[Messy Nessie]

It didn't go well

We coslept and loved it until my DD was 4 months. At that point she had stopped sleeping soundly completely and had started waking in the midle of the night for several hours to "play". She was constantly overtired and things were bad, so we brought the crib into our room and sidecarred her. This reduced wakings for 2 months or so, and then she began to wake every hour or more when DH and I came to bed. Again her disposition began to turn constantly fussy again and her naps went downhill. So much to my chagrin, we moved her crib to her nursery and things improved. She began waking only 3-4 times a night and it was much more managable and we were all more rested and happy.

Well, I started working last week. Altho I work from home, my DH has her all day and I see her every hour to nurse and sometimes he will bring her to my office to play and talk. But she is not with me full time anymore

Along with this, her nightwakings have increased to hourly or more again. Obviously she wants to be close to me, which is fine! That makes me happy! So I decided that the best thing for all of us is cosleeping again (I really missed it anyway). Unfortunately, she is still easily roused and only slept for one stretch next to me before waking for the day at 2 am. I brought her to bed with me and nursed her to sleep at 11 pm, she nursed again at 12:30 and then totally woke up at 2.

This will not work. My DH and I spent the next 3 hours trying to get her to sleep.

At one point I had to just put her in the crib and laid on the floor next to it, while she played inside. Eventually she realized she was tired, but b/c we have always parented her to sleep, she doesn't know how to get there herself. So I had to hold her for an hour while she screamed b/c she was overtired but couldn't sleep. Around 5 am I was able to get her to nurse to sleep.

Please help me solve this puzzle. I am open to everything, anything but CIO. I would love to cosleep, but my mama instinct isn't agreeing after last night. But this needs to change. I am the breadwinner, my DH has MS and needs my health benefits b/c we can no longer get them if I lose my job because my performance is bad. And trust me, it is bad. I cannot speak in coherent sentances and its hard to think on my feet. He is of limited help at night because he needs to fully rest in order to avoid relapses of his disease and stay healthy. We do not have family or friends here and I cannot nap during the day b/c I have to be at my desk working.

Thanks for reading, I'm rambling... I am soooooo fuzzy brained and tired!

:

 

[ChasingPeace]

I don't have any tried-and-true advice, but I wanted you to know I feel for you. You've probably read NCSS (didn't work for us, but I guess it does for some). Dr. Sears recommends "playing dead" when all else fails and baby wants to play, but that doesn't help when baby can't fall asleep on her own. Is your bed big enough? Are you still sidecarring the crib? I'm just throwing stuff out. I wish I had some good advice--hopefully some posters will.

 

[Messy Nessie]

Hi Darlene- Thanks!

We did try the NCSS. We have used various parts since she was 4 mo. This is what lead us to make the changes in our sleeping arrangement. I don't do the "Pantley Pull Off" b/c I do not want to rob her of nutrition she needs. She usually pulls herself off when she's done anyway. So it really didn't work well for us

I tried playing dead last night and she got really upset and started crying. Thats why I mentioned that she cannot put herself to sleep. She knows when she's tired, but can't do anything about it. I think she's so aware of her environment (always has been) that she fights sleep. And we have to practically hypnotize her to get her to sleep. Nursing and rocking or slinging with the vaccum are the only things that work. And sometimes they don't even.

Thank you for the hug! I was afraid I might get flamed

: I am not asking her to sleep thru the night at all... just give me 2-3 hrs between wakings :LOL

 

[erlyco]

Maybe you can try a mattress on the floor for just you and DD.
We used to bring DS into the bed, but the 3 of us were always waking each other up.
With the mattress on the floor, there is plenty of room for DS to spread out. He usually rolls away when he's done nursing. Then I can move a little without touching him. Plus, with the mattress on the floor, you don't feel other people's movements as much as in the bed, kwim?

Not sure if it'll help, but might be worth a shot.
Good luck.

 

[Piglet68]

If I understand you correctly, the problem now is that even in her crib in the nursery she is still waking frequently, is that right? So whether she cosleeps, or sleeps alone, you are still having to get up alot, right?

You are probably right that the increase is due to seeing less of you during the day. This is common for babies. I really don't know what to tell you, though I wish I did b/c it sounds so stressful for you!

 

[13710]

I don't have any good advice really, but I just wanted to say that when I went back to work, DS had a week or so of really disrupted sleep. But it got better once we all settled in to our new situation! So I hope things improve for all of you soon... and in the meantime, nap any time you can (from someone who is not beyond taking a nap under her desk at the office!!).

 

[Piglet68]

actually, sputnik makes a very good point. All this switching around between family bed and crib may be disrupting things. Maybe you just need to make a decision and stick to it for a few weeks to give it time.

There was an article in the cosleeping issue of Mothering that said people who do "reactional cosleeping" - in other words, the baby is in a crib, but gets brought into the parents' bed when things get rough - suffer more sleep disruptions than either dedicated cosleepers (who cosleep all the time) or crib sleepers.

Perhaps you just need to give your baby time to adjust to the new setting (your bed) and see what happens.

HTH!

 

[kerc]

hugs to you. that's a tough situation.

she wakes frequently? my dd does too, only by accident we figured out that a REALLY LOUD fan helps her figure out how to get back to sleep. She's now 20 months and every night before I kiss her goodnight she reminds me to turn it on.

I agree to try something for several days/weeks and see how it goes. Maybe your dd needs more consistency? My own dd really seems to crave it, and honestly I do too, so I'm somtimes too likely to recommend that.

and finally...remember that your dd might not be getting all that much milk by the time you might try to pull her off the nipple. She is likely just suckling for comfort and as such would not miss that much nutrition.

 

[Messy Nessie]

wow! thank you for all of the supportive replies

it really lifted my spirits to read your posts. i tend to agree that the change may have confused her. i have always tried to watch her and respond when she starts to need something different, hence the different sleeping arrangements we've had.

thanks for all of the suggestions! we have a very loud humidifier in her nursery that runs all the time and another in our room, for when she sleeps in there. the frustrating part of the situation is that she seemed to want to be close to me, and was crying out and needing to be nursed back down so frequently, but once in bed- she woke fully and couldn't be put back to sleep

so either I sleep with her and get a little broken sleep for 4 hours and then get up at 2 am with her. or i have her in her own room and deal with the hourly wakings and get to sleep short stretches all night.

so last night, i set out to give it another shot. i decided to give cosleeping a try for a week to see if she would adjust and stop waking "for the day" in the middle of the night. we did our usual routine of walk, bath and then nursing in the rocker. i put her in the crib to start her night with the intention of taking her into bed with me at her 10 pm nightwaking... 10 came... and passed... so i went to bed alone with the intention of bringing her to bed when she next woke...

i woke up at 4 am, breasts engorged and the sheets wet from leaking- she hadn't woken! i ran into her room to see if she was still breathing, afraid that i had missed her cries on the monitor. nope, she was sound asleep- slept all the way through! so i expressed some milk, brought my pillow and a blanket into her room and slept on the floor until she woke at 6:30 to start the day.

this is the first time this has ever happened. and i'm not holding out for it to happen again :LOL i think she may have been so tired from not sleeping the night before that she "slept thru the night". i'm going to play tonight by ear, but i think she's going to stay in the crib for now

she just seems to do so much better in there than in the bed.

and thank you so much for listening and being sympathetic. sometimes i fell like the worst mama in the world for wanting a little sleep. i truly wish i could do without it- i so treasure holding her close in the still of the night and don't want to lose that.

 

[kerc]

hey one more thought....
until last week my daughter was sleeping in a crib in her room (we moved her at ~12 months). But at about 13 months we put a twin bed in there. So whenever I would wake with her during the night I would bring her into the twin bed and stay there. Oftentimes as she got older she didn't want to nurse but just wanted to snuggle in her room. She's sleeping in the twin now and the crib is about to come down (this weekend if there's time).