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Pretty much right after I posted about it, we stopped having a big issue with Baby E hitting and spitting. We've been really consistent about our response to it, and she has for the most part stopped doing it. She will still occasionally hit if REALLY provoked or extremely tired/hungry, but it's not a daily (or multiple times per day) thing any more.<br><br>
We had been handling it by telling her not to hit and then helping her practice what she should do instead to get what she wanted. We really felt that we should focus on what she SHOULD do rather than what she should NOT do.<br><br>
But when we added the action of quickly but gently removing her from the situation (you hit, you sit) for a cooling-off time before taking her back and having her practice more appropriate responses, that seemed to make a big difference. We were careful not to do it in a punitive way; we'd explain, "I can see you're having a hard time controlling yourself right now, so you can sit here for a minute until you calm down enough to talk about it."<br><br>
Then when we took her back and helped her work through how to get the toy she wanted or how to get her sister to stop doing something, it really seemed to stick better. We would literally try to stage the situation that triggered the hitting or spitting again, and talk her through how to respond and communicate in that situation. Her sisters were more than happy to help. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
With the hitting and spitting at night, we just said, "I can see you're not able to be in bed with M&M right now without hitting her, so you'll need to sleep in the playroom. I'm sorry, but I can't let you hurt your sister. You can try again tomorrow."<br><br>
It only took a few days of doing that consistently at the first offense for it to stop.<br><br>
That cooling-off time was helpful for me, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And just having a plan of action that DH and I had talked about and agreed on ahead of time, and then carrying it out immediately as soon as the hitting or spitting happened, was great. It made me feel so much more calm, confident and in control.<br><br>
Now Baby E says, "We don't hit."<br><br>
I just thought I'd share what worked for us. Thanks for the encouragement when I was discouraged about it. I guess that was the low point just before the improvement. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
We had been handling it by telling her not to hit and then helping her practice what she should do instead to get what she wanted. We really felt that we should focus on what she SHOULD do rather than what she should NOT do.<br><br>
But when we added the action of quickly but gently removing her from the situation (you hit, you sit) for a cooling-off time before taking her back and having her practice more appropriate responses, that seemed to make a big difference. We were careful not to do it in a punitive way; we'd explain, "I can see you're having a hard time controlling yourself right now, so you can sit here for a minute until you calm down enough to talk about it."<br><br>
Then when we took her back and helped her work through how to get the toy she wanted or how to get her sister to stop doing something, it really seemed to stick better. We would literally try to stage the situation that triggered the hitting or spitting again, and talk her through how to respond and communicate in that situation. Her sisters were more than happy to help. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
With the hitting and spitting at night, we just said, "I can see you're not able to be in bed with M&M right now without hitting her, so you'll need to sleep in the playroom. I'm sorry, but I can't let you hurt your sister. You can try again tomorrow."<br><br>
It only took a few days of doing that consistently at the first offense for it to stop.<br><br>
That cooling-off time was helpful for me, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And just having a plan of action that DH and I had talked about and agreed on ahead of time, and then carrying it out immediately as soon as the hitting or spitting happened, was great. It made me feel so much more calm, confident and in control.<br><br>
Now Baby E says, "We don't hit."<br><br>
I just thought I'd share what worked for us. Thanks for the encouragement when I was discouraged about it. I guess that was the low point just before the improvement. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
