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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Spell it out for me, mamas. What do I do?<br><br>
Here's the scenario.<br><br>
DD (4) is yelling at her sister (10 months) in the playroom, usually saying "Get away!" or yelling at me, "Get her away!"<br><br>
I've hung a sign up in the room saying, "If it is down, M will get it." (DD can read that.)<br><br>
We've talked about it.<br><br>
We've set up a place WITHIN the playroom where she can play (up high) out of her sister's reach.<br><br>
I've removed DD from the room (several times, consecutively) for screaming. Screaming in the playroom at us is just a no.<br><br>
DD may use any room in the house to play. But, if she chooses the playroom, that's shared space.<br><br>
I have tried to involve her younger DD in whatever game . . .ex: DD likes playing Rudolph, so her sister is the Abominable Baby (snowman), coming to get her stuff. Doesn't work.<br><br>
I have tried roleplaying. Again, sticking to the Rudolph theme here, with Clarice (she's the big sister in our game, Rudolph is the baby) complaining about how hard it is to be the sister.<br><br>
But still, the screaming continues.
 

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Wow, our dds must have been separated at birth! Funny, I didn't notice I had twins.<br><br>
Anyway, two suggestions that have had (limited) effectiveness.<br><br>
-Make sure you keep dd1's bed made, and she can move her game up there. My dd's bed is very high, so this works very well, if I can convince her to move up there.<br><br>
-We have a PacknPlay for the child I babysit, when he's not here, dd1 plays inside it with her dolls and other more elaborate toys.<br><br>
I'll be watching hopefully for other ideas!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mizelenius</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We've set up a place WITHIN the playroom where she can play (up high) out of her sister's reach.</div>
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Oh, sorry, just realized you've tried this.
 

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Nothing simple to add. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br>
We got through this. It is very hard for ds, who often wants to play where we are, but still doesn't want his stuff "toddlerized".<br>
We've done what you've done (minus the sign, ds doesn't read) regarding space issues (he has his own place to play, the playroom is shared space) and it just seems to be an issue we have to go over again and again. I wonder sometimes if it isn't just one way he expresses his grief at having to share things he once had all to himself. I am coming to see that adding a sibling is a long complex process full of joy and heartache. I just keep validating how hard it is to share, read our favorite book about sibilings Silly Billy (sorry blanking on the author right now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> ) explain how babies/toddlers play, fix anything that gets wrecked, as well as try to play alone with ds whenever we can in his own space, AND uphold the need to express his frustration in respectful words (modeling, reminding, taking a break from the play when this isn't enough).<br>
Not simple and maybe not what you were looking for, but I hope it helps some.
 

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Nothing to add, just wanted to say that my son plays Rudolph and Clarice all the time too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> , I'm Clarice.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mizelenius</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">DD (4) is yelling at her sister (10 months) in the playroom, usually saying "Get away!" or yelling at me, "Get her away!"</div>
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She has options (taking her toys one of the "safer" places), but she would prefer to stay where she is and have you remove dear sister.<br><br>
I would stop going over the choices (she knows them), and distract dd2 for a moment while telling dd1 "You need to be a problem solver. How can you solve this problem?" Insist that dd2 is free to roam in that space--that is shared space, but assure dd1 that she is capable of finding a solution.<br><br>
ETA--It sometimes helps for me to discuss control with dd. For example, your dd can control where she goes, but she can not control where her sister goes (in shared spaces). This is not to say that it is not Possible to control where her sister goes, but rather that it is not Appropriate to control where her sister goes. It isn't right.
 

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I went through this same thing with my older two when my youngest was about that age. We're over it now for the most part, but here's what I did:<br><br>
1. Redirect<br>
2. Remind<br><br>
I would try to redirect the baby toward something else, sometimes it would work, sometimes it wouldn't. I did teach my older two how to redirect him, and he's alot more open to redirection from them. I would also remind the older two that he has a right to play there to. I would sometimes make suggestions "I see you are playing with alot of animals. I think he just wants to play too, could you give him one of your animals so he thinks he is?" or "You know, your bedroom floor might be a better place to do that puzzle because then it will be out of harms way" or "There are such little pieces in that lego set that maybe doing it on the table would be better. The pieces won't get lost and we won't have to worry about the baby trying to eat them". I didn't give all the reminders everytime, when I did its like they didn't hear anything. And there was a time when I was doing this several times a day. But now, they generally do it themselves. If the baby is getting into something they don't want him to, they redirect him or move without complaint.<br><br>
Another thing - children this age don't automatically understand that the baby has a different view of the world...one that changes gradually. I can't count the number of times that I've told my children that we have to be patient with the baby because he thinks he's the only important one and that we're all here for his entertainment. I also tell them stories (in a playful, silly way) about how they used to do things like this that got in the way or messed things up. Like when ds tossed the remote control in the toilet. I think telling stories like this have helped them be more understanding and patient with babies <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I have noticed that a lot of the time, kids can be good at coming up with their own solutions to problems, but first they really want to feel heard by the parent. If I say something like-- <i>wow! it seems like you're feeling frustated that you're sister keeps taking your toys. Can you think of a way to solve this problem?</i> --usually that's all it takes, especially when we have gone over lots of solutions in the past.
 

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One thing my mom always did was make a big deal out of how the baby's naptime was a special playtime for older kids. Like, "Oh, the baby's asleep! This would be a perfect time to get out the legos/do a big art project/play a board game together!"<br><br>
The baby's naptime can be a time for your older daughter to get to spread her stuff all over the playroom wherever she wants it, without having to worry about being restricted. It may be easier for her to tolerate the frustration of sharing space if she's being told "put that away until M goes down for her nap," instead of "put that away if you don't want M to get it."
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Some great suggestions here . . .I have been applying the one of putting the ball in older DD's court today and that has been WORKING. Sometimes it seems like she's reading a script (what she thinks she "should" do) instead of thinking the problem through.<br><br>
Rivka, ahh, if only naptime existed here . . .so hard on older DD (and me!) that younger DD doesn't really nap!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
Trace--<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> DD got the Rudolph playset (from e-bay) for her birthday and so we are swimming in Rudolphs. She loves the misfit theme . . .Nestor, "Happy," etc.
 
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