[Kelilah]

<p>I miscarried right at this time last year, the week before Thanksgiving.  We started trying for another baby right away, but I didn't conceive until September.  It's been a really hard year.  My husband's mother died a week after my miscarriage last year, then he and I both lost out on work we needed so we're broke, our health insurance dropped us the same day I found out I was pregnant with this baby... there's just been a lot of hardship.  This baby is the silver lining to all of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So of course everything was going well and now I'm spotting.  It started on Saturday night, then there was some on Sunday morning and it stopped, and now it's back.  I'm drinking an infusion of wild yam with black haw and red raspberry in it, taking vitamin E, and praying.  I don't know what else to do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I called the midwife yesterday and she said we could go for an ultrasound, draw blood to make sure I've got enough progesterone and to measure the HCG over 48 hours, or just wait and see.  As we don't have health insurance, the last option seems the most prudent, but I'm freaking out.  I have a strenuous job and I've called off for today so I can rest, but that means I'm sitting here in the house stewing by myself.  My husband just went out of town for work and won't be back until Thursday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I wish I could take comfort in pregnancy symptoms but I didn't have that many to begin with; I haven't been sick or anything, just tired.  I still have tender breasts, for whatever that's worth.  My husband and the midwives heard a heartbeat on the Doppler last week (I missed it) so that was supposedly a good sign.  But here I am, spotting.  I don't know what to do or what to think.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It would be way too cruel to have me miscarry again, right here before Thanksgiving two years in a row.  I seriously do not know what I'm going to do if I have to go through all this again.  My blood tests all came back perfect, I'm super-healthy and I've done everything right and still in three years I have no baby except this one... I cannot lose this child, I just can't.  I don't know what else to do now.</p>

 

[Mamanoley]

<p>spotting can happen with something as little as going #2 causing cervical irritation, It can just be nothing!</p>
<p>I know it's so scary to deal with after a loss but the best thing to do is relax and take care of yourself. If you're low on progesterone the wild yam in what you are taking could be enough or you may meed something more. I'm using a natural progesterone cream with a moderate deficiency and I'm doing fine after three weeks of everything from brown to terrifying red blood this little baby is wiggling away in there I found the heartbeat with the doppler yesterday morning!</p>
<p>Thinking good thoughts for you mama!</p>
<p>I personally would go in whether I had insurance or not I had spotting with extreme abdominal pain this pregnancy and felt it was worth it to go to the ER and will be paying the bills out of pocket because we are without insurace...sometimes payment plans are worth peace of mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"></span></p>
<p><span>Hope everything is just fine, keep  us updated!</span></p>

 

[Kelilah]

<p>Thanks.  I forgot to say that the info I'm finding online is freaking me out further because we hadn't had sex for almost two days before the bleeding started and I haven't had any pelvic exams or anything to irritate my cervix... there just hasn't been anything up my vagina for a few days so I don't know why all this would be happening now.  I'm hoping it's just a small subchorionic hematoma that'll go away quickly on its own or something.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And yeah, I might wind up going for an ultrasound later today, maybe tomorrow.  I'm going to try to hold off and see if the bleeding goes away before I spend money we haven't got.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thank you so much for your story, that helps!</p>

 

[BarefootinBrooklyn]

<p>Oh hugs to you! I spotted with my last pregnancy too, a little on and off during the first trimester. It freaked me out every single time. One of the times it was when I knew I'd been working too hard and not giving my body the rest it needed so I took it as a sign to slow down. I hope this is the case with yours...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I also had a "chemical" lost pregnancy before I was pregnant with my daughter, and the blood test was what told us what was going on. My levels had decreased significantly so as I continued to spot I at least knew what was happening. If you can't afford the ultrasound for peace of mind, the blood test (or two, a day or two apart) would definitely be helpful to you and probably not cost as much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sending good thoughts your way!</p>

 

[Kelilah]

<p>Thank you.  I think I'm just going to take it easy today and then if it hasn't stopped tomorrow, I'll go for an ultrasound then.  Fingers crossed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>(Oh, and I'm a displaced, habitually-barefoot Southerner, too!)</p>

 

[oneluvmama]

<p>Big (((hugs))) !! I am sorry you are stressing right now. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.</p>

 

[~Nikki~]

<p>Thinking of you, and good luck with everything.  As somebody who just had a freak-out, myself, my advice is to stay calm!  As anyone will tell you, there's nothing you can really do but sit and worry...so try not to.  I know, easier said than done.  Trust me, I know!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bleeding can happen for a multitude of reasons, not just sex.  Thinking about it, I'm pretty sure that in my case, I simply had my period.  The timing is right, and this was the first pregnancy I had that followed a long stretch of being on the pill...so maybe my body was just very well trained?  Just guessing.  Point being, everyone I spoke to said that bleeding can be normal, and isn't a reason to panic this early on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Take it easy, and let us know how it goes if you end up going in for an ultrasound.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hang in there.  It's not fun, I know!</p>

 

[JosieAK]

<p>Reguarding expensive ultrasounds.  I was brainstorming this the other day.  I know for a fact that pro-life groups have bought something like 500 ultrasound machines and placed them in Christian crisis pregnancy centers aroun the country.  They are to help mothers connect with their baby in utero before making a decision about keeping the baby or not, but I wonder if an uninsured, stressed mother in your position found one and asked to just see their baby, it may not be a highly diagnostic exam, but they might be able to help you.  Just a thought.  Also, this might be terribly naive of me, but is there any possibility that a women's health and resource center, the kind that gives away flu shots and free birth control might have ultrasound technology?  Just a thought!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have no personal experiences to share, but I sure have known a lot of ladies who spot or bleed quite a bit through their first trimester with no problems.  I sure am wishing for the best for you!</p>

 

[Mamanoley]

<p>I forgot about the pregnancy resource centers!! We have TWO local ones that have nurses and ultrasound machines I wanted to take my husband there to show him the baby so maybe he'd stop being such a giant douche.</p>
<p>Anywho they use it to help girls bond and NOT choose abortion I know for a fact if you were like hmmm I just wanna see my baby they wouldn't do it here. If you went in telling them you had found out you were pregnant and it was a surprise and you had no idea how far along you were they'd most likely do it out of curiousity.</p>

 

[Kelilah]

<p>I actually thought of the pregnancy resource center a couple weeks ago when I wanted to see a heartbeat to put my mind at ease... I was just going to go in for a pregnancy test and then start talking abortion to see if they gave me an ultrasound.  But I didn't feel ethically okay with doing that, and I agree, they probably won't go to the expense and trouble in my case.  Oh well.  The spotting has lessened up a little and I'm drinking infusions of black haw and wild yam bark every hour or so, and resting as much as I can.  Hopefully that fixes it!</p>

 

[flavorgirl]

<p>sending love and prayers your way! it took me 5 years to get pregnant, and i've been really paranoid about loosing this baby. when i get freaked out i find it helpful to sit and put my hands on my belly and "talk" to my baby. telling it that i'm so glad it's growing big and healthy etc. might be too woo-woo for you, but it calms me down.</p>

 

[elisheva]

<p>My thoughts are with you and your little one, Kelilah. You are doing exactly what you should be.</p>

 

[Michaels-Mommy]

<p>HUGS!  It can be so hard not knowing and worrying.  Praying that the bleeding stops!</p>

 

[Kelilah]

<p>Thank you all so much.  It hasn't stopped yet, it's still the same pattern - heavy spots in the morning, tapering off to a faint trickle or nothing in the evening, then repeated the same way the next day.  I'm more than a little nervous.  I did call the midwife again and she told me to come by the birth center anytime today and they'll listen out with the Doppler before we spend the money on an ultrasound.  If she can hear the heartbeat with the Doppler, that'd be a load off my mind and save me a bag of money too.  If she can't find it, then I'll go for an ultrasound.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cross your fingers that the heartbeat is still there and strong!</p>

 

[~Nikki~]

<p>Thinking of you!  Let us know how it goes. =)</p>

 

[painefaria]

<p>Not that this will help right now but you qualify for medical assistance because you are pregnant here is the link about the <a href="http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/healthplan/app_benefits/main.shtml#areyou" target="_blank">plan</a>.  In my area we also have a hospital that is a not for profit and has a program to help underinsured with medical bills especially in an emergency.  Good luck.</p>

 

[Mamanoley]

<p>Kelilah I did not realize you were in Oregon, So you MAY qualify for OHP but I can tell you that if my husband and I were not seperated right now it wouldn't matter if I was pregnant or not I would not qualify, My husband makes "too much money" and the income limits are outrageously low. I would suggest applying just to see or take a look at the income limits if you can find them online. If you include proof of pregnancy in your app. and you are approved they can expedite it and have insurance in place in less than a week.</p>

 

[Knittin Mama]

<p>I think I'm in the same boat as Nikki, I started spotting almost to the day of what would have been my second missed period.  I spotted during what would have been my first missed period, but that is my norm, spot for a few days then my period starts.  This month I just had a week of spotting, couldn't pin it to sex, did worsen briefly after going #2, and I honestly believe that my body after almost 20 years of having my period is just thrown a little of whack by being pregnant and so is simply trying to figure things out.  Was I worried, absolutely! But the reality is, it is out of my hands.  So I pray, I focus on the positive, I rest, and drink tons of fluids.  It sounds like you're doing all the right things Kelilah, so hang in there Mama!  We're all pullin for ya!</p>

 

[Kelilah]

<p>Thanks, everyone.  Unfortunately, not only could we not find a heartbeat, we couldn't even find a baby.  Turns out it was a blighted ovum and I've been getting more and more pregnant with an empty gestational sac.  I feel pretty stupid, I really thought this one would work out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Almost a year ago to the day, I was at the same image lab getting the same news (well, that baby had lived for six weeks, but similar).  A week after that my husband's mother died.  Hopefully no one dies this time.  It's funny, last year my friend got an abortion a week before I found out I'd miscarried, and this year another friend's adoption fell through at the last second last week.  Patterns upon patterns.  I wonder if mid-November will be my annual miscarriage every year for awhile or if I just got lucky two years in a row.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thought I was so healthy.  Guess not.  Oh well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Good luck with your own pregnancies, ladies, I'm stepping out of here soon.  See y'all around.</p>

 

[BHappy]

<img alt="hug.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"><br><br>
I am so sorry. <img alt="greensad.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif">