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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Well, I haven't really posted here much, on this particulat forum, but I post a little on MDC...I admit, I am guilty of lurking!LOL...<br><br>
Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest and maybe get a little support. Last night was the last straw for me and dh. We've barely been married a year, and have been unable to have children, I have endo and pcos and can't have kids... Aside from that , this have been basically a downward spiral since day one.<br><br>
Where do I start...he's liar, untrustworthy, lazy, inconsiderate, chauvanistic, hurtful, uninvolved, self absorbed, greedy, immature, and unrealistic. Does that sum it all up? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:<br><br>
Basically, the has lied about so many things, and I have caught him with some girls phone number before. About 8 months ago. Anyway...in the last year, I have dealt with lots of female health problems, and been to the doctor a ridiculous amount of times, and he doesn't even want me to talk about it and says he's not interested in it.<br><br>
Then a few months back he started coming home late from work. He gets off at 4 pm...and would sometimes not come home until 8 or 9 pm!!!! He would stink of beer...and then would claim he sat talking with his friend from work and had "1 or 2 drinks"..not acceptable and not even believable.<br><br>
Well, the we got some new neighbors. They are good people, the wife is nice, and the kids are sweet. The husband? Drinks like a fish. I was a little wary. For the last month, I haven't even spent time or barely seen my dh. Every day after work, he either comes home late, without calling or answering his cell phone, or when he comes home he goes to the neighbors and drinks.<br><br>
Then the weekend comes, and he and the neighbor go hunting and drinking...or leave for a few hours and *mysteriously* come back drunk and stinking of cigarettes~~YUCK~~<br><br>
Well, I almost left 2 weeks ago. He nearly never ever had a drink until a few months ago, I think he misses being sigle and bar hopping, I didn't live that way but he did. Anyway, last night, we were eating at the neighbors and they said they were going 3 blocks to the corner store for a 6 pack of beer....fine, hurry up...2 hours go by, so we go looking for them. This is not a large town, and I grew up here and know everyone practically.<br><br>
I cried....we found them at the strip bar! We didn't go in, but they were there. Then they came home so drunk they reaked, and could barely walk. I was just sick. I told him if he EVER went to a place like that it was just as good as cheating IMO. I asked where he was and it took about 20 minutes to get him to tell me, and then he acted like it was no big deal. I told him I was leaving and made him sleep on the couch. He came home at 4 am.<br><br>
Anyway, there are other things. We get rough weather here, and my truck has no AC, no heat, the clutch is going out, the windsheild is cracked and leaks, the back window is proken...on and on...And we make good money, but he said I couldn't get another car because he didn't want to pay for it.<br><br>
So after driving with a 2wd truck in the snow, and then living in 100 degree weather with no ac...and being stranded because of my clutch....I finally decided that I was gonna get a car, and had to go get one ON MY OWN. Then he had the nerve to tell me to take it back to the dealership..it's not brand new, or super fancy, but a decent car that will get me by.<br><br>
Anyway, I'm sorry to sound whiny and just be rambling...but I am so let down that our marriage has come to this. We don't talk or speak, he is so inconsiderate of me and my feelings. He even made us get separate checking accounts and split te bills so he could have "his" money and I could have mine. I just can't take it anymore, and I don't even feel like I like him as a person even. I feel sorry for him, but not enough to stay. I just hate the thought of leaving my first marriage after only a year. I feel like a failure, and like I made a huge mistake. I wanted to leave after about 5 months, but thought I should stick it out. We even tried marriage counselling and he would either show up 20-30 mins late or not show at all. Then he tells me he doesn't know why I am always unhappy, that everything is "fine".<br><br>
He doesn't hit me, or anything, but I feel basically like he wants me to be June Cleaver. Cook, clean, work 40 hours a week, do the laundry, take care of him, be seen and not heard, and just smile and be pleasant and happy....and disregard my own needs and wants to make him happy. I think not. I have more respect for myself. I am a successful accountant, do graphic design(self taught) and am opening an online business soon...all on my own. I've worked hard to make a good life and succeed...and he isn't going to tear me down.<br><br>
I think I am going to move into the spare bedroom and start packing my things and saving a litle money, maybe for a month, and then a place with my sister here in town. I don't want to go back to my parents, that's a crowded house. I will live here and separate and then start filing papers as soon as I can. It breaks my heart to be so let down by him. He isn't even a decent person, and it almost makes me feel relieved to have come to this decision....be honest ladies, am I doing the right thing???<br><br>
Thanks for letting me post a novel... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
Amber
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"> He isn't even a decent person, and it almost makes me feel relieved to have come to this decision [/B]</td>
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NAK-<br>
First, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s to you. I am sorry that this has happened to you.<br>
Second, reading your post, and especially the lines above- it sounds to me like you are making the right decision. He sounds like a jerk, and like somebody you would NOT want to spend the rest of your life with.<br><br>
Can't write more now, just wanted to say I'm sorry, be strong, and keep breathing!!
 

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I went through a similar experience that you are going through when I was in my mid-twenties. I left, and it was one of the best gifts I could have given myself. After some dark months, my life just started to get better and better. I am 32 and I love my life now! I have a wonderful husband, son and family. I have a baby on my lap now, but I wll be back later to see how you are doing.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
-Natalie
 

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wow you seem to have given the commitment a fair try; admirable that you have stuck it out this long!<br>
i'm sure there is something you love about him? these forums can be one sided... just saying that i am sure you do not have an easy time ahead of you, but you are WAY better off with out him!! and keep the bad in mind if he wakes up and realizes what he's losing and tries to win you back.<br>
congratulations on creating a successful independence, the sooner you ditch him the better things will get!<br>
good luck and best wishes<br>
n.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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He sounds like a total jerk, and I want to tell you to walk out. But- you must have had some reason for marrying him in the first place. What were your reasons? Do they still apply? Do they outweigh all this negative stuff?
 

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sometimes when projections fall away its a nasty shock isnt it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
You sound very resourceful, intelligent and I just have to say, thank the Gods you didnt make babies together<br><br>
I say, based on all Ive read here ...be smart about it and run like the wind my friend!<br><br>
journey well...you deserve it
 

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Amber, the decision to leave is VERY difficult. From the sounds of it, you've looked into your heart and you know it's time for a new challenge, most certainly a better opportunity. You are so wise to plan; stay strong and take good care of yourself.<br><br>
I wouldn't be surprised if your health problems improve when the stress you're under decreases.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks gals..I'm really numb to the whole thing right now. One part of me loves him, and wants to just forgive and make everything better. But I know in my mind I will never trust him again. And it will always haunt me that he PAID money to watch naked women dance and turn him on.<br><br>
It grosses me out so much. The reasons I married him was because he APPEARED to have the same values, morals and beliefs as me, and he treated me with dignity and respect, and love. When I say "appeared to" it was because he basically lied, or mislead me...and basically pretended to be someone he is not. I don't know why he did, but i know that he did it.<br><br>
I do love him, but he has SO much growing up to do, and i can't be there to raise him , I am not his mother. And Yes, I have to considerate of his feelings and know that it will hurt him too...but I am MORE concerned about my emotional and metal well being. I need to take care of myself.<br><br>
I moved into the spare bedroom, and will save my money in my own checking account, and move out as soon as I can.<br><br>
Thanks ladies, i have a long hard road ahead...and it's breaking my heart.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I wouldn't be surprised if your health problems improve when the stress you're under decreases.</td>
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<br>
I was thinking the same thing.<br><br>
while you are getting the dough together and planning the big exit.....swing by the library and check out some books by Carolyn Myss.<br><br>
It will be helpful...i think.<br><br>
hugs
 
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