[henhao]

DH, DD and I took a walk in the park a week ago. DH and DD were looking at the water and birds and I lay down on a bench to get some rest. (This is what motherhood has brought me to LOL!)

Anyway, I heard a mom yelling at her kids "HOLD MY HAND!" "DON'T DO THAT!" And basically hollering at them about various things.

Then she saw DD and her voice completely changed and became sweet and syrupy, She asked how old the baby is and all the other questions people ask about new babies.

But she had, one min earlier, been yelling at her own children! I'm not saying I'll never lose my temper and yell -- I'm nowhere near perfect -- but too often I hear parents yelling at their kids in public. Hearing parents yell at their kids happens enough that I wonder how many of them talk to their kids like that a lot of the time.

It just shocks me that she'd be so nice to a stranger baby and not to her own children.

Ugh.

 

[mrsfatty]

all i can say is, "ditto."

 

[mamabeca]

yeah, people are weird. I've seen it too. I've also seen that sometimes mamas just need a distraction (not unlike their naughty children) and they can change their mood a bit by "faking" it until they do feel more tolerant. You def. saw her at a bad moment. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that MOSTLY she is a good mama... just as I would assume that you were MOSTLY an upbeat, energetic mama who just needed a rest, kwim?

for seeing someone's bad moment. Not fun.

 

[ladybugchild77]

I have seen parents do this and wonder as well why they even had children

...And then I realize I too have my bad days and get frustrated (not yelling frustrated or anything but just frazzled and wanting a break...) Like the pp said lets hope she is a great Mommy and was just having a bad day...

 

[hopefulfaith]

I always wonder - if people aren't very nice to their kids in public, how do they act in the privacy of their homes?

 

[nikirj]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hopefulfaith I always wonder - if people aren't very nice to their kids in public, how do they act in the privacy of their homes?

I hear this arguement all the time.

Really? I'm way less patient out in public. I'm so on-edge when I'm in public, so much more relaxed at home. It is just how I am. Don't assume that people show their best in public; I think people usually see my WORST in public.

 

[hopefulfaith]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikirj I'm way less patient out in public. I'm so on-edge when I'm in public, so much more relaxed at home. It is just how I am. Don't assume that people show their best in public; I think people usually see my WORST in public.

You know, you're right. I guess I hadn't thought about it that way.

 

[Leilalu]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikirj I hear this arguement all the time. Really? I'm way less patient out in public. I'm so on-edge when I'm in public, so much more relaxed at home. It is just how I am. Don't assume that people show their best in public; I think people usually see my WORST in public.

Yep, way harder to be attentive to everyones needs and keep them SAFE when out and about.

 

[fromscatteredtribe]

my four kids by a big pond in a public place and you bet I would be "forced" to use my less pretty voice when saying hold my hand. i would probably have said it 50 times in a nicer voice and tried chasing after them with a baby in a sling before you even saw me. of course, I might talk to you about your baby, and would be "nicer" toward your baby if my kids were driving me a little batty at the time....i am stretched the most thin in public and most likely to "snap" and no one notices my patient days.

i have a dear friend who was as patient as a saint at a cafe with her three (8,5,2) even when teh 8yo was teasing the 5yo blatantly and kicking at the toddler and being the worst of his worst....she "endured" it for the entire time they were eating, using the best forms of communication, gently and compassionately. then, he defied her one more time (the fiftieth this hour, right) and her tone changed (still not as bad as some tones you see) and some stranger without children came up and said "I know it's hard with kids, but you need some anger management." how rude. where was the stranger to praise her when she was especially patient and gracious????

just another perspective from a frequently frazzled mom of four

 

[Village Mama]

Ditto the safety issues. Being out in public is a reall pain right now . I have an exploritory 2 year old running one way and an independant 4 year old running the other way... my voice gets raised once in a while.

I dont drive either so sometimes being out in torrential rain and being a kilometer away from home can make me impatient and grumpy.... " come ON!!!! Lets GOOOOO!" aRRGGGG!" You may very well be that mother some day... dont judge yourself too hard when it happens. Even the best of us have our moments.

 

[chiro_kristin]

A similar situation happened to me yesterday in the grocery store parking lot. It did appear to me that the child wasn't doing anything "wrong," though. I guess his getting into the car and putting his seatbelt on (he looked about 4, so it's not like he'd be speedy) wasn't fast enough for her. When he said, "I am, Mommy," she told him to not talk back to her. Then she saw me with my ds in the Moby putting groceries into the trunk and was all "awww" from about 100 feet away.

I know I will unfortunately be impatient with my kids and not talk to them in a loving way, but I think a lot of mamas use this tone all the time (probably not most of us on here bc we're AP and we think about these kinds of things!). Some of my relatives are like this. I have never heard my dh's cousin talk kindly to her son. Ever.

 

[wendy1221]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikirj I hear this arguement all the time. Really? I'm way less patient out in public. I'm so on-edge when I'm in public, so much more relaxed at home. It is just how I am. Don't assume that people show their best in public; I think people usually see my WORST in public.

Yep, me, too. I often yell at my kids in public and give them orders. I'm not like that at home at all. It's worse now b/c I'm busy w/ the baby and my older 2 will go crazy and run off if I'm not constantly reminding them to stay with me (don't touch that! Don't go over there! Hold my hand! Hold his hand! etc.)

I've actually been avoiding going anywhere with them because I hate talking to them like this. But being "mean" is the only voice they'll listen to when they're overstimulated w/ new things. I think first time moms and women w/ no or only one child are the hardest on us moms w/ more than 1. Maybe someday you'll understand. I know sometimes I feel bad for beng so judgmental towards people who were acting just like I do now. lol However, I et very angry when I see someone spank their kid or ignore a crying baby/child. that makes me mad and sad.

 

[Alkenny]

I think we all have our "bad" mommy moments, in public with more than one little one can be REALLY trying too (I can get frustrated with my ONE little guy, I can't even recall how I did it with the two older ones when they were little...maybe that's why, it's all a daze...I blocked it out

)

 

[CABsMommy]

i only have one and he's not old enough to walk or anything yet but i did have little sisters and i had to use my mean voice in public to. i felt bad but at the same time i had to think about their safetyl. i'm a first time mom but i wouldn't judge mom's with multiple children who have to yell sometimes. i totally understand that it's tough!

 

[heldt123]

Quote:

Originally Posted by nikirj Really? I'm way less patient out in public. I'm so on-edge when I'm in public, so much more relaxed at home. It is just how I am. Don't assume that people show their best in public; I think people usually see my WORST in public.

Yeah, same here. And I think that it is difficult for the kids too, because the boundaries change and there are different stresses, so they act differently. For instance, my 3yo has known the boundaries of our yard since he could walk, but you go other places and it gets confusing. It's hard sometimes to put yourself in their shoes and not just expect that they know what to do or actually want to do it. But part of parenting is expecting that you and your children will both make mistakes.

Some kids actually sort of "block out" thier parents voices or get so tuned into what they are doing that they don't hear you. Sometimes if we are going somewhere, I have to raise my voice (not necessarily yelling or angry) to get him to even look at me. Like "watch for cars" or "Nathan, this way." He has a habit of looking one way and walking another, so sometimes I have to remind him to watch where he's walking so he doesn't run into people or walls!

Don't worry, you'll do fine!

 

[RedWine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by fromscatteredtribe my four kids by a big pond in a public place and you bet I would be "forced" to use my less pretty voice when saying hold my hand. i would probably have said it 50 times in a nicer voice and tried chasing after them with a baby in a sling before you even saw me. of course, I might talk to you about your baby, and would be "nicer" toward your baby if my kids were driving me a little batty at the time....i am stretched the most thin in public and most likely to "snap" and no one notices my patient days. i have a dear friend who was as patient as a saint at a cafe with her three (8,5,2) even when teh 8yo was teasing the 5yo blatantly and kicking at the toddler and being the worst of his worst....she "endured" it for the entire time they were eating, using the best forms of communication, gently and compassionately. then, he defied her one more time (the fiftieth this hour, right) and her tone changed (still not as bad as some tones you see) and some stranger without children came up and said "I know it's hard with kids, but you need some anger management." how rude. where was the stranger to praise her when she was especially patient and gracious???? just another perspective from a frequently frazzled mom of four

Thanks for posting this.

 

[henhao]

Thanks! You second timers gave me something to think about.

Sigh. I dread the day I use my "mean" voice with my little bean though

.

 

[Alana]

Quote:

Originally Posted by henhao Thanks! You second timers gave me something to think about. Sigh. I dread the day I use my "mean" voice with my little bean though .

It happens. We have had outings when all of a sudden it dawns on my that i sound like a drill sargeant. I think babies are such a distraction at that moment, because looking back having a sweet little baby was SO much easier than 3 little tornadoes that run off in 3 different directions, climb under clothes racks, and tackle their 20mo sister in the aisle of the store, only for her to whack her little head on the very hard floor.

That was the 3.5yo, the 5yo was missing at that moment.

At home we are way more relaxed and everyone knows what is expected....in public when they get bored and mom's head is spinning, its a different story. (most outings are very fun, and we have a nice time, but then there are THOSE outings.....)

 

[fromscatteredtribe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedWine Thanks for posting this.

you're welcome

and, by the way, I never thought i would use the mean voice, and didn't either with one or even two (until much much later on

) i hope you get to wait a while since your dd is only a few months old

 

[hopefulfaith]

Quote:

Originally Posted by henhao Thanks! You second timers gave me something to think about. Sigh. I dread the day I use my "mean" voice with my little bean though .

Ditto that.