts them both positively and negatively, depending upon the environment. We avoid environments which are overwhelming to their auditory sensitivities. When we attended the symphony, our son had to cover his ears due to the loud sensation of the music. Although, he LOVES music! The acoustic environment amplified all the sounds, of course. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Your daughter may also be empathically sensitive. Both dh and ds are also. They have a heightened sensitivity to other's emotional states. Here is a web site about Highly Sensitive Children, it is quite a gift of increase awareness. It helps my husband to be such a successful high level manager and to diplomatically negotiate conflicts to mutual satisfaction. He is so aware of other's underlying feelings and unspoken messages that it is very useful. However, conflict is very draining and stressful for him emotionally. There is a little quiz on the web site to help discern if your daughter (and/or you) are Highly Sensitive. <a href="http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm" target="_blank">http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm</a><br><br>
This awareness helped me to understand how environments, emotional conflicts, and transitions could be overwhelming to ds.<br><br>
Off to bed, "see" you tomorrow.<br><br>
Pat
 

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Discussion Starter #6
my husband thinks that she can tell when I'm upset - we feed off each other. she gets upset so I do and vice versa! I have done the checklist before and it doesn't really apply to her, but mostly because I don't know. maybe her clothing does bother her, but she doesn't tell me! (although she loves wearing jackets even when it's hot out). she doesn't talk enough to qualify for some of the things either. doesn't do well with change is her biggest thing though. does the book explain how to help her deal with change?
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I found this info on the highly sensitive toddler and it made me cry. I've bolded the things that describe my dd:<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">As a toddler, the very sensitive child often continues to be <b>demanding and clingy</b>. Once she has mastered a few words, she may resort to whining. <b>"Mama, mama, mama," she may say over and over again</b> as her exasperated mother tries to untangle her arms from around her legs so she can work. She throws <b>monstrous tantrums if her parents try to leave her at daycare or with a babysitter</b>. Now, her <b>parents' sleep may be disrupted by her shrieks as she wakes up at night feeling scared</b>. <b>New situations upset her, and she may avoid playing with other children</b>, shaking her head stubbornly and bursting into tears if a parent tries to lead her over to a group of other toddlers who are happily rolling toy trucks and banging toy drums. She may act aggressively, but more out of fear than defiance: she may bite or <b>hit other children who come too close</b>, for example, or pinch a child who tries to take away a toy. She may not like to be held or carried in a certain way.<br><br>
Rather than become more assertive and organized as she grows, by taking her father's hand, for example, and leading him over to the cracker box, she may <b>whine and passively expect daddy to guess what's on her mind and get it for her</b>.<br><br>
As she approaches the ages of two and three, when children ordinarily start to engage in lots of pretend play with each other and begin to expand relationships beyond their parents and siblings, the overly sensitive child may be cautious, fearful, and clingy. She may not be comfortable in expanding her fantasy life, even though a full fantasy life is very important at this stage of development. She may feel cautious about exploring certain themes in her pretend play, such as coping with aggression. Her dolls or action figures may always kiss and hug, but never fight or tussle with each other, for example. Or the dolls or action figures may fight, but then the story line may disappear: she may simply bang her dolls and toys together in what looks less like pretend play and more like a direct discharge of energy.<br><br>
As she learns more words, she may start talking about her fears, telling you about the witches under her bed or the monsters in her closet. Fear and shyness inhibit her from making friends, and she is very <b>frightened of children who are more assertive than she is</b>. <b>When parents leave for work or an evening out, she may shriek hysterically, "Mommy, no go!" or "Daddy, come back!" even though she is familiar with her daycare center and acquainted with her babysitter</b>.</td>
</tr></table></div>
Now, I need to find out what to do about it!
 

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My most effect method of facilitating transitions is to connect with our son and then he *wants* to transition WITH me. When I am busy getting things ready and then announce "Let's Go!", ds has been engaged otherwise. It is like dh suddenly telling me "leave now!". It doesn't consider what I was doing which is important to me. When I recognize that what my son is doing is important to him, we find a way to bring it along, finish it up, wait till he is done, find an alternative which is portable, create something fun to do in the transition (like hopping or racing or piggy back ride-a sure bet around here!). So, I move into his play world and bring him along playfully, basically.<br><br>
I would say the HSC book focuses on hearing the child's perspective about their sensory experience and how to accommodate the assaults from the sensory input. It is very empowering to understand it is the environment which is overstimulating, rather than a choice to "overreact".<br><br>
But, I totally agree both dh and ds feed off of my emotional energy! I am a strong presence and when I am minutely out of sorts, they are very aware of my internal distress. We actually call our son "the little barometer" because he is so connected with the energy in a room. If there is any emotional conflict, he blows. He is so sensitive to other's emotional energy. The freakin' hardest thing for me to do is to Be Calm. Hurrying just totally makes me (us all) insane. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> It is a recipe for spiraling ds 'out of sorts' (understatement). So, it is a real balance, and changes over time about getting everything ready and ds ready to go immediately, vs. getting everything ready, and ds not being ready to go. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: I have a routine for getting us out the door. And we discuss what we are doing for the day. It is very fluid and we don't have "have to" things. We intentionally plan flexibility into our days/weeks. And we don't over schedule; but we plan a lot of *options*. This helps me not to feel pressured to "Let's go NOW and have fun d*mn it!!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Ds doesn't have to go anywhere he doesn't want to go, so we discuss what are the fun aspects of outings and plan otherwise if he isn't interested in coming along. Creating alternatives which meet everyone's needs without expecting ds to accommodate our needs, creates space for him to want to participate with us, because we make it fun for everyone!<br><br>
Hope that helps.<br>
Pat
 

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Discussion Starter #9
sometimes when I tell dd we are going to leave for school (or wherever) soon, she will want to leave immediately. then even if I'm not ready she is! other times she will say no and start to cry. I guess she doesn't understand the concept of discussing what is going to happen next and thinks I mean right now.<br><br>
i emailed the above referenced quote to dh and he said it doesn't fit her because she doesn't throw "monstrous" tantrums when I drop her at day care, she's not aggressive, she doesn't wake up shrieking (only whining), and she does pretend. I still think it's her even if the languauge isn't the same as we would describe it!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dara00</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7998870"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">- tantrums about everything. I don't know how to handle them, console her, help her explain what she needs, etc, and a lot of the time I end up crying with her.<br>
- sleeping issues<br>
- obsessiveness. things have to be her way, you can't differ from a routine at all or it freaks her out, etc.<br></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Don't want to be a mentor, but the sleeping issues could be causing the other two things. Does she get enough sleep?
 

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Discussion Starter #12
I know I think the sleep issues may be a big cause. she gets "enough" sleep according to charts and all that but she is sleeping less than she was when she was in her crib and that concerns me. she seems a lot less rested now. I have an experiment to try tonight - if she is as sensitive as I'm thinking than maybe she isn't sleeping well because of the fish tank in her room. I'm going to try turning it off. we'll see!
 
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