[kwarwick]

I don't even know where to start, and I am so exhausted from DD's behaviors. I love the Mothering boards and just found this section tonight. Divine intervention, I'm sure, because I am at wit's end.....can anyone suggest where to start?

DD (will be 4 in Oct) has been high needs since day one. I knew it the first night she was born, and since then, I've just AP-ed her and told everyone who every questioned my response to her or her behavior that "this is what's right for our family". It's getting harder to do that as she's getting older, and while I've been ignoring this nagging feeling that something is "up", I don't think I can anymore. But where to start? I've read books like the Spirited Child; Highly Sensitive Child; Too Loud, Too Bright...; etc etc, and am just reading Sensational Kids, which recommends OT.

DD is brilliant, extremely verbal, compassionate, athletic, and most times seems like a "really intelligent, normal child" (per society's standards, plz don't take anything I type here as judgement of any children w/ special needs in any way....I'm just trying to get my question / story across as my head is spinning....). That's one minute. The next minute, she's full of anger, hitting / kicking me, having a major meltdown, can't handle noise or crowds, can't handle transitions, never has slept through the night, will only eat her "usual" foods, sensitive beyond belief, the list goes on. Until now, I've just ignored the stares, been strong, talked her out of her public meltdown, thinking I'm helping others learn how to be more compassionate parents by my example, but I just can't do it anymore.

I'm so tired of having "that child".

And I'm terrified that DD is starting Waldorf preschool in a month. DH wants to "wait and see" what happens there, but I'm feeling like I need to start exploring some help options now.

As I type this, I wonder why I'm complaining, as I've read some other posts and some of you have many more challenges than I do. Your strength inspires me; thank you.

Our family is very non-mainstream (as probably a lot of Mothering board posters are), and I am very, very hesitant to label my child in any way that will possibly be a negative for her future. On the other hand, I don't want to be in denial. I don't know where to start.......she's only been to a ND and DC for any healthcare, and there was just a case in Seattle (general area where we live) where a mother's parental rights were taken away by the courts when a MD reported her to CPS because she disagreed with his suggested treatment and wasn't going to follow through w/ it for her child. That completely terrifies me. How do I find someone who will help DD (and mostly help me w/ DD) without getting plugged in to some kind of medical care that I don't want? I am very verbal about what works for our family and what doesn't regarding healthcare, but how do you stop someone who reports you to CPS?

I think DH & I are pretty enlightened (so to speak, again, I'm not thinking clearly) parents in dealing with DD...we've just done a lot of things the books suggested, figured out a bunch on our own, and make our lives work so that I don't have to take her to the grocery store or whatever like that. We just don't know what to do anymore, and I think most people think we're just not doing what we "should". Our family is starting to mention things like not co-sleeping, not EBF-ing, "well, maybe if you tapped her on the tush".....all that type of crap. I feel like I'm going crazy about this, and I know it's only going to get worse as she gets older, and I have a nagging feeling that something needs to be done.

On a side note, my mom is bipolar, and it terrifies me that I could have to think about that with DD. I don't have any bipolar symptoms, and I'm just feeling like all the therapy I've done about living with that as a child with my mom is doing some good for me. I can't even conceptualize living with that again, but of course, it's DD so I would, but.......agh. I am usually not this much of a whiner. I'm just not sure where to start, so I appreciate any ideas from those with experience!

Thanks in advance.....I feel like all my friends with "normal" children can't relate and I'm not sure where else to turn.

Karen

 

[mamaclukey]

Nothing much can be done until she is at least evaluated by a Dr who specializes in children's development I would say. From what you describe I think Sensory Integration Disorder offhand, which OT/SI would be helpful with.

I'd see if anyone has someone in your area they could recommend, or call a local children's hospital, something like that. Once you get an eval, you'll have a much better idea of what you're dealing with and you can start moving in the right direction.

 

[JBAmom]

First of all, as an attached parent you know what your DD needs more than any other family members. I am so glad I trusted my instincts to allow our kids to sleep with us when they needed to, feed them healthy snacks between meals, etc., though I felt the disapproval of almost everyone I know. I didn't understand the cause of their issues at the time, but I knew they needed something different, and they still do.
Sounds like a screen by an O.T. who treats SID would be worthwhile. We were able to get O.T. just by asking our regular Dr. to write a Rx. We described our concerns about SI and she agreed. I'm glad we started there because I felt sure that O.T. was what younger son needed, and I'm not sure I want a Dx for him.
I would also look into alternative allergy treatments, diet changes, gut flora issues. All these things have made a huge difference for our kids to improve behaviors like the type you describe.

 

[mamaverdi]

I would definitely see an OT. An OT can give you an eval and give you an idea of who to go see next. I would also have her screened in some way for bipolar disorder if it is already in your family....here some ped neurologists do it, and some ped psychiatrists...it depends on the age of onset.

I would not take the approach of avoiding labels. I would take the approach of getting her help.

And I would find a good ped you can rely on to help you get to the bottom of whatever it is.

I have posted before that the thing to look for in a ped may well be this concept of a medical home. www.medicalhomeinfo.org

mv

 

[Finch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamaverdi I would definitely see an OT. An OT can give you an eval and give you an idea of who to go see next. I would also have her screened in some way for bipolar disorder if it is already in your family....here some ped neurologists do it, and some ped psychiatrists...it depends on the age of onset. I would not take the approach of avoiding labels. I would take the approach of getting her help.

Bolding mine, because I think that is probably the most important concept here. Labels are just labels. Think of them as a gateway to getting your dd the help she needs, not just a label.

MV gives excellent advice, I second her advice all the way. I understand your fear, but now is the time to be brave, be strong, and venture into the wilderness per se to find help for her, even if it is from "mainstream" docs and therapists.

Every therapist I have ever encountered is extremely respectful of all our parenting practices and choices. They try to work with us, not against us, kwim?

I think you are correct in wanting to get an eval before she starts school. The upheaval of a transition to school can throw even "normal" children into turmoil, let alone children with sensory issues and difficulty with transitions.

 

[kwarwick]

Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate them!

We have done NAET food allergy tx with our ND, which has definitely helped, and we don't eat sugar or other processed foods. No TV, nothing over stimulating. She takes acidophilis (sp?) from the ND. Any other dietary suggestions? I noticed some kind of special diet threads? Is that something also to look in to?

I'll be making some phone calls and reviewing web sits today, and see where we go. I'll just keep screening until I find someone who is AP friendly.

Had a "it's time to do something about this" conversation with DH last night regarding, and he's more on the same page. He is a very supportive dad / husband, but extremely hesitant about the label thing, even more so than I am. I definitely took note of changing my thinking from fear of labels to the benefit of getting DD and ourselves help. Thank you for that mind shift.

Appreciate any continued suggestions, and I have a good place to start.

Thanks, Karen

 

[JaneS]

I notice all these behaviors directly correlated to my DS's digestion and what his stools are up to. The underlying cause is intestinal flora imbalance which causes inability to completely digest foods and nutrient deficiencies. All of which effect behavior a great deal.

 

[Alana]

Quote:

DD is brilliant, extremely verbal, compassionate, athletic, and most times seems like a "really intelligent, normal child" (per society's standards, plz don't take anything I type here as judgement of any children w/ special needs in any way....I'm just trying to get my question / story across as my head is spinning....). That's one minute. The next minute, she's full of anger, hitting / kicking me, having a major meltdown, can't handle noise or crowds, can't handle transitions, never has slept through the night, will only eat her "usual" foods, sensitive beyond belief, the list goes on. Until now, I've just ignored the stares, been strong, talked her out of her public meltdown, thinking I'm helping others learn how to be more compassionate parents by my example, but I just can't do it anymore.

This is my 6yo as well. He sleeps through the night now...but some nights cant fall asleep till after 11pm and wakes up at 5am. I know how to work with him , but some days it is SO hard. We are getting an evaluation done to see what is going on, so we know where to go from here, and what tools we can help him gain. I am bipolar, and am rather frightened that is what it is with my son.