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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi! I've been meaning to write and ask for some support and advice for our situation.

We co-sleep. My DS will be 4 in less than 2 weeks and my DD is 20 months old. I am currently (unexpectedly) 11, almost 12, weeks pg. We have tried without success to move our DS to his own room and his own bed for 2 years now. He has an incredibly active imagination - which manifests itself at night as bad dreams and restless sleep. He sleeps so much better when he is with us, that I don't push the issue very much on having him leave our bed. Besides, I can't describe to you how comforting it is to me to wake up and within a glance be able to see my family sleeping peacefully and I can go back to sleep.

I had to wean my DD when I discovered I was pg - my breasts were too sore for words and she was down to only 1-2 times a day. She, as her brother, are great cuddlers and we've tried 3 times to have her sleep in her own bed next to my DS - but she just doesn't like it and cries until we bring her into our own bed.

Now with #3 on their way, I wonder - should I try and push the issue? Or just make more room in the bed? Any of the friends I do have who co-slept only did it until their child was 7 or 8 months old. NONE of my friends understand my dilemma. Am I weird in that I actually like cuddling with my children at night? As with most of you who co-sleep - DH and I find other areas of the house to be intimate... but I can't tell you how many friends have felt the need to question me as to where we do the deed.

I don't bring it up to any of my friends, but when they spend the night (which is occasionally) the issue is often discovered. My Mom thinks I am scarring my children for life, although she loves them dearly and feels that otherwise I must be doing a great job because they are wonderfully intelligent and adjusted.

A part of me feels almost superior to my friends, which makes me feel bad, because my children are so very outgoing and loving, whereas their children are reserved and whiny and very shy. I'm not saying it is because of the co-sleeping, but I certainly have seen a great deal of the positive in my own children and attribute it to the fact that they have never cried unnecessarily in their life.

So... if you agree that what I am doing isn't weird, can you cyberly hold my hand or something and tell me that what I am doing is just trusting my instincts?

I have to tell you, as we were putting our children down to sleep tonight and I had my DS on one side and my DD on the other and both were cuddled in the crook of my arms... I realized how tenuous life is. As much as there are times where I would like to have the bed back to myself, I realize that all too soon they will be out of my bed forever. I guess that is why I wonder, too, if I am being too smothering?

Thanks in advance for your words!
 

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I don't think you are being weird at all! You should keep your children by your side, in your bed, however/where ever you want them and where ever they feel the safest/most secure. It sounds to me like the ole' southern saying: "If it ain't broke don't fix it" applies here!

Isn't it funny that people think the only place couples can be intimate is in their own bed. I guess people aren't very creative in this department :LOL

It's funny you mentioned how your children behave because my ds who is 2 is exactly like you described. He's very verbal, happy ALL the time, friendly to everyone and is just an absolute joy to be around. I often wonder if it has something to do with the fact that his cries have always been answered tenderly and lovingly, he still bf when he wants to, we co-sleep and he's never once cried himself to sleep. Yet, with all the comments we get on his happy personality, people still wonder why we do what we do.. Go figure!
 

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Didn't you see the post about Bono from U2? He has a super size bed so that all 4 of his kids can cosleep if they want. And his oldest are teenagers. He says sometimes it ends up being 6 at night. I love that its true, and I love that he was brave enough to say it to the press.

No- you have not scared them for life. When you oldest wants to be more independent, he will ask for your help. He will want to be able to sleep over at other friends houses and he will need to learn to be brave sometimes. He does need your help figuring out how to manage his imagination but you've got plenty of time.

I see lots of really mainstream families and I say that the #1 secret of suburbia is how often kids are in bed with their parents. I think the problem is that they feel guilty about this and make it a secret. We need to brag about how responsive we are to our children, not sneak around. Just know. Know you are doing well by your kids. As long as everyone gets enough sleep (and grown ups get enough...) sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
 

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We have our 4yr old and 2 yr old in our bed!
We have 2 queen mattresses on the floor - sometimes the other 4 kids come cuddling too.
Keep on following your loving instincts mama, you're doing a great job!
 

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Our 4 year old is the same, active imagunation and processes in her sleep. We had a toddler bed in our room within arm's reach of our bed so I could sleep holding her hand if I had to, but still had room for myself and no kicking in the shins/legs/ belly/ CHIN!
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Well, you all got me all choked up. I could blame it on the pregnancy hormones, but I think it has more to do with the fact that there are other families out there who feel as I do and I don't have to explain my actions to you.

Recently we borrowed "The Biggest Bed In The World" from the library and although I had heard rave reviews about it, until I read it to my children I hadn't really realized what a great book it is. My son can't fathom not sleeping with your parents... he actually feels sorry for the friends who have to sleep in their own rooms all by themselves.

Thanks again for your support and your stories. You all are wonderful!
 

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We had a big family bed with 1, 2 and then 3 kids in it. The 2 older ones (dds) moved out when they were 5 and 7 and shared a bed for 3 more yrs.

The youngest finally transitioned to his own bed when he was 8 and I laid down next to him til he got to sleep or told me I could leave until he was about 10!

Those were sweet sweet times (annoying sometimes
but all too fleeting).
 

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You're not wierd! We have 3 kids in with us and have a king and a queen pushed together to make one giant bed


I love The Biggest Bed in the World
Friends of ours who are a co-sleeping family gave it to us!
 

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When ours started to get bigger and the bed got overcrowded, we put the oldest two in a smaller bed pushed right up against ours. That way, we were still all together, and everybody could breathe. We never really worried about it, because our house is so small that we don't have enough bedrooms anyway.
 

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I just got the Biggest Bed in the World the other day - it is soooo priceless, I love it!!!!

You are not weird, you are a loving mother trying to do the best for your children. The way I see it is if you are happy, and your DH is happy and your children are happy then how can that possibly be wrong??

Kitty
 

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well, if you're weird then we're all weird! and proud of it! i only have one child (21mos) but we co-sleep and would have it no other way. i intend to co-sleep until he's ready to sleep elsewhere, whenever that is. when we have 2 kids we'll sleep with both. when we have 3 we'll push two beds together and sleep there. the more the merrier! they're my family. they mean the world to me. why would i deprive myself and them from cuddle time? what am i doing in the middle of the night WHILE I'M ASLEEP that's so important and secretive that they can't be with me?? makes no sense to me!
 

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Quote:
why would i deprive myself and them from cuddle time? what am i doing in the middle of the night WHILE I'M ASLEEP that's so important and secretive that they can't be with me??
This is so true michele! As much as I am a proponent of cosleeping, I never really thought about it this way!
 
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