Mothering Forum banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,573 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
<p>Tomorrow should be my divorce hearing.  I keep having bad dreams that they cancel it again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why am I crying about it?  Why am I scared that this was the only chance I had at being married, and that because I failed, I will be alone forever?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Why do I feel like I am making the wrong choice?<br><br>
He was so vile to me.  Every slap, kick, punch, getting abandoned at gas stations.  All of that, that is NOT how I want to live my life.  So why do I feel like I might be making a mistake?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wonder why he wanted to be so mean to me?  What did I do wrong?  He always said it was my fault, that I made him hit me and call me names.  I wonder why am I worthless?  Why did I deserve to be treated like that?  It makes me worry that I will never be worthy.  He wasn't ever even sorry.  It hurts so bad right now.<br><br>
This is awful for me.  I am in turmoil right now.  <img alt="greensad.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com//images/smilies/greensad.gif"></p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,880 Posts
<p>I read this really good book by Sandra brown that classified violent/angry abusive men and it answered a lot for me why they abuse women. Its not you.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Stay strong at your divorce hearing.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,697 Posts
<p>Mama, divorce ranks WAY up there with one of life's major stressors. Give yourself a break! Nightmares and other sleep disturbances are normal IMO, especially considering it will legally sever you from such an abusive person.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As for the "Why did he do this" and "why did I deserve this" comments you made, I think you know that the abuse had NOTHING to do with your worth as an individual and everything to do with the sickness in his mind and heart. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for having dealt with the abuse for as long as you did, and for having strength to get out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At my custody hearing, I was petrified that XH would walk in the courtroom and make my life a living hell. I wasn't raised a Christian (heck I was even a self-declared atheist), and yet, that day, I practiced deep breathing while repeating the Serenity Prayer to myself:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>God (or goddess, or The Universe, or The Great Poobah),</p>
<p>grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change</p>
<p>The courage to change that things that I can;</p>
<p>And the wisdom to know the difference.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I tried my very best not to awfulize and think of the past or future, and just stay in the present moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>you'll do awesome! I'm sure of it.</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,916 Posts
<p>Jamie, You have come so far!  You have done so many things in the past year for yourself.  You are strong and an amazing woman.  I know that you are likely stressed about the upcoming court date for your divorce, and heck yeah!  That would stress anyone.  And I don't know of any one here in the SA forum that has ever received a true apology from our abusers.  The why's and all that... well, they are just part of the ugly games and manipulations that are the chaos that is the mind of an abuser.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>So may I suggest, you recognize where the stress is coming from, and realize that all these other thoughts and doubts that you are having are unrealistic.  You won't have to be alone forever if you don't want to be.  You keep on pushing towards your personal goals.  Grieve for this part of your life ending, but also celebrate.  Like when a loved one passes, many people, in the midst of their grief also have a celebration of that persons life.  So for you, celebrate the wide open possibilities of your future!  You will be free, you can heal, and grow and make all new choices and create the kind of life you want and deserve. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hope you feel better soon.  You are doing the right things.</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,488 Posts
<p>oh jaime, i'm sorry for all the hurt you're feeling right now.  i will be holding you in my heart tomorrow, mourning your losses and celebrating your freedom.  when i read about how you are feeling today, it made me think of this song:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I was so afraid of the night<br>
You seemed to move through the places that I feared<br>
You lived inside my world so softly<br>
Protected only by the kindness of your nature<br>
You are my sister<br>
And I love you<br>
May all of your dreams come true</p>
<p> </p>
<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-NziGE6DVY" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-NziGE6DVY</a></p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,184 Posts
Wish I had something magical to say that would lift your spirits. ( I'm in a pit myself) I wonder how you'll feel after court. Closure is a great thing, but I understand the imending doom just before that happens.<br><br>
Every post of yours I've read shows me that you are a beautiful, caring, aware woman. This is the beginning of a wonderful time for you.<br><br>
I also found it helpful to have a short assage or thought memorized so I could meditate on that while in court.<br>
I'll be thinking about you tonight and tomorrow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,345 Posts
<p><img alt="hug.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com//images/smilies/hug.gif"></p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't have much to say, other than I'm going through a lot of the same feelings right now, and I'm seeing a great therapist who is helping me process everything and understand that the risks that come with staying with him far outweigh the benefits for me, my daughter, and even my dog. Recently I had some moles removed for basically the same reason. They had potential to kill me in time, and getting them removed hurt and the wounds will take time to heal, but in the long run I have a much greater likelihood of living a long happy life without them.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,573 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
<p>It is over.  I didn't cry.  I am proud of myself for not crying!</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
1,624 Posts
<p>Oh Jaime.  I am soo proud of you and happy for you.  Having your divorce over and done with must be such a big relief.  You can really start moving on now.  You are awesome and I wish I was there to celebrate with you!!!</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
4,488 Posts
<p>that is amazing!  i'm very impressed - but of course, you are free to cry any time you need to, and i wouldn't admire you any less if you had sobbed your way through the whole thing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>you are free!  i'm so hopeful for your future.  i know you still have a bit of a transitional period, up until you can move out of your parents' house and to an area with better opportunities for you, but this is a big step toward your new life.  soon, my dear.  good things are coming.  love you.</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,916 Posts
<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>doubledutch</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1278638/i-need-a-pep-talk#post_16039539"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>that is amazing!  i'm very impressed - but of course, you are free to cry any time you need to, and i wouldn't admire you any less if you had sobbed your way through the whole thing. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>you are free!  i'm so hopeful for your future.  i know you still have a bit of a transitional period, up until you can move out of your parents' house and to an area with better opportunities for you, but this is a big step toward your new life.  soon, my dear.  good things are coming.  love you.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
I totally agree.  Very well said.  Big hugs to you Jamie.  I am so excited to see where your life takes you now that you have this burden out of your life.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
<p>I'm sending lots of hugs and good thoughts your way.  You are an amazing strong superwoman who has inspired many. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Even superwomen are allowed to cry, although I completely understand not wanting to do so in Court.  We are here to surround you with support and provide many shoulders should you need them. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hugs.</p>
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top