I Take Kids Seriously and for that I am an undisciplined Momma?

We have a friend who keeps suggesting that we're too soft with kids, got them spoiled...etc. We should do what we "should" do, "they'll cry for a day and that's it". I really don't like those comments. Life is not perfect, though. We're not about to end our friendship over that, but try to hold our grounds and influence them our way. Your friend's son might be a calm person to start with and she just assume that's the way kids are. Just like those people who don't have children assume that well-behaved children should be quiet and obedient. (I did before I had kids.) Now that I have happy bouncey boys I feel quiet kids might be too boring for me.

Just tell your friend you have kids with different personalities, and you have different parenting styles, there's nothing wrong with that. Don't pick on her about her parenting style, though. This is not really a right and wrong thing.

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I have memories of my mom making me run up and down the hallway over and over while she timed me with a watch holding a cookspoon in the other hand. If I slowed down or stopped I got a whack with the spoon. She did this because I was too slow in doing things she asked me to do and she was teaching me to be faster.

Michelle, I think you should just tell her that you parent one way and she another. She should respect that. I'd also tell her to not make negative comments about your children in front of them.

The house down the street is for sale. Wanna be my neighbor?

I think this is one of those YMMV situations.
I AP harcore, but I also expect a lot out of my children. Well...pretty much just Sid right now since Lily is too young. I love for Sid to explore, interact and have a great time. However I also don't allow him to use indoor spaces like a jungle gym, work hard to insure he's not running in the way of people (for his and their safety) and insure proper manners.
Doing these things lead to all of us having a better time. I also means people are very glad to see us coming and welcome him in to do things they wouldn't allow other kids to do (like going behind counters in shops etc.). So it benefits him in a big way, as well as the rest of us.
It means a lot of work, but I believe it's worth it. I don't consider it stifiling him...quite the opposite. He gets more opportunities due to knowing how to fit in socially. And when he can behave well socially, it allows him more freedom of expression. That's how it works for me. Yes I have a mowhawk, piercings, etc.; but my manners can take me anywhere.

~Daednu

yes, exactly MamaDaednu...... my dc were being polite and well behaved. They were acting curious. And people were showing them things and allowing them to do stuff, see stuff. It was like she did not like that they were being treated with respect. "like an adult"- "Like kids should be treated like kids" ie.... littlt PITA without rights or respect.

Kleine Hexe, Yes I want to live down the street from you!!!!!! And, I do not comment on her parenting style so why does she comment on mine?

Mamajama..... that is what I was thinking also. I thought maybe I won't go anywhere with her, just play outside in our backyards, etc..... because she does not like my dc influence but then while I was out.....she told my dh that she wanted him to tell me to make sure we save a spot for her son at any summer activities, daycamps, story times, ect so he can go with us?? So, which one lady, do you want to hang with us or not??

I am glad I did not get offended and get into a pissing match with her. I just am confused. I want the kids to have friends to play with, I just can not find any Mammas to get along with!

"Mamajama.... that is what I was thinking also. I thought maybe I won't go anywhere with her, just play outside in our backyards, etc..... because she does not like my dc influence but then while I was out.....she told my dh that she wanted him to tell me to make sure we save a spot for her son at any summer activities, daycamps, story times, ect so he can go with us?? So, which one lady, do you want to hang with us or not??"

From My own personal experience I would suspect the save a spot has not much to do with hanging around you but making sure that they have a 'spot.' You are just a means to that end.

I am sure to get fried for that so its ok but I have btdt and I am known for being cynical...

I would take a break for awhile and see how it goes

And I wonder too if you don't comment on her parenting why on Earth is she commenting on yours???

Can you do like a lot of the mamas here suggest on things that works really good??

Make lists of the pros and cons of staying friends and ending it?

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Really, that question is for you to answer. Do you want to hang out with them or not. Feel empowered in this decision.
It's a delicate balance finding people that you get along with, that also get along with your kids, all your kids get along, and your parenting styles match up perfectly. I don't know how common that would be. What I do is kind of categorize people, I suppose.
As I said before, one of my best friends has a son. We hang out in certain places with our kids. She and I hang out pretty much any time either of us is without our kids. I would not think to call her to accompany us out for dinner etc. with her son. I love them to bits, but we would not have fun.
Then there are the moms who I am not necessarily friends with, but our kids get along really well. Birthday party/ playgroup moms---kind of like co-workers.
Then there are the childless friends who love kids. They can come out with us for dinner.
I think it can work if, in your mind, you categorize her. And adapt your relationship to suit. You make the calls. If you don't want to save a spot for her son, then don't. No biggie. Just let her know that you've signed your kids up for whatever and she's welcome to do the same (if that's what you choose, of course). If she wants to run errands with you so you can all spend time together, try suggesting that you get your errands done and then meet in the park with coffees and snacks. I think that people understand, if you say it's just to difficult juggling your own kids' needs with the needs of their family all at the same time. I mean that's almost impossible.
If you want to talk to her about it, I suggest saying that you've noticed that the two of you have different priorities when it comes to discipline etc. and it's too confusing to try to reconcile conflicting opinions on the spot. I'm sure she's noticed (esp. if you rolled your eyes at her ) Offer a suggestion about what you think would help the situation (ie. meeting in places where discipline is rarely needed) and ask her if she has any ideas of how to make it work.