[intentionalmama]

My ds 5 3/4's loves doing science experiments. Today some family came over to help us move downstairs because of some rennovations we are doing. My ds was outside doing his alka seltzer and water rockets. I mentioned that I had heard coke with alka seltzer really sends them flying. (I had not thought my ds had heard me) Later we had ordered pizza for our relatives and it had come with some pop. (I didn't like this as I don't want my son having any pop at this age) My ds was all excited when he saw the coke because he wanted to do the experiments. So my dh took him outside where they did them. My ds had used up all his alka seltzer but still had a container of coke that he wanted to do other experiments with.

Then I see him with a glass of coke. He is asking my dh if he can try it. I freaked (he has never had coke) and I really didn't want him to have any. I just didn't want him to be introduced to pop. So I said no. He really really wanted it. I felt torn/upset, but I said, Ok, one sip and then I want the cup. So he has the sip, and he gets this look in his eyes. I say, "you don't like it?" He says, no I like it. Literally I felt my stomach drop. I said, ok, give me the cup. He holds on to it tighter and says no. He walks off with it (heading towards where my dh is now). I see the container with the rest of the coke in it and dump it down the sink. My ds turns around and screams my experiment and breaks down crying. He also throws his cup with the coke in it at the sink. My dh comes out and is trying to negotiate the situation. He says to me " Are you mad at me? Are you upset because I got pop with the pizza? You seem to be taking this out on ds? This is not the way you are with him"

I am saying he didn't give me the cup - so I didn't want this coke in the house and I threw it out. Later my dh told me that when I was talking to my ds about not having the pop, I actually said to him I didn't want him to have the pop because he would like it.

I ended up apologising to my ds. There was a can of orange crush there that he took outside, a few drops of coke in the container and a ton of flour where he made some goopy playdough type mixture.. Later, I apologised to him again and told him I acted in a very disrespectful way. He said he knew that, but for his birthday he would like a big bunch of flour, a can of orange pop and a little bit of coke so he could make more experiments.

I guess I am writing this because I feel my actions came from a place of fear and I know I was completley wrong. I felt like my fear of introducing pop blinded me in my dealing with him in a more respectful way. Poor kid, he sees many of his relatives drinking pop, but he is not allowed any (because he might like it). I know how forbidden things can become so important so I also hate that I've made the pop probably such a desireable thing. It's such an emotional thing for me that I have a hard time even thinking about how to handle it the next time he wants pop. If anyone has any advice, I would sure appreciate it.

Lesley

 

[meemee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by intentionalmama I know how forbidden things can become so important so I also hate that I've made the pop probably such a desireable thing. It's such an emotional thing for me that I have a hard time even thinking about how to handle it the next time he wants pop. If anyone has any advice, I would sure appreciate it.

what is it about coke that really gets to you? that takes rational thought away. perhaps if you explored that side you might find an answer.

we all make mistakes in parenting. the thing is to learn and move on.

it sounds like you solved it in an amicable way so i would let it go (a bag of flour for bday present

: it

)

yeah depending on the personality of the child forbidden things does become v. important. how many kids do you know who at 3 would choose chicken over candy/icecream? due to unique circumstances my dd did. and at 6 1/2 continues to do so.

i do have an occasional coke here and there myself. i always tell her when i drink it how bad it is for the body and how i struggle to not drink it/or want it. 'yeah mom its all chemicals. bad chemicals for your body.' she does get one sip if she asks or wants one.

 

[octobermom]

First off that experment really works best with diet coke...

The mentos and diet coke thing is quite fun

Second I get the not wanting soda thing we tried to be soda free with our DD lasted about 2 years then my mother would give me DD her empty cokes to toss in the trash there would be just enough left though to get her hooked.

.. But well our home were the parents our rules. treat this like anything else you'd rather not let your kid have. Keep it rare or out of the house or for grown ups only. We actually allow soda if we eat out since we do that a few tiems a year its a special treat.

Deanna

 

[Learning_Mum]

I don't think the odd can of lemonade or something is going to hurt your DS. I keep DS1 away from Coke because I don't like all the caffiene in it, but he will occasionally have some lemonade.

It's like you said, it's often desirable to have something that is unobtainable. You're the adult, he's not going to get any without you giving it to him, so I don't think the odd one is going to hurt. It's not poison, it's just not great for him.

 

[Miasmamma]

I will say that I don't drink pop. I will have the occasional coke to settle my stomach, but that's a carry over from my grandma. I did when I was a kid, but quickly got over it. DD likes it, but my mom drinks diet and so does DH when we go out. She knows not to ask for it as a drink but I don't deny her the occasional drink either. It won't kill her, and it's not a "forbidden" item. Those seem to hold a lot of sway over kids. The more they aren't allowed, the better it seems! DD still prefers tea and water over pop. I actually go and buy Coke made in Mexico when I want it. It's still made with sugar, not HFCS.

I grew up in south Texas, so this is what I drank when I drank Coke. I can't stand the "normal" stuff in the store!

 

[cappuccinosmom]

Quote:

It's not poison, it's just not great for him.

I agree with this.

Are you prone to being overly fearful, or just on this issue?

Wanting to avoid pop is completely understandable. We just don't buy it in our house--our kids might taste it once a year, if that. But, as you recognized, your reaction was completely over the top--you need to figure out what is going on there. If this is something that is interfering with your life and your relationship with your family, then you may need to see a counselor.

 

[SquishyKitty]

I don't think the occasional sip of soda is going to cause any real harm. In fact, it teaches him early on that an occasional treat is okay, but everything in moderation. Soda in our house is a treat, mostly because we're just not big soda drinkers. Same with candy, ice cream, and all the regular junk food stuff. Sometimes it's okay to just eat a piece of chocolate. Not every day. Make it a special treat. Really, soda isn't that bad unless he's drinking it every single day all day.

 

[Plummeting]

WHY is it so emotional for you? Are you the same way about candy? Ice cream? Cookies? Cake? They're all just sugary sweets - coke's not really any worse, other than that it has a little caffeine, but...are you that way about tea? Chocolate? Both of those have caffeine.

I guess my advice (as someone who also used to feel really strongly about things like that

) is to let it go. Seriously, if your kid has a cup of soda every now and then it is not going to kill him or make him a soda or caffeine addict. My DH likes to drink Big Red sometimes, which is every bit as bad as Coke, but dyed bright red. (Yummm.

) DD likes it and she knows she likes it, but she never asks me to buy it for her. She's never once asked me for it at the store or anything. When DH has some he shares it with her. When I take her to play putt putt or to a fair or something I get her a root beer, which she also likes and which she also never asks me to buy her. Soda is just something she likes to have a bit of when someone else has some.

Honestly, I do think it's mean to tell your kid they can't have a food/drink (other than alcohol, obviously) everyone else is having. My parents were like that and I do not look back and think, "Wow. It's so great how they protected me from junk food." No, I never, ever think that. At 30 years old I still think how mean it was for them to tell us we couldn't have the things everyone else was having. Additionally, it didn't turn us into adults with healthy eating habits. Out of 4 of us, I'm the only one with a healthy diet and that was a journey I made in adulthood, not a habit I entered adulthood with. There are lots of kids out there who can't have the things other people have at celebrations, due to food allergies (mine, for instance). I have to tell my kid she can't eat the ice cream or the milk shakes. I can't imagine telling her she couldn't have something just because it wasn't healthy enough.

I totally understand being afraid of your kid getting addicted to unhealthy foods. It's a real fear, when you've worked hard to help them develop healthy eating habits. You do have to let it go, though.

 

[Plummeting]

Quote:

Originally Posted by SquishyKitty Sometimes it's okay to just eat a piece of chocolate. Not every day.

LOL! In this house, dark chocolate is okay to eat every day. Lots of antioxidants.

Between my DD and I, a two ounce bar of dark chocolate will last a week. I really think it's perfectly fine. I guess if we ate the two ounces every day, maybe that would be a lot, but...a little chocolate every day? We're okay with that.

 

[mamarootoo]

what about a more natural kind of soda for a treat every once in a while? is it Hansen that has the sparkling fruit soda without all the processed ickyness?

 

[vegemamato]

I don't have much advice, but I can throw in our experience

we drink natural soda- knudsen's or juice squeeze..

a few families that we know mix juice with sparkling water

that said-

I bought my 8 yr old an a&w rootbeer the other day

:

we were on our way to a birthday party, we forgot our own vegan cake (which we always try to remember) and I knew we would get to a point where my daughter would want *something* treat-like..

so, mainstream soda from a gas station it was

I felt really strange giving it to her (she's never had anything like it, and I haven't had real pop in 8 or 9 years) but everything was fine..

she did love it, and spent the rest of the night begging for more- which was part of my fear in giving it to her.

I will admit to smiling when her eyes bugged out from the sugar and fiz- now I'm kinda glad I was the first to give it to her

(and- as another pp wrote, I wouldn't have something in my home- like soda/cookies/candy- if my kids couldn't enjoy it too.. I do 'hide' occasional treats in my room but that's not in the open.. I would've been bothered as a kid if my parents did this.)

also, fwiw, I didn't get the sense that you were out-of-control with your response.. I think that you were frusturated and probably reacted before you had the chance to evaluate the situation but, really, we all do that (at some point or another). I love how scientific your family is too

:

 

[mamalisa]

Everything in moderation. A Coke isn't going to ruin his health and he's not going to turn into a crazed sugar beast because he has a coke a few times. I can't imagine turning something so simple into a huge thing. It just seems mean to say he can't have it because he will like it. "You'd love this, no way you can have it." There is room for treats and healthy food all in the same diet.

For example, pop is usually our "eating out treat". I rarely buy it unless we're having a party. So, twice a year. Last week dh had a craving for a root beer float so there was pop in the house. The kids asked incessantly about having pop after being out in the sun all day (so they truly needed water) and I said we won't be keeping it in the house anymore. I'd rather pay 5x as much when we're out to eat or go out for rootbeer floats than deal with the beggging. Everyone was fine with that rule and they know the next time we go for sushi the server will fill their pop every chance she gets because she thinks they are cute.

 

[junipermoon]

this made me laugh. i think your son will be ok. you clearly love him to pieces. it is just so hard to be undermined.

i told my babysitter the kids couldn't drink soda (years ago before i totally caved on that rule). well, one day she came in with a coke in a fountain drink cup w/a straw. the baby (UNDER age 2!) went nuts. the sitter siphoned a drop of coke out and put it in his opened mouth before i could blink. i freaked a lil and she was like "what? i remember what you said. i don't let them have their own. i just give them sips. because they love it."

 

[Aufilia]

First, I agree you might need to consider relaxing on the pop issue. Is it the caffeine that worries you, or the HFCS? If it's the HFCS both Coke and Pepsi are going to be selling products with real sugar for the next couple months and you might consider that; or I've heard you can get Mexican real-sugar Coke at Costco sometimes. I agree that it's not an great drink but a little never hurt anybody, and I do kinda of agree with the "forbidden fruit" theory of temptation. I have to say my parents are huge pop drinkers but I mostly gave it up as a teenager.

Second, just a random thing -- I thought it had to be Diet Coke to get the reaction with Alka Seltzer. You can also use Mentos, I believe. Oddly enough, I just had this conversation with my own mother on Saturday..... though now I can't remember why! But I'm thinking he would've been disappointed if it was regular Coke. Maybe you could buy him a can of Diet and a can of regular and let him conduct comparative experiments.

 

[LynnS6]

I understand the desire to keep a healthy diet and not have processed foods. I'm about to go ask my neighbor down the street to please not give my kids popsicles at 5 pm. (They eat dinner at about 8 pm. We eat at 6. So, a popsicle at 5 holds their kids over, sort of, until dinner time. It ruins my kids' appetites for dinner.)

At the same time, there's decent research to show that parents who are really controlling about food end up with children who cannot self-regulate treats. You are really setting up the forbidden fruit kind of mentality.

For my kids, we talk about foods that help our bodies grow and get the nutrients we need. We talk about foods that don't help our bodies very much and how we need to be careful with those foods so that our bodies stay healthy. But nothing in our house is 'banned', with the exception of caffeine for the kids.

Some foods we don't buy very often -- so my kids LOVE sparkling cider, but we only buy it on major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter). Dd said to me the other day "Mom, it's been a really long time since we had any donuts." Umm.. yeah that's because we get donuts about 2x a year. My kids get pop when we go out to eat -- which is about once every 3 months, so it's not very often. They also get some when we travel (e.g., on the airplane). When we take longer car trips, I try to do juice. I won't let them have anything with caffeine because I don't want them doing that. But a little Sprite or Hansen's every now and again isn't going to hurt.

My kids have a remarkably sane relationship with food. They'll leave their pop half finished when we're out at a restaurant because they're no longer thirsty/hungry. They prefer homemade cookies to a lot of store bought treats. They both still have a lot of Easter candy left (heck, ds has Halloween candy left!).

You may think about this and determine that you really don't want your kids to drink pop. But, I would suggest that you think about whether a cup of pop every 6 months is really going to undermine their diets that much.

 

[intentionalmama]

Hello everyone, wow it is so great to post something and have responses. I really feel that sense of community of caring mothers plodding along on this crazy journey. So first off thank you for your replies.

cappuccinosmum.Are you prone to being overly fearful, or just on this issue?

You know, I wonder if I am overly fearful. I think if I asked my dh he would probably say yes. I am just not sure. Yesterday, I also freaked when I my husband started cleaning our stove with easy off. He had planned to take the stove outside (as we would be moving it downstairs) but did it inside instead. He said it was fumeless - but I could smell this strong lemony smell. So I had ds go downstairs or stay outside with me.

I felt uncomfortable with my son's desire to watch videos. ( we don;t watch television but he does watch between 0 and three videos a week). So we decided to not bring the television downstairs with us so we will be video free for approximatley 8 months.

meme asked

hat is it about coke that really gets to you? that takes rational thought away. perhaps if you explored that side you might find an answer/

You know, I don't even know what HMFC's are (I'll have to look it up). I just felt pop wasn't good for him and that he should be drinking either milk or water. I am also aware that he is a small child for his age and I worry that he is not getting enough milk as it is now. I just dreaded the idea of going out and it not being the regular choice of milk or water - but instead him wanting pop.

But there does seem to me to be a pattern of believing somethig is not good for ds and not really understanding why. When we moved into our house we learned we may have some tiles with asbestos in them. I completley freaked (I wouldn't have if I didn't have ds) I didn't want them in the house. Even when I was told it was safer to leave them then remove them - I wanted them out. They ended up not having asbestos - but my fear was that it would not be a healthy place for ds.

I think I can honestly say I wasn't like this until we had ds. Now, I hear other mothers concerned about something (usually health realted or environmental) and I feel that I should be aware of whatever it is.

The funny thing is we homeschool (well more like unschooling). I want my son to love learning and do the things he is interested in doing. For the most part this is what we do - but I see that when I don't feel comfortable/fearful with something ie) pop, television, who knows what is next - I don't want him to explore it. I don't like writing that thought.

 

[purplemoon]

I understand that pandora's box has been opened. It was opened for my son. We don't have coke (or soda) in the home and he doesn't get it out and about with me. If he is at a friends house, whatever, it happens.

However, I learned a cute trick for myself and my soda addiction. I take mineral water and juice (about 3/4 bubbly water with 1/4 juice) and make my own "soda".

I have found that the healthier juices actually don't work as well as apple juice. But, it is MUCH healthier than soda and it is very refreshing. My son likes it better than soda too!

 

[intentionalmama]

Plummeting: Honestly, I do think it's mean to tell your kid they can't have a food/drink (other than alcohol, obviously) everyone else is having. My parents were like that and I do not look back and think, "Wow. It's so great how they protected me from junk food." No, I never, ever think that. At 30 years old I still think how mean it was for them to tell us we couldn't have the things everyone else was having.

This is what I don't want! I always want the relationship to be the most important part and I think I really do make this a priority in most cases. I see I have to do something different here - or this is the situation I will help to create.

Vegemato: I will admit to smiling when her eyes bugged out from the sugar and fiz- now I'm kinda glad I was the first to give it to her.
I love this. That is exactly what happened to ds but my fear did not allow me to enjoy this moment. Instead it was oh no! Your comment reminded me of how neat it was to actually see his expression. Thanks.

I think I need to work more on the combination of :
Mamarootoo suggestion of knowing about healthier alternatives and LynnsS1 comments: For my kids, we talk about foods that help our bodies grow and get the nutrients we need. We talk about foods that don't help our bodies very much and how we need to be careful with those foods so that our bodies stay healthy. But nothing in our house is 'banned', with the exception of caffeine for the kids.

I try to differentiate about food, but I think I am too negative about foods that don't help the body grow and label them "unhealthy, bad", etc.

 

[intentionalmama]

Aufilia: Second, just a random thing -- I thought it had to be Diet Coke to get the reaction with Alka Seltzer... Maybe you could buy him a can of Diet and a can of regular and let him conduct comparative experiments.

Come to think about it, I didn't actually hear any excited comments re:this experiment - perhaps because it wasn't the diet coke. Your idea about the comparative experiments - he would love, love love. A big part of me wants to do this - but part of me is still not sure. But the seed has been planted and I know that when I make the decision to do this -something will have shifted in me and I will be able to come from a more rooted place.

Thank you to all for your comments and suggestions.

Lesley

 

[lolar2]

I'm not really sure if Canadian Coke has HFCS, actually.