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Wow, that does sound like a rough situation. And I agree, having two makes splitting attention a little trickier.

One thing that even Dr. Sears talks about is helping a baby become a little more independent as they get older - i.e. not every "fuss" is a cry. Not everything must be dropped. Is your son fussing or really screaming and crying? If he is really screaming (as in, sounds the same as when he's in pain), I agree about looking into other diagnoses or issues. That sounds somewhat unusual?

Quote:
Imagine your seven-month-old baby playing at your feet and you're on the phone. Baby starts to fuss and give pick-me-up gestures. Instead of dropping the phone and anxiously scooping up fussing baby, put on your happy face, caringly acknowledge baby and make voice contact, "It's okay, Molly…" In this way, your body language is reflecting, "No problem, baby; no need to fuss." Another favorite phrase in the Caribbean is "don't worry, be happy." By your body language, convey to your baby - be happy, not fussy.
At one year old, his needs don't necessarily have to come before his big brother's, unless they're super-important (i.e. starving, hurt, or crazy-tired baby). My almost one-year-old understands the phrase "just a minute" as meaning that his need will be met shortly, but not right away. Because sometimes, one child's needs are more pressing than the other's.

I agree with PP who suggest encouraging time with other parent or grandparents. Are you also sending signals of confidence in those other trusted adults? Having a trusting, good relationship with the other parent is very important, I feel. That parent will develop care strategies which may differ from yours, but no less important.

I would bite the bullet, as it were, and take your older son out for a hot chocolate and be gone for about an hour. It sounds like your eldest needs his "love cup" refilled from his mama, and the baby certainly won't fall to pieces being alone with dad for an hour.
 
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