[BCFD]

We found out that DD1 and DD3's birthmom gave birth to a child on Friday. We have known about the pregnancy for about 7 months and because we are in touch with her and know her history very well, we honestly thought CPS would step in immediately, within hours, like they have in the past. This is her 9th child and she does not have custody of any of them. The birth father was there for the birth (we actually called them at the hospital) and he seemed excited and happy and kept thanking us for calling. He said that they (birthmom and he) talk about DP and I all the time and how thankful they are for us.

Here is where I need to find some sort of solace in all of this. Birthmom is absolutely not capable of taking this child home and being a fit mom (she has told us many times that she doesn't have a maternal bone in her body). She is also a chronic drug user with a long and recent felony criminal background. The birth father also has a very long criminal background and from what we understand there is also sexual molestation of a minor on his record. It's just not a pretty picture no matter how you spin it. CPS has intervened 8 times and now DP and I are afraid that they will actually be able to take this child home. Apparently, she had her first pre-natal visit the day before the child was born, so she probably said she had pre-natal "care". This is a small hospital in a semi rural area that only staff's on-call social workers, so I don't think they are on top of these sorts of situations. And it's in a completely different county than previous cases.

We do know that CPS is "investigating", but I doubt a tox screen was done on the baby. I'm just beside myself with worry over this situation. We have talked about the possibility of accepting placement and possible adoption, but it's probably not likely. We have our hands full right now with our 3 girls. I am just so afraid for this baby.

I have been sick with worry since learning about this yesterday.

How can the system fail children so badly?

 

[Smithie]

Oh, jeez.

Is there anybody you can call to give a heads-up? Since you are not particularly looking to adopt again right now, I don't think your motives are suspect. And really, who the heck cares what any SW thinks as long as she gets prodded to call her buddy over in the next county and tell them to intervene?

 

[queenjane]

In my state the baby would automatically come into care...my son's mother had right terminated to two kids like eight years before my son was born, and they still wouldnt let her take the new baby home, even though there was no drug use. Is that not the case where you live? In fact, here they would likely ask for permanent wardship immediately, no case plan for reunification.

I'd call the sw/agency that you worked with for your dd's, and give them a heads up, just so they know.

Katherine

 

[Whistler]

That's what I was thinking. Can't YOU call CPS? Would it totally offend the bmom and ruin your relationship? I think here the baby would automatically come into care but I am not sure.

 

[BCFD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Whistler That's what I was thinking. Can't YOU call CPS? Would it totally offend the bmom and ruin your relationship? I think here the baby would automatically come into care but I am not sure.

We did. They don't have to know it was us who called. They said if they didn't call back, it would be under investigation. They never called back. They said the only way they would call us is if it was a different county (we called around to 3 different counties trying to figure out who was going to handle the case).

Quote:

In my state the baby would automatically come into care...my son's mother had right terminated to two kids like eight years before my son was born, and they still wouldnt let her take the new baby home, even though there was no drug use. Is that not the case where you live? In fact, here they would likely ask for permanent wardship immediately, no case plan for reunification. I'd call the sw/agency that you worked with for your dd's, and give them a heads up, just so they know.

Katherine, what state are you in? From what I understand the county that we live in pretty much operates like this. Unfortunately she gave birth in an area a few counties away from us. With her last 2 children (that we adopted) there was no question about what the case plan was. There was no reunification offered and birthparents didn't fight it at all. It just scares me in this case that birth dad may be willing to fight, but I don't see how he can given his history.

The baby was born on Friday. They usually only keep them there for 24 hours. I don't know if I should call the hospital? Call the CPS office? I just need to know what is going on. We *may* be willing to adopt, but realistically I just don't think it's possible. My main concern is that this baby is placed into foster care with a no reunification plan and that my children will grow up to know this baby.

 

[queenjane]

I'm in MI.

I wouldnt be so sure they would send the baby home after 24 hours...my son was in the hospital for *two weeks* even though as far as i know he was a healthy fullterm infant w/ no drug exposure. I think they just didnt know what the plan would be for him so he stayed in the hospital while they figured it out. The county had to first contact his relative who had the other sibs, wait for her decision, then they had to line up another foster home. Dont know why that took so long but it did. Maybe they were deciding whether they would take him into care or not. Also, weekends and holidays might delay things like getting court order and such (dont know how that works, either)....basically what i am saying is dont assume they already sent the baby home w/ the parents.

If you know what hospital the baby is in, you might consider calling the hospital sw, explaining the situation, just to make sure that they know there is a history with this baby. That may cause her to call DHS herself, seems like there would be liability issues to send a newborn home with unstable parents after being informed, without first contacting DHS.

I dont envy your position, it must be horrible to know there is a baby that is a sib to your kids and feel that you cant adopt that child. I would love to adopt a bio sib of my son's (though of course i dont "wish" that on his mother or the new baby, to be born only to come into care, but i still fantasize at the chance to adopt another newborn)...but i know that there are many families that can't keep on adopting each new sib that comes into care. But if you think there is any way you can swing it, i'd encourage you to really think about it (not that you ARENT of course!!) because there is no guarantee where that baby will end up once s/he is in care. You could end up with a situation where the baby is in a home unwilling to maintain contact, or even being adopted into a less-than-stellar home. Its tough.

Katherine

 

[confustication]

What a mess, however, there is always the chance the mom is goin to try to parent this child, and that the state will give her that opportunity...

You can certainly share any information you have then hope for the best.

 

[AndVeeGeeMakes3]

Oh, man, I'm so sorry. Hugs hugs hugs.

I'm dreading the day this happens in our life.

 

[BCFD]

We called mom and dad tonight and they did get to take the baby home. Honestly, I'm downright disgusted with a system that could allow this to happen. All I can do is hope for the best. Dad sounds like a nice guy, so all I can do is pray that he and this baby help to change mom around. Unlikely, but one can hope. It wouldn't surprise me to see this baby in jeopardy and get a call within a few months. But who knows. At least we know what the deal is. CPS is involved, so now we just wait. All I really wanted to know that the baby was safe and unfortunately that is just not going to be the case.

Thanks all for the advice and support during this very sad time for our family.

 

[queenjane]

I just dont understand how the state can decide that the mom *cannot* parent two children within the past couple of years...but suddenly she CAN parent a defenseless baby?! That they are basically going to let her "try" is really scary to me, because if she "fails"...the ramifications are so great. Hopefully the presence of the dad will protect the little one. The way the system works never fails to surprise me.

Katherine

 

[BCFD]

Quote:

Originally Posted by queenjane I just dont understand how the state can decide that the mom *cannot* parent two children within the past couple of years...but suddenly she CAN parent a defenseless baby?! That they are basically going to let her "try" is really scary to me, because if she "fails"...the ramifications are so great. Hopefully the presence of the dad will protect the little one. The way the system works never fails to surprise me. Katherine

This is all I can hope for. The baby that was born 2 years before DD1 actually lives with her birthfather and he fought HARD and spent a lot of money to get custody of her. He's a nice guy and loves his daughter, but it's definitely not ideal. I know what will happen. Mom and Dad will both wind up in jail and the baby will go back into foster care and we may never find him. This system is just so messed up. I'm sorry, but biology doesn't automatically make you the "best" for the child in cases like this. All we can do is keep in contact with them to make sure that baby is ok. Thanks again to everybody who listened.