Mothering Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
522 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My DS is 17 mo and very energetic - just go go go all day long. So I'm tired pretty much all the time! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/sleeping.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="sleeping"><br><br>
I've been reading a few books on discipline lately and one thing that struck me is a comment that if you sit on the couch and say "please don't do that" it sends a different message than actually getting up off the couch and going over to the child. I'm realizing that I'm always on that couch! Well, not literally, but if I'm washing dishes I'll call over to DS but not actually go over there and other similar situations. It's really a combination of 1. Busy doing something 2. In an ideal world I don't want him to throw sand on himself or touch the toilet water when I've just rinsed his poopy diaper into it so I say things to get him to stop, but I'm not TOO worried about it, more just an inconvenience for me if I have to scrub him down for the 5th time that day.<br><br>
Any thoughts/comments? I'm wondering if it's better to use different language/tone when he's climbing onto something (could potentially fall) than when he's throwing food off his chair (more cleanup for me). Or is it better to not try and discipline him for things that aren't as major until he's older and focus on the biggies now? I'm just worried that he'll see everything as not enforced if I continue with how I've been doing it.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blahblah.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blah blah"> <--- I'm afraid that's what I'll be!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,913 Posts
For me (and I am in the same position- very active kids, and it seems like I am always doing something), I try to take a minute before I say somethign to decide if it's somethign I want to make a battle or not. Obviously, a danger issue is a no brainer. But if it's somethign just annoying or inconvenient I may try to distract or redirect them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,139 Posts
That <b>moment</b> khrisday mentions is crucial. That is the moment where you REALLY decide. Pick your battles <span style="text-decoration:underline;">before</span> you speak. One thing that takes time but less than a full scale 'line in the sand' is to point out "That might not be a good idea because...." In all fairness, at that age (and for a looong while to come) the only way to genuinely communicate is to get down to eye level and make eye contact.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,482 Posts
It's better to say nothing and let him be independant and learn on his own that sand tastes yucky or that he's going to knock over a pile of books... If it's safe, let him learn to look out for himself. If it's not safe, get over there and help him out, he needs you. A good way to tell how big of a deal it really is, is to see if it's worth going over there. If you're telling him what to do or not do all day (when only part of it even matters) he'll start disregarding you. However, if you only speak up, and follow through, when it's important, he'll start learning that Mommy will protect him, and that when you talk it's worth paying attention to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,964 Posts
I know exactly what you mean! I agree with the other posters that you will weed out what is important and what's not so important with time and a throughtful response. As far as your concern over perceived "big" and "little" things, I would weigh that out. Is a "little" thing causing more work for you? Well, it may be little, but it's big, too, KWIM? Using the example of food throwing, we worked with our dd for-EV-er on this - she just dumped her plate tonight. But now we have her clean it up (with LOTS of help) from us. I am helping her learn skills while making less work for me AND feeling more calm about the whole situation. Instead of being angry, acting punitively, or just letting the whole thing go and cleaning it up myself, I engage her, while describing what we're doing and what to do next time.<br><br>
Like you, I find "getting off the couch" hard. One thing we've implemented is to say the action we want, repeat it, then get off our butts to help it get done. I figure the first time she may not have heard. And then it makes ME get into action. My dd is really getting independent now and if I ask if she needs mommy to help her do "x" she usually says, "No! Baby!" and does it herself. LOL! I don't say it threatingly, I just say, "Kiri can do it, or mommy can help" and she usually chooses to do it herself. If not, I step in, help her move her hands or whatever needs the help.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
533 Posts
I've been thinking about this a lot too. I like the suggestions of thinking before you speak about whether it's a battle you want to pick. I've been trying to only say something when I plan to follow through. Not only does this mean getting up, stopping what I'm doing, going over, etc, but the big thing for us lately is that I only make an issue of something when we have time to work on it productively. I try to really work on things when I'm not in a hurry.<br><br>
I'm pregnant and DD (28 mos) wants to be carried a lot. Sometimes it's just more expedient to pick her up. But I'd really like her to walk more. She often says that she doesn't want to wear shoes in the back yard, but then wants to be carried (it's a big yard with lots of pokies). Today we had time, so I gently reminded her over and over that if she didn't want to wear shoes, I'd hold her hand to watch for pokies, but I wouldn't carry her. We had plenty of time, and sure enough, she wanted to be carried, but since I wasn't rushed, we could make holding hands fun. I had time to be firm, but loving and relaxed. A much more positive experience than saying "No, you need to walk," and then being exasperated that it took so long, and ending up picking her up. Maybe that means that next time I ask her to walk, she'll know that I'm really not going to cave in!<br><br>
Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
522 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I really liked a lot of the suggestions - I think that thinking for a second before talking will really help.<br><br>
Usually when I catch myself passively reminding DS to not do something I can stop myself pretty easily (when I remember) but when I don't say anything in those situations, when does it become a situation where I'm coddling? It's hard to know exactly what he's capable of understanding/doing... KWIM? I don't want to be cleaning up after him when he's 13 or something like that because I missed out on teaching him!<br><br>
Thanks for all your help!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,959 Posts
REading this thread with interest.<br><br>
I love the suggestions so far. One thing I thought of is that I have a very different tone of voice and approach when it's something dangerous as opposed to something I just don't want her to do. So in that way, I don't think I'm going to send her conflicting advice. I do try very hard to always follow through by "getting off the couch" (love that, lol) and showing her what I want. But when it's something dangerous, my tone is much different. She really pays attention when I say "NO!" in a concerned voice, as opposed to "nooo, Emily we don't hit the cat". I really think she does get the difference.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
522 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Is it possible to develop lightning-fast reflexes? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: If DS is in a dangerous situation I usually physically remove him regardless of whether he's screaming or flailing and try and console him by sympathizing that I know he wanted to do that but it's dangerous and he could get hurt.<br><br>
One thing that DS does that I could really use suggestions on is playing with other kids' stuff. When we walk around the neighborhood and he's sees someone's else's toy out he'll run over to it and have a tantrum if I try and get him to put it back, or if he gets something and I walk over towards him shaking my head he runs away. And at places like LLL meetings he climbs into the infant carseats and pushes the strollers around. I can't really follow him around the whole time, which is part of the problem, and when I try to distract him he seems to get angry that I'm trying to distract him. I don't want to be one of those parents who seems to have a blind eye for their kids getting into other people's stuff yet it's such a struggle! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"><br><br>
TIA!
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top