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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hello all fellow SAHMs!<br><br>
I have a 1 1/2 yr old DD and a 2 1/2 yr old DS. I was a teacher for 7 yrs. I worked part-time after DS was born and MIL watched the kids. It was gettting to be a bit much for her, which I understand, so we decided that I would stay home this year. Honestly, the cost of childcare would be the same as my salary as a private-school teacher. I was hoping to possibly watch another child or two, which never really worked out. (Probably a good thing since my two keep me stressed-out enough!) And, I am working on becoming a free-lance editor, but jobs have come in rather slowly....hopefully soon! The point is....we cannot afford for me to SAHM, but we cannot afford for me to work outside of the home at this point. Childcare for two children would be the same as the daily pay for substitute teaching. Of course, I would rather raise my children myself, but staying home is a lot harder than I expected. I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I think I might enjoy it a lot more if we could relax about finances, but we are going way behind every month. I feel stuck! I cannot afford to work, but I cannot afford not to make an income. I keep going over it around and around in my head. How do you all make it work?
 

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Today I am feeling very trapped. I was just coming on here for the same reason! I am feeling so stuck because my DH has a part time thing and he keeps the money for fun things...I don't have the chance to do that because of his job and it isn't fair!!! All the things I was thinking of doing won't work because he travels and I can't think of anything that works around that.<br>
I know I am where I need to be for my kids though...sigh. Today it doesnt feel like it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AniellasMommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12386841"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Today I am feeling very trapped. I was just coming on here for the same reason! I am feeling so stuck because my DH has a part time thing and he keeps the money for fun things...I don't have the chance to do that because of his job and it isn't fair!!! All the things I was thinking of doing won't work because he travels and I can't think of anything that works around that.<br>
I know I am where I need to be for my kids though...sigh. Today it doesnt feel like it.</div>
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That's why I just came on here too!! My DH did a project for someone and they just sent him a $1000 check and he said it's all his, because it was extracurricular. I don't have any extracurricular because I'm the one who watches the 3 kids. When do I have a chance to do anything like that? The only time I get him to watch the kids is if I have to go to the doctor. My DH is on a rotating shift, so there's no way I can get any kind of job. I'm beyond irritated today. Doesn't help that it's that time besides. But still, I want some money of my own (we get a weekly allowance but I always end up spending mine on the kids). ARGH!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss">
 

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Will try to log back on with a more articulate reply later, but in the meantime: I hear you! I have been there and in many ways I am still there.
 

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Wow, I can't believe that your DHs would be like that, mine would never be like well I made this "extra" money so it's all for me. That's way lame. DH and I have both made more money than one another at points in our relationship, but we never have been this is mine-that's yours. You are in a partnership, and raising children is a very hard job.<br><br>
To the OP, I'm sorry that this is not working for you. I wish I had some advice, but that's a really tough position you are in can't work because it's too expensive/can't stay home because it's too expensive. Hmmm, that's definitely a toughie.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I have to say that the problem for me is definitely not DH. (I can imagine that would make things muh worse.) He is very supportive in whatever I want to do and works hard to try to provide for us. He just doesn't make enough for me to not make anything. We have a modest house and don't live too extravagantly. I have tried to cut down on some expenses. We CD, eat mostly from scratch etc... It just doesn't work. I always wanted to be a SAHM. But, it has been much more stressful than I had ever dreamed, and I feel guilty about that.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Norasmomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12387116"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Wow, I can't believe that your DHs would be like that, mine would never be like well I made this "extra" money so it's all for me. That's way lame.</div>
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Well, to be fair in the beginning he "asked" if he could keep the first check and I said sure, but now turned into a more regular thing and now he just keeps the money from that. But yeah...so not cool.
 

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To the OP: is it possible for you to find a job working opposite hours as your DH? It can be stressful to do this, but I do know families that this works for. Dad works days and mom works evenings/weekends.<br><br>
You mentioned that you're a teacher, have you considered tutoring?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">is it possible for you to find a job working opposite hours as your DH? It can be stressful to do this, but I do know families that this works for. Dad works days and mom works evenings/weekends.<br><br>
You mentioned that you're a teacher, have you considered tutoring?<br>
Today 08:10 PM</td>
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DH works long days (6am-8pm lately) and sometimes works out of town, so opposite hours would not work. Also, childcare would be an issue for tutoring as well. This is why free-lance editing is a good option because it is flexible and something I can do from home. The kids can go to MIL's house one or two days a week, or I could do some on the weekends when DH is home. Work is just slow coming in, so I am starting to freak out now. I miss teaching, but it just doesn't pay enough to make it worth it.
 

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Mine was a one-time thing. And DH makes good money, and we both get the same allowance each week. But it just irritated me that he thought he should get to keep it all, instead of putting into our savings, where we're trying to build up enough to get a new septic system, which is ridiculously expensive. But we had a discussion this morning about being thankful for each other's positions (him being thankful that I'm staying home and me being thankful that he works so many hours for us). He is in the middle of 72-hour weeks where all the OT goes to savings, so it isn't like he "gets more" for working more. So I sort of see his point. But I just don't have the option to work because he's got a rotating schedule and I'd have to pay for childcare to be able to do it. I guess I'm annoyed more than anything. I used to have a good salary. I've been home for 10 years (kids are 11, 8, 3) and every few years I get this irritation that I'm not "doing" something. I guess it gets to the SAHM thing where day in and day out I do the exact same things. People don't notice unless something <i>isn't</i> clean or something <i>isn't</i> done. They don't just say, thanks for doing our laundry mom. HAH. Once in a while they do thank me for dinner, but that's about it. I guess I'm just feeling the thanklessness of being a SAHM and the extra money goiing straight into his pocket just sort of accentuated it. He really is a good guy. And I am lucky to be able to stay home with the kids (something my mother, as a single parent, didn't have the option of).
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>StarMom2</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12387445"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have to say that the problem for me is definitely not DH. (I can imagine that would make things muh worse.) He is very supportive in whatever I want to do and works hard to try to provide for us. He just doesn't make enough for me to not make anything. We have a modest house and don't live too extravagantly. I have tried to cut down on some expenses. We CD, eat mostly from scratch etc... It just doesn't work. I always wanted to be a SAHM. But, it has been much more stressful than I had ever dreamed, and I feel guilty about that.</div>
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Have you checked to see if you qualify for WIC or other support? When we were really low income (when my dd was 1 and I was soooo hungry from nursing her all the time), I finally looked into food stamps, wic, energy assistance, etc. It made a big difference for my attitude to get some help so I could eat as much as I hungered for. Now, we don't need that assistance, but I was glad I accepted it when we needed it.
 

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Hugs to you.I'm in the same boat. I would like to do some work, but it's cancelled out by childcare costs, and my partner, like kjbrown's, works a rotating shift. It's very frustrating. I'm trying to do stuff from home but I don't get enough time to do it, and I'm getting a little tired of having to ask DP for money and having none of my own.
 
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