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Mamas,<br><br>
I have posted so many times about this issue with very little response. I am desperate for advice on how to get 12mo dd to sleep in her crib for naps and maybe just an hour or 2 at bedtime until I am ready for bed. It has been a long year with her only sleeping in the ergo (naps) or on my boob (all night long) She will not nurse to sleep...she needs to be bounced in the ergo for her naps and at bedtime she will sleep in the ergo for a little while and then needs to nurse. I have to be ready to jump into bed the moment she stirs so she can side nurse. Once there I cannot even get up to pee or brush my teeth etc because she wakes the instant I remove my nipple. How am I going to do this?? How do I wean her from my nipple?? Please, wise mamas help me out! My only other solution is to get a sleep consultants' help which will involve crying...she knows I will not do cio but she is not as gentle as I prefer. Please help!
 

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I'm sorry you haven't gotten any responses, wish I could help but my 16mo DS has slept in my lap or by my side all his life. I have to be ready to go to bed the second he is. I spend lots of time on my laptop, or watching TV, or reading....
 

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Well at least I feel better knowing I am not the only one. I was beginning to feel I was the only mama in bed whenever my lo says so!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I definitely hear you, and the one thing I wanted to add is that after nursing my first for 4.5 years and now my second for 2.5 so far I just wish I'd understood that most habits that I help my babes create (actively or passively) will probably not be "grown out of."<br>
What I mean is, in the beginning I justwanted it to be all about responding to her cues and being AP - I still love all that and believe that babies belong with mamas, but I do also realize that the idea that toddlers will naturally want to break the habit of nursing to sleep (or nursing during sleep) just doesn't make sense. Of course most of them will keep wanting it! As they get older, they'll just tell you that with more words. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
I think that, even knowning that babies don't tend to stop night nursing on their own, many people still keep it going for a while for too reasons: It kinda works in a way in the moment when you are tired, and we don't want our babies to cry themselves to sleep. These are good reasons, and I'm not knocking them. I'm still nursing dds (2.5) to sleep even though I'm kind of sick of it. It works mostly, and I can say she has never in her life fallen asleep from the sheer exhaustion and despair of sobbing alone.<br><br>
HOWEVER, I do think there are some good ideas out there for how to get some better sleep going on than you are describing now. When I say my dd is nightnursing, I'm talking about every 2-3 hours, and often in the dead of night not for 4-5 straight hours. To me, that's fine. I couldn't deal with being attached all night. If I were you, I'd nurse when she wanted to, but unlatch once she was asleep, and repeat as many times as needed.<br><br>
Sorry if this was suggested in your other threads, but have you read Dr Jay Gordon's website and Elizabeth Pantley's? I really think both of them have some valuable advice about curbing nightnursing for toddlers without crying it out.<br><br>
The hard part is you have to dig in and stick with establishing a new pattern, and most little ones will resist the change. It's a balance, I think, between seeing if she'll accept a gentle change and also assessing whether you can just not stand it anymore. I have any older kid, a husband who works late, and a day job myself. I couldn't do what you describe of being in bed all evening with her nursing. In that scenario I would make a change.<br><br>
Only other thought - have you tried to address possible teething issues? I only ask because that can cause constant wanting to nurse, and when I'm trying to decrease night nursing, I give teething homeopathic remedy or Tylenol [I know some people don't] just in case.<br><br>
Sorry this was a novel! Good luck, mama.
 

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All I can say is I empathize!!<br><br>
Mine were all like that...well, except the bouncing to sleep. It wasn't until about 14 months or later that I could let them nap w/out me next to them. I was ok w/ it bc I really needed a nap. Even now at 19 months, my little guy will sleep longer if I'm next to him.<br><br>
I can leave him at night for a couple of hours, but it took a long time to get there. I do think it is normal and some babies are just wired to want to be closer to mama. I have a dear friend w/ her first that is just exacerbated by the whole thing and finally her dd is able to sleep away from momma, but it took a while.<br><br>
I am on my third baby, and I always wondered if I 'made them this way", so I tried different things w/ the second and third to try and get them to sleep w/out me. The only thing that would have worked is if I started them from day one. For me, it is kind of like taking a bottle. My first refused a bottle. I would pump milk and try to run out to the grocery store or something and she would have nothing to do w/ it. Did I make her that way?? Well, I guess if I had given her a bottle at a week old, rather than waiting for 8 weeks, after a very rocky start to bf, then maybe she would have been different, but that is really the only thing I could have done. My second and third took a bottle w/out issue. I don't think it was me.....they were just open to it.<br><br>
I think the only thing I really could have done differently is not cosleep, and maybe that would have helped, but I really wanted to do that for the health benefits, so that was off the table.<br><br>
I do feel for you. It is very difficult and it is a huge commitment, but this is what I suggested to my friend. GIve your dd a few more months of laying next to her as she falls to sleep (I know it's tough), and then try to transition. It worked for my friend. I don't know if your dh is in the picture to help, but mine would lay next to him at night at the start at night...once the night went on, they would not. I cannot remember how many nights, dh would hold the baby while I was peeing in the bathroom w/ the baby screaming bc they wanted me and not him. My little guy is 19 months and once the sun goes down, he is not into his daddy. Once in a while, he will tolerate him, but he really wants me. My first would take daddy at night and slept through the night w/ him at 15 months when I easily nightweaned. THe next nightweaned at 24 months and would have nothing to do w/ daddy. My third, we haven't really tried bc he is not into daddy.<br>
I think my second and third did not like daddy as much bc I cosleep w/ them, while he cosleeps w/ the older. Now he sleeps alone bc he needs to sleep all night w/out wakingn up bc of his job. I promise we will all sleep again!! It may take a while, but we'll get there. My second child is a dr sears dream sleeper. But it took 24 months. But after that, she would just lay her head down and be asleep. It was amazing and ALL worth it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MommyDOK</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15464279"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I always wondered if I 'made them this way"</div>
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Yes me too, in fact I'm pretty sure I DID make him this way... I am just way too attached to him, I miss him when he's asleep... when he was a month or so old, I had such an intense need to be with him that I would often pick him up if he fell asleep somewhere else and let him finish the nap on me... he never woke up but I'm sure he got accustomed to being on me. But at the same time he is soooo high-needs and he is NOT a restful sleeper (has always woken every 30-45 minutes & only in the past few months has he really been able to resettle himself without nursing sometimes)... so as much as I know I contributed, I also wonder how much worse off we all would have been if I had separated myself from him more often. When he wakes up, looks at me, and cuddles up to fall back to sleep, I feel like it's so "RIGHT" but sometimes it is soooo frustrating that I can't get out of bed without him popping up wide awake. I have very mixed feelings on it but in the end I think I'd do it all the same next time around... well, maybe not EXACTLY the same since I'll have an older kid to chase around too! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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So sorry! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I don't really have much advice... unfortunately. We went through something similar,and part of the solution was patience and time, another major part was my dh helping more. My dh has never been much a night time helper, and I think that's why we got into the situation we were in.<br><br>
It helped to have him go in at the same time every night to take care of my ds. Gradually ds would sleep longer without needing me
 

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Have you tried a pacifier or a crib vibrator? I started using the crib vibrator after seeing how nicely my babes slept in one of those vibrating/bouncy chairs.
 

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I'm a human pacifier, too! I really wish she'd night wean because I think the all-night breastfeeding is damaging her teeth.<br><br>
I can empathize--my child is 19 months, but I do get breaks here and there.<br><br>
She never was crazy about a "fooler" (pacifier) she has always wanted the real thing!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kdescalzi</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15457636"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well at least I feel better knowing I am not the only one. I was beginning to feel I was the only mama in bed whenever my lo says so!</div>
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Not at all. My guy has himself on a schedule. We are in bed by 10 PM every night. No exceptions. I stay in bed right next to him and surf the web or read.
 

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I agree with a lot of what mamabutterfly said. It's OK that your child wants to nurse all night but it's OK that you're done with it, too. DD went through a phase recently of waking up early in the night (before my bedtime) and I just sent my DH in. I can't say it was always tear free but she got used to it from me working occasional evenings (where I was just not available to her). Once she adjusted things were much better for everyone. She was about a year when I started the job, actually.<br><br>
DD is my second and from the start pretty much I've been very clear with my limits. I wasn't going to run and nurse her in the middle of reading a book to my son (for example) so she learned to settle with DH early on. Also I made sure to keep up with my monthly book club and occasional nights out with friends. My son 'got' me whenever he wanted as an infant and I totally hit a wall in his second year. I had to do things differently this time.<br><br>
Balance is key. Your whole family has needs! Sometimes your needs come first. Sometimes your partner's needs come first and sometimes your children. The want/need thing becomes blurry as your child emerges from infancy. I feel that my task is to help lead them to where they fit in with my whole family's needs. It's good to model this for your children, I think.
 
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