Mothering Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
939 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My dh and I have an intact 22 month old, and that was a decission that almost went the other way. Throughout my entire pregnancy I thought "If I have a boy, I will circ him, because of xyz" or just didn't really think anything about it.
Then he was born and our midwife reamed on my dh for asking about a circ dr. saying "after this beautiful, natural childbirth you're going to MUTILATE your wonderful little boy?? please just do some research, read this!!"
And gave him some info about circ.
I think that if that had been me on the phone with our MW I couldn't have changed my husbands mind, but the fact that he couldn't really defend our decssion to her made him think, and I read the research and changed my mind, and as a result we have a beautiful intact boy.

The truth is, I honestly believed it was parents who didn't circ who were uninformed. Does that make sense? I figured that you circ because the info is out there telling you why and if you don't circ it's because you didn't bother to read the info.

Stupid.

I still feel pangs of guilt when I look at him and think about how easily I could have circ'd him and not thought twice about it. Im crying here now just thinking about it.

Now, the problem Im having is dealing with all this information.

My step-sister is pregnant. Due in May. They have a 3yo girl and are not going to find out the sex of this baby. We had a distant relationship as she lives in Calgary and I live in Ottawa. We see eachother maybe once a year, talk by email occasionally.
I asked her the other day if she would mind if I sent her Dr. Sears Baby Book, and she said "sure, you know me Im happy to read anything". So, that's good, but now I have be trying to figure out how to broach the subject of circ.

I'll be honest. Im terrified. Im terrified I won't help, or that I'll try and it won't make a difference and my little nephew will be circ'd, and my sister will think Im a nut job.

During one of our mw check-ups b/f ds was born, our secondary mw asked if we'd be circ'ing, and we said yes, and she said "will you circ if it's a girl?" I now understand her question and tone and reasoning, but at the time I felt totally judged and put off and just felt like I couldn't talk to her about the subject, and would instead make my own decission.

I don't want that to happen here. I need help with the information I am going to send her. I want something to the point without being over the top or judgemental ~ does that make sense? I understand the FGM agrument now, and can see the comparison to MGM, but as the 'first bit of info' to be anti-circ it was too overwhelming and made me retreat.

Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to give everyone a perspective about where I was coming from with this, and I really really want to help my sister and her dh make the right decision, I feel like I have one shot and I need help.

Any suggestions?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,031 Posts
Canadian Stats:
http://www.cirp.org/library/statistics/Canada/
http://www.courtchallenge.com/refs/yr99p-e.html
The overall Canadian circumcision rates for 2005 were 9.2%!

Canadian Paediatric Society recommendations:
http://www.cps.ca/english/statements/FN/fn96-01.htm
The CPS recommends that "Circumcision of newborns should not be routinely (i.e. in the absence of medical indication) performed." Since there are no medical indications for circumcision in the newborn period, in effect, the CPS is saying that newborn circumcisions should not be performed.

If she appreciates Dr. Sears book, she might be open to reading what he has to say about cicumcision.
http://askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp

Thanks for sharing your story. Glad it had a happy ending. We can all learn to communicate better about circumcision from the reactions you had to some of the approaches that you experienced.

I'm sure many others here will have some other good ideas. There's no one best approach.

Gillian
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,282 Posts
First, good for you and your DH for being open-minded to information that was new to you and reading/learning instead of just being defensive and going ahead with the circ.

Now...trust that your step-sister can do the same thing.


I would share with her exactly what you shared with us. Tell her when you give her the book that when your son was born, your midwife gave you some information that you had never thought about before, and that you now feel that it's important information for every parent to have...and give her that info in printed form along with the book. Tell her that you're happy to answer any questions or concerns she might have about it. Then let her read and think. Follow up with her later, and *if* she has pro-circ feelings that she shares with you, find ways to validate her *feelings* while providing more accurate information that will help her to change those feelings.

I've found that a calm approach of "I used to feel this way, but then I had these experiences, and now I believe circ should not be done, and here's why" is very effective. It meets people where they are and encourages them to learn and grow.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,770 Posts
You don't have to jump in with the MGM/FGM thing right away at all....I would do as the PP have suggested and really focus on how circ is going the way of the dodo and the dinosaur in Canada because it's not medically recommended, it's painful and can interfere with bonding and breastfeeding, and it permanently removes half the nerve endings of the penis.

I think you're in a perfect position to say, "This is so important, I had no idea, and I'm so thankful every day that our midwife told us about this, because we would have circed and then I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I look at my perfect son's body and I wonder what we were thinking, thinking of cutting part of it off!" Just be personal and real, you don't have to depend on a bunch of outside sources to communicate your opinions and feelings.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
939 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you all so much. The websites are a great help with stats, and i think I will just approach it from my viewpoint, how the decision affected me and my reasons. I want it to make sense and be as effective as possible, so Im going to take my time writing it.

I will let you know the outcome,
Thanks again
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top