I need some insight.
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Truthfully mama, it doesn't sound as if he is emotionally invested in your marriage. At least not to the extent that you are. It's as if you are running a constant checklist in your head of ways to please him. Keep house clean, check. Make nice meals, check. Don't nag, ask for his time, or ever complain, check.
Your sig line says he's the love of your life. Are you the love of his life? I'm not picking on you mama, I'm simply saying that if this person is not willing to do anything to meet you halfway, or even a little way...then your ds is better off with two HAPPY parents, rather than 2 that stay together, miserable, just for his sake.
Sorry for the brevity, I have more to say but ds is fussy and needs a nap.
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mama. Search your heart. Find ways to make you happy.
Your sig line says he's the love of your life. Are you the love of his life? I'm not picking on you mama, I'm simply saying that if this person is not willing to do anything to meet you halfway, or even a little way...then your ds is better off with two HAPPY parents, rather than 2 that stay together, miserable, just for his sake.
Sorry for the brevity, I have more to say but ds is fussy and needs a nap.
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I think the 'love of my life' refers to her ds
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I'm just guessing here... Because I can identify with a lot of what Emilie is saying.. The "Screw you dude- screw you" line had me laughing, because I have said it to my self so often.
I'm not sure what to tell you - I have felt just like you did so often (although I'm the one who works outside the home more than dh (d?) does, and he stays with dd more) But I do also feel like I am more emotionally invested in our relationship, and have to 'fight' for 'us' time - away from the TV instead of the computer in our case.
I also would have been gone a long time ago if it wasn't for dd. It goes both ways - I don't want her to see us fight and not get along... but I don't want to rip apart her family - she loves both of us so much! This has been going on for most of her life - she's just over 3 yrs old.
On the other hand, I know I am not perfect. I know that running away from this relationship without trying to work things out will follow me into other relationships. I have a good friend that's divorced and have said numerous times that knowing what she knows now, she wouldn't have gotten divorced - because of how spiteful her ex is and their custody issues. Not saying you should stay in a marriage and be unhappy, but you also have to realize he'll always be in your life as your son's father. Unless you think he would not want to ever have visitation, you'll have to deal with him for a long time to come. (and any future girlfriends, wives, etc)
Now I'm just rambling. My h and I had a fight last night, so my attitude is a bit tainted by that.
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to you. sorry for the rambling
I'm not sure what to tell you - I have felt just like you did so often (although I'm the one who works outside the home more than dh (d?) does, and he stays with dd more) But I do also feel like I am more emotionally invested in our relationship, and have to 'fight' for 'us' time - away from the TV instead of the computer in our case.
I also would have been gone a long time ago if it wasn't for dd. It goes both ways - I don't want her to see us fight and not get along... but I don't want to rip apart her family - she loves both of us so much! This has been going on for most of her life - she's just over 3 yrs old.
On the other hand, I know I am not perfect. I know that running away from this relationship without trying to work things out will follow me into other relationships. I have a good friend that's divorced and have said numerous times that knowing what she knows now, she wouldn't have gotten divorced - because of how spiteful her ex is and their custody issues. Not saying you should stay in a marriage and be unhappy, but you also have to realize he'll always be in your life as your son's father. Unless you think he would not want to ever have visitation, you'll have to deal with him for a long time to come. (and any future girlfriends, wives, etc)
Now I'm just rambling. My h and I had a fight last night, so my attitude is a bit tainted by that.
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I'm so sorry you are going through this
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it sounds like you are putting a plan in action already. good for you
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please know we will be here to support you, whatever you choose. my only advice is simple. if you are starting to regret your life with him, it's definitly time to get out!
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Have you told him you're ready to leave?
you said he won't go to counselling? would he go if he knew how serious you were?
hope your day is better today!
you said he won't go to counselling? would he go if he knew how serious you were?
hope your day is better today!
it is better today... kinda- he has agreed to go grocery shopping with us when he gets home- hopefully soon- since he has nothing to do at work.
And help get the house ready for Christmas. He has next week off- so that will tell alot- what he chooses to do with the time....
I keep hoping he will improve- My aunts husband is now really great- and for the first 15 years until he had a heart attack he was pretty crappy-
UGH!!!- I am not doing this for 15 years tho!!!
EMilie
And help get the house ready for Christmas. He has next week off- so that will tell alot- what he chooses to do with the time....
I keep hoping he will improve- My aunts husband is now really great- and for the first 15 years until he had a heart attack he was pretty crappy-
UGH!!!- I am not doing this for 15 years tho!!!
EMilie
I am glad things are a little better, it sounds like.
I too know what it is like to not feel appreciated.
The main piece of advice I have for you is to just straight up tell him everything you just vented here.
I know it seems like the way you react (or dont react) to things he does (or doesnt do) that he should see how unhappy you are. He probably doesnt.
Sometimes you just have to plain spell it out for them. I did and I was glad because my dp had no clue about the things that had been bothering me for so long until I just came out and said it. I hate to generalize but men do not think like we do. Not good or bad...just completely different priorities in their daily thinking...sometimes you just got to put it out there.
If you communicate with him and he seems non responsive or is disrespectful...I might just say "if things dont improve or if you are not even willing to open up to the idea that we have a problem.....than we will have a problem." Something to that effect.
I would also clearly state your concern for your sons well being. He needs to understand that the way he treats you also affects the way his son views him....not good. He should try to be the best he can be for his child and his partner....after all you are a family...you have to take the good with the bad but when the bad overwhelms the good...its time to rethink.
Can you tell I have had this conversation before?
Good luck Mama
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I too know what it is like to not feel appreciated.
The main piece of advice I have for you is to just straight up tell him everything you just vented here.
I know it seems like the way you react (or dont react) to things he does (or doesnt do) that he should see how unhappy you are. He probably doesnt.
Sometimes you just have to plain spell it out for them. I did and I was glad because my dp had no clue about the things that had been bothering me for so long until I just came out and said it. I hate to generalize but men do not think like we do. Not good or bad...just completely different priorities in their daily thinking...sometimes you just got to put it out there.
If you communicate with him and he seems non responsive or is disrespectful...I might just say "if things dont improve or if you are not even willing to open up to the idea that we have a problem.....than we will have a problem." Something to that effect.
I would also clearly state your concern for your sons well being. He needs to understand that the way he treats you also affects the way his son views him....not good. He should try to be the best he can be for his child and his partner....after all you are a family...you have to take the good with the bad but when the bad overwhelms the good...its time to rethink.
Can you tell I have had this conversation before?
Good luck Mama
I think you should start focusing on making you happy and stop worrying about whether he is happy. It is human nature to run when we are being chased and chase when someone runs... better to be the one being chased. Make sure he knows that you are packing your bags, ready to move on and see if he is willing to fight to keep you... otherwise, move on. And I never say that. I am a marriage therapist. But he needs to get in or get out. He sounds like he is being a spoiled brat and this marriage can work, if he decides to work but you can't make him, or push him. He has to want it. He is just taking it all for granted. About the only time I see men come in for therapy alone is when they realize they have ruined everything and it is really too late. By the time they really understand just how serious their wives are, she has packed up and left and often already moving on to the next relationship... sorry Charlie.
Don't worry so much about what you are going to do with the rest of your life, there is time to think about other kids and other relationships. You can't predict the future, all you can do is the best one day at a time. Good luck.
Don't worry so much about what you are going to do with the rest of your life, there is time to think about other kids and other relationships. You can't predict the future, all you can do is the best one day at a time. Good luck.
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As I was reading your op, I was thinking that he sounds like he is having an affair. Is this possible?
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