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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My mom and I have a very rocky relationship... we can't be together long without arguing and she is often a very toxic person to be around...<br><br>
She was there during my last two births... My first birth I wanted her there... or at least I was led to believe that I wanted her there... she really annoyed me most of the time, and sided with the midwives and helped them talk me into things... I wish I could have told her to leave but I was fighting other things and didn't have the energy to fight that...<br><br>
The second time, I told her that I would rather be alone when I called her and told her I was in labour, she got upset and tried to guilt me into "inviting" her... she kept on calling the birth center and then said that she would "just" come by to watch ds a bit to give a friend of mine a few minutes to relax.... I finally said OK... I shouldn't have, but I did.... She came and she did take care of ds, but then came to see me every few minutes, she tried to get me to agree with the midwives on a transfer (my mom is very doctor happy and trusts the "professionals" 150% and she actually seems to really like being in or visiting hospitals) Anyway.... when my body got the urge to push the midwives ran into the room and in came my mother too... If I could have talked while my body was pushing, I would have told her to leave... but instead she stayed and then bragged to everyone that she was at the birth again... (of course she left ds during that time<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: but thankfully my dad arrived a few minutes later)<br><br>
This time, she has told everyone, included strangers that I am having a UC, which really bugs me, and she kept on asking me what "role" she was going to have for this birth...<br>
I kept on telling her that she would have none and she would change the subject... Finally about 2 weeks ago she asked more clearly... and I gave her a clearer answer and told her that I wanted to be alone this time, just like I had wanted the last time... she asked what we were going to do with the kids... I told her that they would be there too and that we would be taking care of them and if it was too much we may have a friend come a watch them depending on the time... she got upset saying that it should be her role and not a friends... I got upset and told her that the last time she had taken on that role when I said that I didn't want her there she had abandoned it and had forced her way into the moment and that I had not liked it... then she asked to call her to be on "standby" when I go into labour so that she would make any plans and she would be able to make it here right after the birth (she doesn't work btw)... I told her that I would call her when the baby was born...<br>
She got upset and defensive and then screamed out her normal spiel to try to make me feel guilty and threatened to not come around anymore etc.. and then stormed out of the house... I called after her before she got in the car and said that threats weren't going to work anymore and that it was her decision not mine... a bit later (about 30 min) she called me from the road to ask me something and didn't talk about it again... she has called me every few days since then and hasn't said a word about it... (we have been talking on a once every few weeks basis before this so this is really new) and now she even offered her electric pump for the birthing pool....<br><br>
I really think that she finally got the point... and it felt really good for me to remind her that she had not been inviting into the room last time like she has led everyone (including herself) to believe... it was something that had bothered me sicne then and it had never been a good time to talk about it before the other day....<br><br>
I am also happy that she seems to have got the point that it is my decision and my choice... she may not understand it or agree but threats and guilt trips are not going to work anymore...
 

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I'm glad that she knows where her place is now. That must be such a relief to you.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I am glad that she gets it this time.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/praying.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="praying">: for healing in your relationship. That can be difficult. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
How are you feeling? You have been in my thoughts. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for the hugs everyone...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
Angela... thanks for thinking of me... makes me feel loved <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br>
I am doing good... I am having a lot of pelvic pain and am quite uncomfortable but otherwise doing good... I am looking forward to the birth and to meet the new being that has been growing inside these last few months... There are so many emotions that come with the birth of a new babe and I feel that this time I will really have the chance to experience them... with a good birth and then plenty of support from DH for quite a few months...<br><br>
How are you doing?
 

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We're doing well. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"><br><br>
Your mom sounds like mine. Except mine had the sense to behave once she was allowed at the birth. At the beginning she was univited... much discussion and airing of concerns later she promised to be a good girl <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> mostly she was. A few un-needed comments AFTER ("BOY, I see why they do episiotomies now, if I'd just had some scissors....." um thanks mom. Pushing for 6 hours was no picnic, but I'm quite glad no one came after my nethers with sharp objects, thanks) But during she had the sense to be on her best behavior. Might have helped that everyone and their brother was there, so she had plenty of distractions <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Sending you peaceful birthing thoughts!<br><br>
-Angela
 
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