[Proudly AP]

my eldest is nearly 5. she only nurses at bedtime (my limtation, our agreement)

i am beginnig to resent nursing her, and she mostly complains that she doesn't get any milk. i am tandem nursing my nearly 2 year-old, as well. he ends up getting the bulk of the milk because he still nurses at-will when i am home (i work oth).

i feel like she will never self-wean. i know on some level that she still needs to nurse (for closeness, to satisfy her sensory needs), but i am starting to really feel burned out and i am not sure what to do about it. i need to be gentle with her, but some nights i am quite impatient. she nurses for a certain duration each night.

tia

 

[EastonsMom]

DS is only 16 monthes so this is just WIWD. Since she is down to one nurse a day, could you cut down to everyother night for a while and then wean her gradually from that? Just an idea. Good luck mama, it is hard, physically and emotionally for you both. Hugs to you both during this difficult time.

 

[Mama2ABCD]

your dd is so lucky to have a mom like you! keep trusting your dd. she will wean when she is ready.

if your burned out continues, try looking at yourself and make sure you aren't being to hard. are you getting enough rest? have some extra things to get done without the time to do it? even AF?

you might be ready for her to move on and, therefore, spend your time with her in other ways. she'll be ready for that soon, she just needs nursing for just a bit longer.

 

[Pam_and_Abigail]

I am with you, but my oldest nursling is just a month away from her fourth birthday. I think it's fair to say that tandem nursing leads to earlier burnout in some case, my younger dd is 18 months, and I have moments where I want to wean them both, cold turkey.

I agree with Eastonsmom, that is what I have done. When I suggested every-other-day to dd1, even that was too much for her, so with her help we picked out one "skip" day, then two "skip" days per week, when we go the whole day with no milkies. After a month or two of that, we got to every other day, and I think the next step might be to pick two days a week to nurse, then one...
We've also set her birthday (a month away) as a weaning date. I asked her when she thoguht she'd be ready and that was her answer. I won't hold her to it, but I will bring it up at that time. This allows me to break up the rest of my nursing time with her into chunks. I can't keep going indefinitely, but another month, maybe I can do. It's easier when the end it in sight.

This is after a scheduled weaning in June that she planned in March and stuck to, but then wanted to unwean after about 3 or 4 weks. I wish I hadn't agreed to the unweaning, and I find our relationship is much better when I don't feel obligated to nurse her, but I also want to fill her need to nurse.

hth!

 

[mommy65]

this is a hard one-- you're doing great. five years is a long time, even if you're very commited. have you tried nursing only for ten seconds (or three or twenty, whatever you decide) shortening the sessions might help her move on and help you resent it less. It could also be for the duration of a song that you sing, if that works better. i mentioned in an earlier post that i made a simple book with stick figures of a boy who was "ready to wean" and ds loved reading it way before he actually agreed to wean for real. this is just for what it's worth. keep in mind my grand weaning experience is only a week old so far so he may change his mind in several weeks. i was really ready to only be nursing the littlest one in the house though, so i will not go back unless something really bizarre hgappens. good luck to you--- what you're doing is so amazing.

 

[Proudly AP]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy65 It could also be for the duration of a song that you sing, if that works better.

actually, that is what i do. i have a good-night song i made up years ago, and that is what i sing. (some nights the tempo is faster than others

depending on my tolerance).

she said she'd wean when she turned 4, but couldn't give it up. she really would like to nurse more often and longer than she does, i know this. but, i am not sure how much of that might be insecurity that her little brother still gets to nurse whenever he wants. i can imagine that's hard for her.

i have The Best Gifts, which is a lovely story. Sara, the little girl doesn't nurse any more at 5 (she falls asleep to a story and cuddles with parent(s). i pointed that out to her, that sara was done at 5, and still had books and cuddles with her parents-explicitly explaining that even when she didn't nurse i would still read stories, sing our goodnight song and cuddle.

she did then say she would be done nursing at 5, but then again, she also said she wanted to nurse forever. LOL

 

[Adasmommy]

At that age, maybe she would have fun planning a weaning party for when she weans. Mine is only 2, but I love the idea of a weaning party as a celebration of growing up and becoming independant. Of course, it would have to be separate from her birthday since she already knows she's getting that one!

Good luck, I really admire you!

 

[Meiri]

I remember when DS was 4 feeling some resentments on the occasions when he awoke in the night and needed to nurse. What I noticed though was that when I was able to take a few deep breaths (more some nights than others) and ride out his needs patiently, that he started asking less frequently. When he felt that his access was threatened, he got anxious about it and asked more frequently.

I noticed with DD too, that she was tapering down until there was a threat to her continuing, at which point, she started nursing more often before finally tapering down again.

We did the counting up and back down to limit nursing times too. That helped.

 

[croleRN]

Well, I have several thoughts on the subject...
1. DD is 3yr and nurses almost only when we are cosleeping. I consider myself very successful - considering my goal was 1yr; the longest any of my friends/family have nursed is 2-3 yrs. However - I have posted here before - about having times of resentment. DD is a total boob-addict! She has been since day one. (Never one of those kids who "popped off when done.") I know for a fact (b/c I've done experiments) - that if I never said "not now" she would nurse almost all day. She tells me how much she "loves mimees." This being said - I want her to have the closeness and emotional need filled. I also know I'm sick of being pawed & climbed like a jungle gym at night. A knee in the abdomen - ALWAYS wakes you up!!!
2. My job - is as a IBCLC in a hospital-based birth center. Whenever I talk to families about "How long is a good length of time to keep nursing?" I alsways give the AAP & WHO recommendations.But I guess what is in my mind is...may continue for as long as mother and child find it mutally desirable. SO, a big part of me really thinks that if CLW ever gets to the point that the mother resents it more than enjoys it - then it is time to start the weaning process. Now by all means - I trully believe every child deserves to nurse throughout AT LEAST the 1st 2yrs....but I believe that the mother/child relationship should be guarded at all costs. And if that means that nursing is not making that relationship closer - then wean.

Does this sound completely ridiculous? I totally still enjoy nursing - more than resent it (even with the morning bruises!

)

 

[cjuniverse]

Makes sense to me, crole.

OP, I second other suggestions here on starting an every-other-day type of arrangement with your child. Gently and respectfully, of course.

They will wean. They all do! If it's too much, then start the process yourself. Feel no guilt! Five years is fantastic!

 

[whoamama]

I will always count, 1,2,3, ok that's enough. I love the idea of a weaning party, or what about a special gift? My kids, 3 are long weaned, the 3.5 yr old is a fiend, all nursed pretty much as long as they wanted to, but of course we do limit them naturally as they get older. The youngest is not slowing down much, she may nurse the longest. The others were 3.5, 4 and 4. I tandemed twice, and it really is much harder to nurse the older one in that situation than when it is only one older child.

 

[callmemama]

Ok, I am going against the flow here and not offering weaning techniques, because your subject line does say you really want to practice CLW ... and this is the CLW forum!

All I can offer is encouragement and my experience (note I wasn't tandem nursing). My ds was nursing only at bedtime as he approached his fifth birthday. Shortly after turning 5, he began skipping days, and then weeks, between nursing sessions. All on his own. Every now and then, he'd nurse several nights in a row, then go back to a week in between. It was almost as if he needed reassurance that he could still nurse if he wanted to (and I wasn't putting any limits on him). So maybe your dd is feeling the need "more" since she has limits? Just a thought...

 

[hypatia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Adasmommy At that age, maybe she would have fun planning a weaning party for when she weans. Mine is only 2, but I love the idea of a weaning party as a celebration of growing up and becoming independant.

The idea of a weaning party bothers me. It seems coercive to me. We're giving you this party (bribe) but now you better not nurse anymore. The name "weaning party" makes it sound like a celebration of a natural process she is going through, but it's not. It's a heavy-handed way of telling her that she naturally SHOULD be feeling like weaning, whether she wants to or not.

I would feel more honest talking to her about backing off on nursing being something that I needed, and discussing together with her what to do about it.

 

[Proudly AP]

thanks, all.

i love the idea of letting her wean when she is emotionally ready, and feel like that is what i *should* do. it is really hard some nights, when i feel touched out and okay on others.

at the moment, i am not making any changes to our routine. support and encouragement do help.

i know she is really lucky to have been nursed for nearly 5 years. i know she is upset at the thought of not nursing again. i know at some point, she will make a choice to stop.

i have to figure out how much longer *i* am comfortable with and go from there.