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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Everyone,<br><br>
OK, so here is my dilema. I make and sell jewelry, and have been looking forward to a big show this month. It is a huge music festival, which lasts several days and provides camping, food, and a marketplace. It is expensive to vend there, so I'm sharing a booth with my friend. She has a baby the same age as my daughter, and her sister was going to go too to help us watch the kids while we sell! I was seeing this as our summer vacation... kind of like my last hurrah before starting work fulltime.<br><br>
So last week my ex asks me if I am going to this festival, and I say NO, and he says that he is thinking about going! This will cost at least $100 just for the ticket, plus camping, transportation, food, etc... probably a total of $150-$200... He has given me a total of $71 in childsupport total, yet he can afford to go to this [email protected]! So I got mad and tried to guilt him into not going. He says that since I'm so upset about it, he won't go (of course, he didn't offer to give me the money instead) But I can't trust a word he says!<br><br>
He defaulted on our divorce, so we do not currently have a written custody agreement yet. I'm so freaked out about going: I'm afraid that if he saw us there, and took our baby there wouldn't be anything legally I could do! My mom and sister offered to babysit while I go, but I can't imagine being away from her for 5 days! I mean, 1 night is hard enough!. Also, If I go alone, and he does show up and sees my business cards, he'll get my cell phone number and then I'll have to deal with the expense and hassle of 50 calls/day on my cell during the times of his ranting! He doesn't know about my business yet, and I don't want him to know about it yet.<br><br>
My friend said she'd sell for me, but she'll be busy selling her own stuff, and my jewelry sells so much better when I'm there. Also, I was really looking forward to it!<br><br>
So, my options are:<br>
1)go with my baby and hope he doesn't show up!<br>
2)Go alone and risk him finding out about my business details, as well as possible physical harm depending on his mood/amount of alcohol he's consumed<br>
3)drive up there to set up on the day that only vendors are allowed up there and leave my friend to sell (or not) for me<br><br>
I'm really thinking seriously about doing option 2), but am feeling really guilty about it. I feel like a horrible mother for considering doing this and leaving my baby for so long! I know that she loves spending time with my mom and sister, and they would all have a blast! But, I'm also worried about my milk drying up. ..I could pump and then throw it out, but that is so wasteful! I worry that after the first day or two, she'll miss me and worry about if I'm coming back or something!<br><br>
I just don't know what to do! I can't stress enough how much I was really LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS! Why does he always ruin everything good? He doesn't even know that I'm supposed to vend there, but somehow he always messes with me before every show I do!<br><br>
Ack! I could use some objective advice.<br><br>
Thanks,<br>
Karen
 

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Karen - I don't recall, but do you have a restraining order against him? If so, that should at least allay your concerns about him hassling you at the table or taking your card and repeatedly calling your cell. If you have one, take a copy of any paperwork you have and make a note of where the nearest security station is.<br><br>
Is your mother or sister up for coming with you to watch your baby while you show your jewelry? Maybe you could sell the idea to them somehow...<br><br>
Also, can you just hang on to the cards and hand them out to people as they come up to check out your jewelry so he won't get your business name or your phone number?<br><br>
That's about all I'm coming up with so far. If you don't have a restraining order yet, maybe there's time to get one.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi Dragonfly,<br><br>
I do not currently have a restraining order, but I will look into it tomorrow. I can't have anyone else come with me, as the vendor tickets are all taken... and they would HATE it... not their style at all!<br><br>
I would just forget about going except I invested hundreds of dollars into inventory and the booth space for this event! This is a great opportunity to enter a new market.<br><br>
Your idea about the business cards is brilliant! If I end up going, that is how I'll do it.<br><br>
Thanks!
 

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Could you wear your baby most of the time so that he couldn't try to get his hands on her? Maybe in an Meh Tai style carrier on the back? (If you don't have one they are really easy to make, and SO comfy for long periods of wearing baby)<br><br>
I agree about hanging on to your business cards, and maybe take it one step further...if he does show up at your booth maybe fib a little and say you are there helping your friend with her business (well, you are helping her by sharing a booth after all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> ). He does not have to know all of why you are there.<br><br>
Could you *ask* him for the money toward child support? That way he wouldn't have it to go!<br><br>
Is he into checking out the wares at festivals? I know most of the time when we go to stuff like that we don't even see half of what is there because we are more involved in the music.<br><br>
Don't let him ruin it for you!! It sounds like you put way too much effort into this to let him destroy it now!
 

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Dreadmama, I don't have much advice other than agreeing with what Brussel said about the security station. I think it would be a really good idea to inform them of what is going on, and just have him removed if he does show up. I'm sure as a vendor there, you would have that option in this situation. I hate it that he is trying to ruin what you've worked so hard for, please don't let him do that to you. Alert the police or security or whatever and just tell them, the guy is insane and if he shows, I want him removed immediately. Do you think that would work okay?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Brusselsprout - unfortunately I have back and neck injuries, so long-time sling wearing hurts like crazy! Also, my 23 month old gets antsy in the sling and wants to get down and run around. However, I haven't tried her on my back yet, because I'd need a second person to hold her there while I tie the sling on (oh the joys of single parenting!)... but recently she has been able to hold onto me while riding on my back (horsey style). So I think we'll try out the sling (moby wrap) with her on my back and see how it goes. That's a great idea, thanks!<br><br>
I'm really doubtful that he's going to go to this thing anyway. I took him there back when we were dating and he HATED the camping, etc. He'd never been camping before and thought it was horrible, and hot, and complained, etc. He doesn't have any camping gear, no car, and I don't know about any local friends close enough to go to this show with. He often talks about things he wants to do, but doesn't actually follow through with them.<br><br>
BUT, I want to cover my bases just in case... he is unpredictable!<br><br>
Singledad - that is a great idea. I actually have an old college friend who has been working at this show for years, and we connected when I was registering for it. So I could probably talk to her about it and hopefully get some extra back up.<br><br>
Thanks for all of your advice.<br><br>
Peace,<br>
Karen
 

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Chanting "update update update"!!!!!<br><br>
So what happened with this...I have been thinking about you often. Hope it all worked out well!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Hi Everyone, thanks for thinking of me!<br><br>
We went to the show after all, I decided I wouldn't let him rule me with fear, and I figured he wasn't going anyway. If he showed up, my daughter and I could leave, simple as that.<br><br>
Anyway, we had a fabulous time. My business partner who shared the booth with me is really cool, and we strengthened our relationship, as well as our daughters (3 days apart!) had a great time playing together. The music was awesome, and we got to hear/see it all because we were in a section of the vendors near the main stage. The downside to that was that almost all of the other vendors were in the Vendor Village area, where most of the shopping took place. We had way less traffic, although were able to enjoy the show. The Vendor Village area was near a smaller stage, and couldn't hear/see the main stage at all! We definately got the better show... but they made more money!<br><br>
Anyway, it was a nice and cheap vacation... kind of a last hurray of that type of lifestyle for me. I made enough to cover my business costs, although I did some shopping of my own and food was expensive!<br><br>
I started working at the preschool I've been wanting to work in, and I think it went well. I'll be a substitute this summer, and then should be starting full-time in Sept... I hope. It really is a great place for my daughter and I to be.<br><br>
So, that is the update.<br><br>
Peace,<br><br>
Karen
 
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