I want out

1287 Views 11 Replies 10 Participants Last post by *bejeweled*, Oct 15, 2003

gr160

Discussion Starter · Oct 13, 2003

I really need help. I want to quit my job, I never wanted to be a working mom, and I've got all kinds of pressure to stay at work. My daughter just turned one, so I thought I could deal with it, but I can't. I don't need to work financially, but it seemed like I would still have lots of time to be with my daughter, so I agreed. I'm teaching first grade, and have 18 40min classes a week (3-4 a day). I thought I could spend the between time with my daughter, but I have to make all kinds of props, manipulatives (like laminated, magnetized flash cards), grade worksheets, workbooks, homework, tests, keep records, observe other classes, meetings, type a daily report 2-3x until it meets the supervisors expectations, etc., etc. I hardly have time to eat, much less see my (breastfed) daughter. Then I go home and make lesson plans for an hour or so, and possibly grade some more tests.
My students are wild, and I'm getting comments about that from my supervisor, but her only advice seems to be 'Make them love you, and then they'll do anything for you, you'll see.' Wow, real helpful practical advice. Then she suggests spending recess time making friends with them. Ok, I'm supposed to take time away from my daughter to do that?
I feel so much pressure to be a perfect, fully dedicated, cheerful teacher (and there a few, there's like a competition or something going on). The other teachers go home and make more props (they're always busy doing it between classes) and spend their own money and off time buying treats and surprises for their students. I can't compete, and I don't want to. I don't want to be a second mother to my students, and I don't want to be a stepford teacher. I want out.
My husband thinks I'm wasting my life if I'm not working. As an American, I'm automatically guaranteed a high salary over here if I want to teach, and he doesn't understand why I'm not interested. The only reason I took this job is because I thought I'd have lots of time with my daughter (I don't

) and my best friend also works there. I've decided to stay one more month. There will be a two week break after that, and I figure that's as good a time to leave as any, and it will give them time to find someone else, and get her settled in.
So, what do I say? Another friend, who also works with me, is having the same thoughts. She also has a young daughter, and took the job with the same expectations I had. So, don't think I'm just a wimp

. What do I say to:
My supervisor?
My husband?
My best friend?
Please help

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oceanbaby

· #2 · Oct 13, 2003

I would tell them the truth. You don't feel you have enough time at home with your daughter, so that's what you are going to choose to do for now. You want the kids to have a teacher that is going to devote more dedicated time to them, and the best way to make sure that happens is to step down. To your husband: You can always teach later, but your daughter is only going to be young once.

IMO, the only reason to work instead of stay home with your kids is 1 - if you have to financially, or 2 - if your job fulfills you and makes you a happier person. If neither one of these is the reason you are working, then it sounds like you are making the right decision. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should if you don't want to. And remember, you don't always have to justify your choices, and you're allowed to change your mind.

I don't think you are a wimp at all. Being a SAHM is the hardest job I've ever had! If you're not happy with your situation, and have the financial means to change it, then I would absolutely do the same thing.

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sunmountain

· #3 · Oct 13, 2003

what oceanbaby said.

We all have our limits. We can't do it all, all at the same time. When I was in the midst of having young children in the house, I was not cut out for working, now that they are older I am, both emotionally and intellectually, but not for 9 years!

the whole issue with women's lib was CHOICE. yes, you can make good money teaching, but what is the money worth if you and your family and your students aren't getting what they need? You are SO not a wimp. You are smart and resourceful and a great mama.

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gr160

Discussion Starter · #4 · Oct 13, 2003

Thank you.

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jeca

· #5 · Oct 14, 2003

The first I though when I read your post was "oh the poor thing". Why don't you tell them everything and exactly what you said here. I'm sure they will be understanding and emphathetic, I know I am. No job should make you feel in that much turmoil. Just try being honest and see where that leads.

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captain optimism

· #6 · Oct 14, 2003

I respect your decision to quit your job; it sounds like your supervision is terrible and you aren't getting what you need to do your work. But as a first-grade teacher, you are in an essential position. So you need to give your supervisor/principal some notice so that she can replace you or find a long-term sub.

"Make them love you"? What the? Is that supposed to be pedagogical mentoring?

: What could be more irrelevant to classroom discipline? The key isn't for them to love you, it's to have every minute of the day filled with structured, age-appropriate learning activities. They can't get wild if you have a lot of stuff for them to do. If they love you, great, but it's so not your goal!

There is no way I would take a job teaching children that age with a breastfeeding baby! And I'm currently both working full time and breastfeeding. That's without the dopey supervisor and the lack of official prep time and money for materials. I think your job sounds exploitative.

Hope you can make a smooth exit from this job.

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beachrock

· #7 · Oct 14, 2003

Quote:

Originally posted by gr160
My husband thinks I'm wasting my life if I'm not working.

Surely you are wasting your life only if you are not doing what *you* want to do with it.

As sunmountain said, this is about your choice, not what you feel pressured into by others. What would your daughter say to you if she could? Should her voice be less important than your husband's, best friend's, supervisor's, etc. just because she can't talk yet?

I'm not ragging on ya, I think you're great! I'm just trying to give you ammo, in case you need it.

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gr160

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 14, 2003

I gave my notice today, and told the supervisor I'd stay a month until the break, so that gives her 6 weeks to find a replacement.

Quote:

But as a first-grade teacher, you are in an essential position. So you need to give your supervisor/principal some notice so that she can replace you or find a long-term sub.

I think 6 weeks is reasonable, but the thought of staying in this job for another year, and losing that time with my daughter is killing me. All in all, I'm putting in 11 hours a day(work, transportation, work I bring home), and that doesn't leave much time for my daughter. Something's gotta give, and it's not gonna be family.

Quote:

There is no way I would take a job teaching children that age with a breastfeeding baby!

~captain optimism
Well, I was told by my friend, who worked there last year that she had gobs of free time, but that was in a different section, so it didn't work out for me. I'm also not the primary teacher, I teach the English subjects, which the girls are not even tested for (as far as finals, grade advancement goes). But, that's beside the point, and they deserve someone who can fully commit to the job. I don't want to just hang around and do a crappy job so I can see my daughter, and collect my check.

Quote:

What would your daughter say to you if she could? Should her voice be less important than your husband's, best friend's, supervisor's, etc. just because she can't talk yet?

~DeirdreAlison
My thoughts exactly. I keep wondering how I got into this mess... I never wanted to be a WOHM. (Not putting it down, I just don't have it in me, and I knew that.) I wanna be a homeschooler, hang out with the kids.
TIME TO GROW UP AND GET A BACKBONE!!!

:
Thanks for all of your help. I knew I'd get it together if I came here.

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sohj

· #9 · Oct 15, 2003

Quote:

Originally posted by gr160
What do I say to:
My supervisor?
My husband?
My best friend?
Please help

"I quit."

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tausborn

· #10 · Oct 15, 2003

I'm with sohj! All you really have to do at work is say I QUIT! But, it is nice to put in a notice... Hopefully, they will find a replacement and you won't even have to fulfill the whole six weeks you have left.

You aren't responsible for your best friend. Even if you guys started together, she's not your child, right? Your husband... I hope he comes around. If not too bad. Maybe he'll notice how happy you are when you get to stay home!

It's horrible to be stuck in something that hate it so much. Good for you for taking steps to fix your life!

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siddie

· #11 · Oct 15, 2003

Hooray for you for giving your notice!!!!!

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bejeweled

· #12 · Oct 15, 2003

I applaud you for following your heart.

I will be doing the very same thing in the next few months. It's scary when I think of how others will react, but then, it's my life and I'm living it. My DD will only be a baby once. And I'm not missing out on anymore than I have to.

Your baby is lucky to have a Mommy like you.