Mothering Forum banner

1 - 15 of 15 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
359 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
The last 2 weeks have been rough. Elaina started teething, and just when she was back to her happy self, she got sick. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/fever.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Fever">: poor kid.<br>
unfortunately, poor mama too. My husband works absolutely crazy hours, so I am usually the sole caregiver.<br>
She's been crying on and off all day. Nothing sooths her. She eats, falls asleep, and about 20 minutes later, wakes up screaming. It breaks my heart.<br><br>
I needed a break, big time, just for 3-4 minutes. I swaddled her, put her in her swing (yes, I own a swing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and went to run a load of diapers. I could hear her crying. It broke my heart, and I started to cry. I started the washer, and as I walked back to the living room, I anticipated gathering her up in my arms, and holding her tight. By the time I got to the living room she was asleep. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jaw2"><br>
I put my daughter down and let her CIO!!!!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I AM SOO HORRIBLE!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
I am crying, I don't dare wake her, but I am so horrified, that my beautiful little girl cried herself to sleep!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br>
I hate myself so much.....but I just needed a break so badly. It was only for a couple minutes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty"><br>
I just feel so horrible!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
My brain keeps telling me that I'm not a bad mom, but my heart is just torn apart by what happened. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br>
I feel terrible.....<br><br>
~Moose
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,029 Posts
I wouldn't consider a couple of minutes crying it out. Don't beat yourself up about it no mama is perfect and we all have our moment were we just need a couple of minutes to regroup.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,878 Posts
3-4 minutes is an accident, not CIO. I know there are extremists here who might come in and try to make you feel guilty, but I hope they see you're doing a good enough job of feeling bad all by yourself. Don't beat yourself up. It is incredibly stressful being the sole caregiver for such a helpless little person. Take a deep breath and try to remind yourself that you're doing the best you can and you love her and in the end, that's what is going to matter the most.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
666 Posts
Don't feel bad mama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">. It was only a few minates, as stated above no-ones perfect, and it wasn't your intention to let her CIO, she just happened to fall asleep in the few minates from when you left her to when you went to pick her up, it doesn't make you a horrible mother at all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,907 Posts
Oh honey, don't feel bad. These things happen (happened to me when my son was about 4 months old, in fact). It wasn't intentional, you know that, so try not to worry about it. Your baby knows you love her! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,477 Posts
Your daughter needed sleep, to throw off her illness. That's why she fell asleep. She didn't fall asleep because you put her down to CIO, she fell asleep because she needed to- and, indeed, she's probably been crying because she needs the sleep so badly (my dd is a lousy, lousy sleeper so I can sympathise.) These things happen. Instead of sitting here crying, go and get forty winks yourself, and then the two of you can move on together.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.<br><br>
This isn't CIO. It's not child training. It's you taking literally five minutes to regroup before recommencing. It's TOTALLY TOTALLY different from the crap that Ezzo and Gina Ford recommend.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,595 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>flapjack</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6459939"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Your daughter needed sleep, to throw off her illness. That's why she fell asleep. She didn't fall asleep because you put her down to CIO, she fell asleep because she needed to- and, indeed, she's probably been crying because she needs the sleep so badly (my dd is a lousy, lousy sleeper so I can sympathise.) These things happen. Instead of sitting here crying, go and get forty winks yourself, and then the two of you can move on together.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.<br><br>
This isn't CIO. It's not child training. It's you taking literally five minutes to regroup before recommencing. It's TOTALLY TOTALLY different from the crap that Ezzo and Gina Ford recommend.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
ITA. Be gentle to yourself mama. You are doing a wonderful job.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,214 Posts
<b><i><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size:large;"><span>Don't beat yourself up about it hun we all need a few minuites sometimes and she was obviously tired thats why she fell asleep a few mins is not cio <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"></span></span></span></i></b>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
359 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks.<br>
I really needed to hear that I wasn't a bad mommy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
~Moose
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,313 Posts
Sometimes my DD talks, or cries herself to sleep, even if she is being held. There are times when nursing just doesn't quite get her to sleep or if she's overtired or overstimulated. I've never felt that I was letting her CIO, except maybe when she's in the carseat in the car and trying to get to sleep and just needs that final push. Then it just sounds horrible, but she won't take a pacifer AT ALL, and I know that making noise, whether crying or talking, is soothing to her. Some days are worse than others so don't beat yourself up over 5 minutes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
940 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>flapjack</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/6459939"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Your daughter needed sleep, to throw off her illness. That's why she fell asleep. She didn't fall asleep because you put her down to CIO, she fell asleep because she needed to- and, indeed, she's probably been crying because she needs the sleep so badly (my dd is a lousy, lousy sleeper so I can sympathise.) These things happen. Instead of sitting here crying, go and get forty winks yourself, and then the two of you can move on together.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.<br><br>
This isn't CIO. It's not child training. It's you taking literally five minutes to regroup before recommencing. It's TOTALLY TOTALLY different from the crap that Ezzo and Gina Ford recommend.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
CIO is deliberately putting down your still-awake child with the intent of "teaching" her to "self-soothe" (such a dumb term IMO), and leaving her down no matter how much she cries. Her <i>beginning</i> to cry while you're throwing in one load of laundry is not CIO.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
760 Posts
a few weeks ago I had to put the baby down on his blanket in order to catch my 6 yo before he ran out in front of the ice cream man.I knew I couldn't run carrying a 22 lb baby-baby was already fussy and sleepy-he started crying as soon as I put him down-but the thought of a 6 yo in front of an ice cream truck was a little more scary at the moment-by the time I got back inside he was asleep on the blanket on the floor. I felt bad for him but thankful that 6yo was ok. These things happen-its part of being a mommy. She will be fine and it was a crying baby who is sick and fell asleep-not you putting her in a room and closing the door to LET her cry no matter how long to go to sleep. CIO is intentional-a mindset of "babies should be left to cry".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,005 Posts
For one thing, you weren't trying to teach her a lesson or train her. For another thing, it sounds like she was fussing herself to sleep. If it was CIO and she'd never done CIO before, she'd have been crying for a lot longer. I do feel sorry for your baby that she is teething and sick though. Hope she feels better soon.<br><br>
P.S. I tend to think of situations as CIO more readily than a lot of people on here, and this didn't bother me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,963 Posts
Dare I say that in technical terms my baby CIO every night. He does not want to be held, does not want to nurse, does not want to be entertained, does not want to be in the sling, etc. etc. etc. But if I lay him down in the pack and play bassinet in the playroom, he cries for a few minutes, then falls asleep peacefully. I think being with me is too stimulating for him. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Of course I always try everything else first, and I make sure he's dry and comfortable first, but it almost always ends this way at night; he just needs to be alone to fall asleep.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,402 Posts
My baby also likes to falls asleep alone. She used to cry a few minutes. When I try to hold her before bed, she'll push off me and try to dive bomb for her crib. She just likes being by herself to go to sleep, and sometimes she'll squawk a few minutes before she goes out. I'm right there so it's no cio. I think a lot of babies do this.<br><br>
Being a good mama is also about meeting your child's needs. Your child needed to sleep, and she did.
 
1 - 15 of 15 Posts
Top