[Bonnenuit]

It's kind of a long story but I will make it short as possible.

I'm 5 weeks pregnant (almost) and we had been trying to conceive our second. I've been really wanting to have this child be a home birth but because my daughter had IUGR and had an emergency induction (we didn't plan a home birth with her) my husband is very against it.

I've been wondering if I should call a midwife and ask her to interview with my husband regarding it or if I should talk to a doctor about it first?

I'm at a loss.

 

[evolved]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnenuit It's kind of a long story but I will make it short as possible. I'm 5 weeks pregnant (almost) and we had been trying to conceive our second. I've been really wanting to have this child be a home birth but because my daughter had IUGR and had an emergency induction (we didn't plan a home birth with her) my husband is very against it. I've been wondering if I should call a midwife and ask her to interview with my husband regarding it or if I should talk to a doctor about it first? I'm at a loss.

I know I'm a new member, and I'm on here looking for information, but I was in a similar situation.... as your husband. My wife and I had our 1st child in may of 2007, and we've just recently become pregnant with our 2nd child. After seeing how upset she was at our 1st birth experience, I'm more willing to do anything to make sure she has the experience she wants, and deserves. One thing for me, that really sealed the deal that I'd be willing to do a homebirth was "the business of being born" it took away almost any fears I'd had on what could, and would go wrong with a home birth. Try to get him to watch it and hopefully it will help bring him around.

 

[claddaghmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnenuit It's kind of a long story but I will make it short as possible. I'm 5 weeks pregnant (almost) and we had been trying to conceive our second. I've been really wanting to have this child be a home birth but because my daughter had IUGR and had an emergency induction (we didn't plan a home birth with her) my husband is very against it. I've been wondering if I should call a midwife and ask her to interview with my husband regarding it or if I should talk to a doctor about it first? I'm at a loss.

Can't you just do prenatal observation and if the baby has iugr signs cancel the hb??

 

[Bonnenuit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by evolved I know I'm a new member, and I'm on here looking for information, but I was in a similar situation.... as your husband. My wife and I had our 1st child in may of 2007, and we've just recently become pregnant with our 2nd child. After seeing how upset she was at our 1st birth experience, I'm more willing to do anything to make sure she has the experience she wants, and deserves. One thing for me, that really sealed the deal that I'd be willing to do a homebirth was "the business of being born" it took away almost any fears I'd had on what could, and would go wrong with a home birth. Try to get him to watch it and hopefully it will help bring him around.

Thank you so much. It is nice to hear a male perspective. I considered watching the movie together, although I heard it ends in a hospital because of an emergency...so I was afraid to show him!

 

[Juvysen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnenuit It's kind of a long story but I will make it short as possible. I'm 5 weeks pregnant (almost) and we had been trying to conceive our second. I've been really wanting to have this child be a home birth but because my daughter had IUGR and had an emergency induction (we didn't plan a home birth with her) my husband is very against it. I've been wondering if I should call a midwife and ask her to interview with my husband regarding it or if I should talk to a doctor about it first? I'm at a loss.

Have you talked to a midwife about whether or not you'd qualify for a homebirth? I'm not sure what constitutes "high risk" for a homebirth, but they do risk people out. I don't know any specifics about IUGR either, so this could be way off base, but would it be worth finding out before fighting the fight against your husband?

Just a thought...

 

[Bonnenuit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by claddaghmom Can't you just do prenatal observation and if the baby has iugr signs cancel the hb??

That is what I have been suggesting. I think the OB I'm choosing is pretty pro HB. She's had all her children at home. I'm also nervous about asking her what she thinks.

 

[Bonnenuit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Juvysen Have you talked to a midwife about whether or not you'd qualify for a homebirth? I'm not sure what constitutes "high risk" for a homebirth, but they do risk people out. I don't know any specifics about IUGR either, so this could be way off base, but would it be worth finding out before fighting the fight against your husband? Just a thought...

Well obviously I'm going to talk to her about it. I just wanted to wait until I was actually with child before I did it!

 

[meganmarie]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I agree with "evolved", BBOB was an eye-opener for my husband too.

Do you feel as though you understand what your DH's issues are? What is he afraid might happen? What worries him about home birth? What about hospital birth makes him feel safer?

I ask because, the situation you encountered with #1 might have been just the same with a homebirth midwife. My understanding is that HB midwives can diagnose or suspect IUGR, order ultrasounds if they see any signs for concern, and refer you to a hospital for induction or c/s if an emergency develops. I think there is a misconception that if you choose homebirth you are giving up the safety net of the hospital, but most midwives seem to look very carefully - throughout a pregnancy and labor - for risk factors and developments that would suggest you might be better off transfering to the hospital. That doesn't mean they are practicing defensive medicine like your average OB, it just means that they are vigilant and keeping safety in mind.

So, I wonder what is really going on in your DH's head?

I would try calling some midwives to interview. I think they are pretty used to reassuring the nervous husband. Your DH should get the opportunity to air all his concerns and ask all his questions.

 

[Bonnenuit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meganmarie Congratulations on your pregnancy! I agree with "evolved", BBOB was an eye-opener for my husband too. Do you feel as though you understand what your DH's issues are? What is he afraid might happen? What worries him about home birth? What about hospital birth makes him feel safer? I ask because, the situation you encountered with #1 might have been just the same with a homebirth midwife. My understanding is that HB midwives can diagnose or suspect IUGR, order ultrasounds if they see any signs for concern, and refer you to a hospital for induction or c/s if an emergency develops. I think there is a misconception that if you choose homebirth you are giving up the safety net of the hospital, but most midwives seem to look very carefully - throughout a pregnancy and labor - for risk factors and developments that would suggest you might be better off transfering to the hospital. That doesn't mean they are practicing defensive medicine like your average OB, it just means that they are vigilant and keeping safety in mind. So, I wonder what is really going on in your DH's head? I would try calling some midwives to interview. I think they are pretty used to reassuring the nervous husband. Your DH should get the opportunity to air all his concerns and ask all his questions.

Thanks for your reply. It was very insightful! I think his issue is that our first had the IUGR and he does indeed feel there is no hospital safety net with a midwife.

 

[meganmarie]

Quote:

Thank you so much. It is nice to hear a male perspective. I considered watching the movie together, although I heard it ends in a hospital because of an emergency...so I was afraid to show him!

But this illustrates my point exactly. When Abby Epstein goes into labor too soon with a breech baby, the homebirth midwife checks her out and *knows* that they need to scrap the planned homebirth and travel to the hospital. They do, and the baby is fine. It is not at all a "failed" homebirth - it is an example of how emergencies that emerge in pregnancy and labor can be caught and moved to the right setting when needed.

 

[Bonnenuit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meganmarie But this illustrates my point exactly. When Abby Epstein goes into labor too soon with a breech baby, the homebirth midwife checks her out and *knows* that they need to scrap the planned homebirth and travel to the hospital. They do, and the baby is fine. It is not at all a "failed" homebirth - it is an example of how emergencies that emerge in pregnancy and labor can be caught and moved to the right setting when needed.

I'll definatley borrow it. Actually I know the midwife offers people to rent it.

 

[evolved]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meganmarie But this illustrates my point exactly. When Abby Epstein goes into labor too soon with a breech baby, the homebirth midwife checks her out and *knows* that they need to scrap the planned homebirth and travel to the hospital. They do, and the baby is fine. It is not at all a "failed" homebirth - it is an example of how emergencies that emerge in pregnancy and labor can be caught and moved to the right setting when needed.

it's actually that scene that "sealed" my comfort with a home birth. It was reassuring to me to see that even in the instance of something "bad" that the midwife was quickly able to assess the situation and in the end everything turned out fine. I realize though that my wife and I are in a little different situation because it's our 2nd child, we want a VBAC, and we live an hour away from our chosen hospital.

 

[Bonnenuit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by evolved it's actually that scene that "sealed" my comfort with a home birth. It was reassuring to me to see that even in the instance of something "bad" that the midwife was quickly able to assess the situation and in the end everything turned out fine. I realize though that my wife and I are in a little different situation because it's our 2nd child, we want a VBAC, and we live an hour away from our chosen hospital.

Oh I am glad to hear that!

I think the one thing Kyle is pro HB about is that I don't have to be too far away from my daughter.

 

[XanaduMama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bonnenuit I'll definatley borrow it. Actually I know the midwife offers people to rent it.

It's on Netflix for instant download...and I actually just saw a copy in our local Blockbuster!

 

[Bonnenuit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by XanaduMama It's on Netflix for instant download...and I actually just saw a copy in our local Blockbuster!

Oh awesome.

 

[Talula Fairie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by claddaghmom Can't you just do prenatal observation and if the baby has iugr signs cancel the hb??

:

this is what I was thinking too.

 

[jess5377]

Quote:

Originally Posted by evolved One thing for me, that really sealed the deal that I'd be willing to do a homebirth was "the business of being born" it took away almost any fears I'd had on what could, and would go wrong with a home birth. Try to get him to watch it and hopefully it will help bring him around.

Watching "The Business of Being Born" with my husband is exactly what turned him around too. Yes, it ends with a hospital transfer for *one* of the births, but he said he found that reassuring, how quickly they were able to transfer.

I don't know, I think something just switched in him when he watched it. He just got it.

 

[kimiij]

But didn't that baby end up being diagnosed IUGR. Not sure if it's the best movie to show him...

 

[2+twins]

I don't know if this helps or hurts your case, but the reason for the transfer to hospital at the end of BOBB *is* b/c of IUGR, although they don't explain that very well in the film (that's the one thing that bugged me about it - the lack of explanation).

 

[lindsayjean]

My husband wasn't so sure about homebirth at first, but after talking to a homebirth midwife and asking her any and everything he wanted to- he is definitely for it now. Mostly he just wants to support me and whatever I want, but he also did have some valid questions and concerns that the midwife helped clear up. I think just meeting a few is helpful because they are just SO knowledgeable and understanding. They've had not so sure fathers many times I'm sure!

Good luck!!