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My doctor told me at 9 weeks that I will need a c-section since my last delivery had a shoulder dystocia. I know he's wrong. The risk of another SD is 10-12% and the only reason I had it in the first place was because they broke my water, then induced me, and kept me on my back. So, I figured I'd protect myself and my baby and go for a homebirth.<br>
I'm about 65 pounds overweight and the only midwife available in the area tells me "wow, that's really overweight" and "you know you have a fat vagina, and that will make delivery difficult". Then she went on to say "did you know that if you use a diaphragm, they have to be resized when you gain weight because your vagina gets fat?". Are you kidding me??<br>
I don't know what to do and I need some ideas. I'm 20 weeks now and still have no idea what I'm going to do!<br><br>
*The other 2 midwives in the area are all booked up for January and the other docs in the area don't go to the good hospital. The other two hospitals in the area are really messed up, one takes the baby an hour after delivery to the nursery, no exceptions and the other one strongly discourages breastfeeding, they make you pump and feed the baby in a bottle and neither allow rooming in or the father to stay past visiting hours.<br><br>
What do I do??
 

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what type of midwives are you looking at CNM's i assume right? I would suggest you look on yahoo groups for a midwife mailing list in your area and find yourself a DEM.
 

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What area are you in? I bet we could help you find some good midwives in your area. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Wow, I can't believe that midwife said that to you! I'm just shocked!<br><br>
Good luck in your search mama - I hope someone here can help you out!
 

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Did you post on FYT? I'd steer clear of the docs AND that midwife. Yowza. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">
 

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I cant believe she said that either! You could look into having a UC. YOu should check out the UC board anyways, they have some great info!<br>
ANgela
 

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FYT = Finding Your Tribe - there are forums here for different geographical areas to help put members in touch with local people/resources. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
My goodness to that midwife's tactlessness, and yikes to the reputations of those hospitals. They force mothers to pump? That's bizarre. I hope you can find a birth attendant who is more supportive.
 

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A fat vagina!! Good lord!!!<br><br>
65lbs overweight according to what, exactly? I'm not a big believer in the BMI charts. How is your blood pressure, any diabetes issues, any actual health issues that make you high risk or is it just that pesky fat vagina? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
Find a better health care person (midwife or OB) who doesnt say incredibly insensitive and ridiculous things like that. I am a bigger mama, possibly with one of those dreaded fat vaginae, and my pregnancy (32 wks) has gone just fine. No one has suggested that my delivery might be difficult. Please.
 

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A fat vagina?! Geeez, is that the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard or what! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I'm sorry you're having all this stress! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
I can't be very helpful, but I at least wanted to stick a coupla links in here.<br><br>
Here's a "plus sized pregnant mamas" support thread:<br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=734884" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=734884</a><br><br>
Here's the forum in the Finding Your Tribe ("FYT") area for those in the New York, NJ & PA area. You could try posting there asking for midwife, etc recommendations.<br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=82" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...splay.php?f=82</a><br><br>
And here's the Unassisted Childbirth ("UC") forum for information on birthing at home without a midwife or Dr:<br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/forumdisplay.php?f=306" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...play.php?f=306</a><br><br>
I hope you can find answers & feel peace when you think of your upcoming birth! And congratulations!!
 

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Oh, and one more. While you're cruising around gathering info it might be easier if you can figure out all the crazy acronyms! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=522590" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=522590</a>
 

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I personally would go back to the other two midwives- the ones who are fully booked for January- and beg for help in figuring this one out. Tell them that you've been advised by one of their colleagues that you can't have a homebirth because you have a "fat vagina" and that you had shoulder dystocia with your first birth following induction and AROM and that you're desperate to stay away from your local hospital because they want to do a c-section. Hopefully, someone can help you by passing along recommendations.<br><br>
FWIW, I had shoulder dystocia with my second, after naturally birthing a 14lber. The difference? With ds2, my waters broke during an internal whereas ds1 was born in the caul.<br>
There is the possibility of an Unassisted Childbirth, but it's a risk. There's always the slim chance that your first birth was true dystocia, not bed dystocia, you know?
 

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Just wanted to pipe in and say I'm sorry that midwife said those things to you! How totally tactless and hurtful.<br><br>
I found a homebirth midwife (pretty late in the game) in Finding Your Tribe so you may have some luck there, as a PP suggested.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I can't believe how insensitive people can be, especially someone who's supposed to be nurturing!
 

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Talk to the 2 other midwives. They may be able to squeeze you in if they hear your story. Sometimes there's some leeway.<br><br>
Also, I wonder if there is some reason the fat-comment midwife still has room in her practice when no one else does.... coincidence??!<br><br>
g.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
WOW, thanks everyone for all the replies! You guys made me cry a little. I had no idea I would get so much support from strangers.<br>
I have a lot of reading ahead of me. And I plan to see if there is someone else in my area and I also plan to call the other two midwives and beg one of them to squeeze me in (one of them I really liked). Thank you sooo much everyone!<br><br>
Oh, and I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure and my cholesterol is 126 :p, I'm super healthy!
 

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Wow, mama! Good for you, not buying into that malarky! If "65 lbs is really overweight" and will cause birth problems with a "fat vagina", my last home VBAC should be all over the tabloids!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"><br><br>
Instead, I had a birth unaffected by weight, and will be birthing here at home, again, in the next few weeks. It's no wonder, I think, that the two other midwives are booked up and this lone midwife still has room available!<br><br>
Hopefully all the resources posted above will help you to find a good, rational care provider. You deserve an awful lot better than either of the ones you've mentioned!
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">the other one strongly discourages breastfeeding, they make you pump and feed the baby in a bottle</div>
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I cannot get over this. That's so horrifying. Just shockingly horrifying. Can we go after them?
 

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......fat vagina? What the hell does THAT mean? I'd think if anything a "skinny" vagina would be more of a "problem." (Obviously I don't think that any kind of a vagina is a problem. Sheesh.)<br><br>
I second the advice to call the other midwives and BEG. Tell them what you told us.<br><br>
Your other option is to stay with the asshole doctor (forgive my language) and simply refuse a cesarean, stay home as long as possible in labor so they can't talk you into a cesarean or go to the hospital and labor in the parking lot if you don't relish the idea of riding in a car in transition. Short of having a team of people life you up and drag you kicking and screaming into the OR, there will be no cesarean if you don't sign a consent form and either walk in there yourself or let someone push you in a wheelchair. (And FWIW, there is one mom on MDC-- I forget who-- who was wheeled into the OR screaming "I do not consent!" and still got sectioned. So don't get in that wheelchair!!!)<br><br>
If I were in your shoes, we simply do not have the money (as in, there is none and no way of saving up) for a homebirth MW and I'm personally not comfortable UCing, so I'd assemble a darn good support team and not give in one inch to the doctor, or look for another doctor, even with the crappy hospitals. If you get a good enough doctor and pediatrician, and they sign off on your wishes, that trumps "hospital policy." It's actually illegal for them to remove the baby from your custody without your permission unless there is a demonstrated danger. Are there no CNMs who work in any of the local hospitals that you can call?
 
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