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Oh Mama!! You are having such a struggle! I'm SURE you prly don't have much time for extra reading, but some of what you wrote reminded me of case-studies in a book called "Raising a Secure Child" which discusses Attachment Parenting on varying degrees of security. So, one of the things the book delves into is the idea that you can have a firm attachment with your child, but it may be an INSECURE one. This is evidenced by baby's reaction to brief separation (moments) and reunion. What you described sounded like something staight out of the book. The book is about Emotional Availability (which is what it sounds like you're feeling like you're not fully able to provide, lately, right?)

Maybe, like a pp said, T is aware of that sense that you're not able to fully engage him without worrying, etc, and your tesion is ambient. He's picking up on it. Also, at almost a year, he's learning that a good ear-piercing scream gets fast results. I know that right now, in this sleep-deprived time of anxiety, days must feel like weeks... but maybe by changing a couple of things, and sticking with it for a solid 3-4 weeks, u will begin to see over-all improvement.

1) check T's diet, and yours... if he's still nursing a lot, AND eating solids, a dietary allergy may be messing with his moods.

2) I know some mos on this board don't dig it, but the No-Cry Sleep Method did wonders for my SIL, and for us... you don't have to quit co-sleeping. However, for my other SIL, quitting co-sleeping is exactly what got her EXTREMELY fussy one to sleep better at night, and start taking naps. The no-naps-crying-jags-unconsoleably-frustrated-baby sound a lot like over-tiredness... do you think he could be over-tired? A lot of babes his age still need two naps a day, plus long night-rest.

3)Make the most of floor-time and togetherness with BOTH boys, and with Dad, too, whenever possible. Do u have a tent or tunnel, or other indoor play structure for gross motor? Make a fort out of chairs and sheets and encourage both boys to follow-the-leader. A new product out is the Aqua Doodle floor mat. Great for both ages and development levels... Brainstorm, make a list of other activities both of them can do together with you, and with you at a peripheral level, too.

Make a list of these things and/or others that may be affecting your family. Start by picking 1 thing you know you can focus on, be it diet, sleep, or bonding-play. Work at it. But just work at that ONE thing, for the time-being... After you feel you've made a change that works for all of you, and have incorporated the change into your routine, cross it off the list and move to the next thing.

These are just ideas from a VERY sympathetic mom. Situations like yours and the deep desire to help are my inspiration; trying to complete my Family Counseling Degree...

Good luck.. PM me if you wanna talk more...
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