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Discussion Starter #1
<p>It can't possibly help anything, anyway.</p>
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<p>A quick history - I have had two losses in the last two months.  I never thought of myself as being a very good conceiver, but I managed to conceive a third time this year and am now sitting at 4w5d.  I told myself I would only test until my test line "got dark," and have generally been waiting for them to get as dark as the control line, but this is just *not* turning out to be a healthy practice for me.  I am testing at least twice a day, people.</p>
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<p>For starters, my HPTs have really dark control lines, so this could go on for a long time.  Secondly, it's not at all scientific, and my lines are already darker than they ever got with my losses, so I should just drop it.</p>
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<p>Moreover, today I "feel" like my line was a bit lighter, but I really *don't* know for sure (because I'm just eyeballing it and there are so many variables and yesterday's test is dried, and so forth), and now I'm feeling like it's clearly over and noticing that I don't feel very nauseated and all these other obsessive thoughts.</p>
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<p>But if I think a little more clearly about it, I have no real reason to panic (apart from a general overriding feeling like there's no way this could work out given my recent track record).  Yes, I have felt nausea in waves these past 2 weeks, but they are irregular and it's still super early.  But there's nothing I can do about any of this right now but pray for the little spark to stick and extend all the welcoming feelings I can to the little one, be healthy and hopeful and...well, that's it.</p>
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<p>So, in front of anyone who bothers to read this, I'm swearing off testing.  I got my positive test(s), I need to stop.  So, yeah...I'm stopping.</p>
 

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<img alt="hug.gif" class="bbcode_smiley" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> well you know what the problem is and you have found a solution!<br><br>
i found pregnancy after a miscarriage to be rough. i'm about 9 weeks pregnant, just a week more than when i lost the last one. i ended up having to tell my parents much earlier than planned (i wanted to wait until 12 weeks!) but i told around 6 because i was having such bad nausea and i needed them to get me some vitamins/supplements by mail. (i live abroad at the moment) it was really hard, because they ended up telling other people in my family and i woke up to a facebook "congratulations" by a cousin of mine. i was sobbing and so angry, because all i could think of was "i just lost my second pregnancy, what if i lose a third? now i have to inform all of these random family members?" i'm normally very very stoic and private about my emotions, so this surge of emotions was kind of new to me. i've taken this long to say, pregnancy after a loss is tough...be kind to yourself, distract yourself as much as possible!<br><br>
since you have had two losses in a row, have you seen your midwife or OB to do any kind of early testing? like hcg levels or early ultrasound? i ended up agreeing to an early ultrasound which made me feel so much better. not perfect, but it calmed me down a lot.
 

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<p>FWIW I have moments still at 8w pregnant where I want to go to the $tree and get a box of tests to take. I think there is something super addictive about POAS ~ especially when we are all trying to conceive and so terrified of losing our pregnancies. The truth is ~ the first few weeks are so scary because there are so few symptoms and the only thing we have to cling to are the positive tests to confirm what is going on with our bodies.</p>
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<p>What I am finding most helpful in early pregnancy after loss is to give myself milestones to get to and focus on. Like I first focused on getting passed my loss milestones w/o bleeding ~ then I focused on the getting to the first u/s ~ then I am now focused on the exam next Tuesday Nov 30 where I will hopefully get to hear the heartbeat and get another little reassurance (besides my growing gut) that there is a sticky bean in there. Then it will be my u/s in December and so on. Cling to the milestones and count the days.</p>
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<p>For me this first trimester is DRAGGING out so slowly. It didn't help that my u/s dated a week younger than the "formula" date so it threw me back a week on my milestones...LOL! Hang in there...I think that the ICs create POAS monsters of us all!</p>
 

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<p>I couldn't get the possibly ever-so-slightly-fainter test from this morning out of my mind, so I did end up taking one more in the late afternoon today.  It was satisfactorily dark, so now I really *am* done testing.  (As an aside, it's interesting to note that I definitely do not have the best results with FMU.)  I also went back and looked at my old charts, specifically when I was pregnant with my son, and I didn't mark down *any* nausea until 28 dpo, so that is also encouraging.  I do definitely have less nausea today than I have had in past days, but it's just one day and I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing at all.  I hope.  Ha.  With my son, I definitely felt fine before 6w, except for a few days of breast tingliness, which I'm not really expecting this time around because I am nursing, so it's a whole new ballgame there.</p>
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<p>I'm past milestone #1, which was 4w3d.  Milestone #2 will be Tuesday/Wednesday, or 5w/5w1d (negative test/bleeding started last time).  It's coming up!  I actually do feel really good about that, at least.  Like, I can see myself getting to Wednesday unscathed.  I cannot imagine getting to 6 weeks, though.  I'm so "used" to not!  </p>
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<p>I cannot believe I am praying for nausea.</p>
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<p>But anyway, yes - NO MORE TESTING FOR ME.</p>
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<p>I still haven't told anyone in real life.  Anyone.  I just can't...</p>
 

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<p> but don't be hard on yourself if you do test again. we've all been there! <span><img alt="smile.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/smile.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>Oh man, I could have written this post...actually before I got my BFP I bought 50 strips on ebay...just because I felt like I was going to be in this TTC, loss, TTC again cycle forever so I might as well have a ton of tests.  Took the first one and it was oh-so-positive...but I think I've been taking 2 a day since...also had my HCG done which was 1000 at 18 DPO so shouldn't that be enough for me...with the last two losses that was never above 300?  I realized last night that it is comforting seeing those two lines...it is the only reassurance that I have that today, in this moment, I am pregnant.  And in the end that is all I have...this is my 6th pregnancy...first two were totally uneventful and normal, lost our third at 16 weeks and then two more early losees, and this would be the 4th loss this year...so I'm hoping for only three losses this year and one healthy baby in late July...some more nausea would be nice just to remind me that this is going to work.</p>
 
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