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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Here's a story of overreaction and paying the price.... Anyone else ever been there?<br><br>
Last night we went out to dinner- because it was 85 degrees inside our house and dh was getting on a plane soon to go out of town for 2.5 weeks.<br><br>
I had recently been keeping up on a thread about how kids should behave at restaurants. As a result I felt like everyone in the restaurant had nothing better to do than judge my parenting... I'm sure others know the feeling.<br><br>
So we go to sit down and dd is upset that we're not getting take-out. We've only gotten take out from this place recently, so she was confused and needed a moment to process the transition (ie cry and be comforted.)<br><br>
So I pick her up, in a manner not terribly respectful, and haul her out into the courtyard where no one will have their precious dinner ruined by her 2 seconds of whining about the change. Of course she starts hysterically screaming because of having been picked up and dragged and we have to sit for several minutes while she composes herself enough to go back in.<br><br>
Once we get inside, she wants to sit on my lap for half the meal cuz she's so upset. (I'm PG enough that my lap space is limited and dd is heavy.) And later in the meal dd looks us in the eye and walks away from the table to go sit ON THE FLOOR in the middle of the restaurant!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
Arg. So now I have to go through the "good parent" routine of picking her up and getting her back to our table. I overhear people talking about her behavior- she's almost three and this is not really normal. I wanted to say to them "she's acting this way because I was more concerned about your dinner experience than her feelings- let me deal with this and we'll all have a better time."<br><br>
She repeated the sitting on the floor thing THREE TIMES! Talk about payback! And later when we got home she started trying to go out the front gate naked- something she knows she's not allowed to do- over and over.<br><br>
Dd is one of those sensitive/spirited kids and I KNOW the best way to get her to listen is to say things gently and respectfully. WHY, oh WHY do I get worked up over what I imagine other people are thinking?<br><br>
Anyway- thought I'd share. I suppose a lot of us have nights like this. I guess at least nowadays I can actually figure out what went wrong. A year ago I would have had no idea.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
BTW-<br><br>
When asked why she was sitting on the floor, she said "I need a time-out," <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I didn't think that l;evel of passive-agression was possible before three. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I can just see Nadia doing that. :LOL<br>
It's funny how I take the kids places all the time and rarely have these issues but when we all go out at a family, Dimitrius is always struggling to get them to behave. And that's it! It's because he's so focused on what other people must be thinking.
 

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Yup. Don't know if you recall my less-than-stellar performance on a playground last month...had an audience there, too. It happens. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> At least we can figure out where we went wrong. And for me, and you it seems, it's pretty validating that we're on the right track with GD. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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ugh! I hate that. I have nothing but empathy for you. I know (and hate) that feeling of wanting to perceived as a 'good' mom and that being a good mom means DOING something. I struggle with that line of not wanting to impose unpleasantness on the general public and not wanting to go overboard with the parenting. It is such a hard balance some days.<br><br>
I don't think you screwed up. I think you had a moment of being very human.
 

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The people saying it's not normal, must not be parents. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> It sounds normal to me. Of course, I'm not saying it's OK when our kids do things like that, but I definitely don't think that's ABnormal behavior for a 2-3 year old. We have had the same types of situations with our daughter, especially when we have gotten frustrated and not dealt with the situation as well as we should have. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like you are trying to do the best you can!<br><br>
Kate
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks all for the kind thoughts.<br><br>
I know it's no big deal in the greater scheme of things but I just feel like such a dummy when I do stuff like that.<br><br>
Anyway- now dh is gone for two weeks and the truly bad parenting can begin. Dd gets angry and lonely and decides to take it out on me. I honestly cannot beleive the way I've acted TWICE today.<br><br>
Oh well, I think it takes a while for us to get the in "just us girls" groove.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I have been falling into the SAME stupid <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> trap lately and only recently the pattern has dawned on me. It's my fault. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
Anyway, would this help?<br><br><a href="http://www.turnthepage.com/articles.php?pid=301" target="_blank">Conflict Resolution by Bev Bos</a><br><br>
I need to print it and read it every day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> adore my co-op preschool because the teachers do use those techniques very effectively. They are wonderful. I just wish I didn't snap as much as I do lately.<br><br>
I do think you and your daughter are normal. You (all of us) are all still learning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 
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