Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Darn that PBS!<br><br>
Hi, people. I'm new here... and I really need some help.<br><br>
I have three little boys, almost-5 year old twins, and a two year old. I've been planning to homeschool (and loosly am, already), since the twins were born. I've been researching it and reorganizing my thinking for five years, excited about it, believe in it, and now, as we get ready to embark upon the school-age years, my kids can't stop talking about going to SCHOOL. They want the whole package. They see school romaticized on TV, in the library, everywhere. Their friends go. Their dad goes. I will go when we move back to Canada. They want to have backpacks, eat lunch there, listed to a teacher, be on their own, definitely be away from hom, learn from school books and play with their friends.<br><br>
Now, I know this is a very romantic and unknowing view of school. After all, they've never been. But to be fair, i intensely enjoyed my elementary years too. What I didn't enjoy was not having any fun with math, the cliques, the pressure, the boredom, all of that stuff we all talk about all the time. But there were some very sweet times.<br><br>
Well, right now I feel like homeschooling would be a disaster without my kids on board. I can't force them. That's exactly the opposite of the philosophy that mandates homeschooling in the first place. And homeschooling would be a disaster for me if I constantly felt like I was robbing my kids of something they really really want.<br><br>
Is there always time for a trial year? I feel like once they get into it, find friend, etc.. (they're VERY sociable and tenacious), I'd lose them to school completely. Is there anything wrong with this? Or is there a sort of class or group or activity I could send them to (on their own, of course), with a backpack, that we could CALL school, but not actually have it be school? Maybe boyscouts? YMCA classes? Ultimately, and of course, they want to do things without me, and I'm fine with that. I ambrace that and I'm thankful for the opportunity to have breaks, and for them to glean knowledge from a rich variety of people. But school...<br><br>
Whenever I think about it, I feel like crying. My stacks of homeschooling magazines would just go in a box somewhere, I would have to hang up the mental journey I've taken over the last five years and switch gears to embrace school again. It makes my tense and worried and I fear that the spark and the life and the profound innocent gaiety of my boys would dissolve in a sea of boredom, peer pressure and unnatural pacing. I don't want them to pick up the cynical and snotty attitudes of peers. They've never used the word "bored" yet... I don't want them to start. I don't want them to hate their little brother. So far they all play together like a single organism. I don't want them to learn complacency or disrespect or any of that boyish stuff that spreads like a disease in so many schools.<br><br>
Or are all school even like that? is that just my fear talking?<br><br>
I won't go any longer with this. You've all been through a similar journey and you don;t need to be hit over the head with mine. But what do I do? it all boils down to not wanting to disappoint my kids... I don't want them to go through life resenting the fact that they never got to go to school. I feel so backwards wanting to withhold it from them. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,914 Posts
HI<br><br>
I think that this is pretty common for 4 year olds - there may even be a recent thread about it.<br><br>
I have twins who are almost the same age and one them desparately wanted to go to school. I'm not comfortable w my 4 year olds making that level of important life changing decisionson, but her input was important to me so we talked a lot about it to find out why she wanted to go and what she was hoping to get out of it. We explained over and over again the things that she would experience in school We also came at it from a different angle, getting her involved in a lot of homeschool activities including a french preschool program, a learning co-op and a dance class w homeschooled friends. She wanted 'school' work so we bought some inexpensive work books and binders, a pencil case and knapsack, we hung a letter poster on her bedroom door - the whole shebang.<br><br>
Once she realized that she would miss out of the fun stuff we do, and that she had most of the fun stuff of school, and that most of her best friends were not in school, it stopped being an issue.<br><br>
Good luck<br>
Karen
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,626 Posts
What about summer camp? You get to take backpacks, learn nature things and sports, etc...that could maybe work? Especially if it's on at the Y or something that is more indoors and preschool-like, or at a montessori. I know the montessori's here have summer camps that are basically school in the summer with some extra outdoor time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,358 Posts
And sometimes you send them to school, they see it's not all they thought it would be and realize that they made a mistake.<br><br>
If you feel comfortable letting them try it out - let them. If you don't, then don't.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,896 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>thespina13</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That's exactly the opposite of the philosophy that mandates homeschooling in the first place.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
not really. many many homeschoolers feel that this is the parents choice to make and many do not base thier descision much on what thier kids want but rather what they think is best for thier kids and their family.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>thespina13</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is there always time for a trial year? I feel like once they get into it,. . . I'd lose them to school completely. Is there anything wrong with this? Or is there a sort of class or group or activity I could send them to with a backpack, that we could CALL school, but not actually have it be school? But school...</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I am not a fan of trial years for going to school.<br><br>
and of course there are ways to meet whatever needs they think school will fulfill. there is a myrid of classes, lessons ect (especially fopr the preschool/kindergarten set) where they can recieve instruction from a teacher. i prefer to stay away from thing offered speifically to homeschoolers (drama) unless there is a very good discount. There is also 101 social things to do throughout thier education. there i prefer to do with other homeschoolers. and tehre are just activities that might seem appealing to them - riding a bus, eating in a cafateria, eating bad food with friends, takign a lunch in a lunch box, field trips etc all of which can be done alone or with friends.<br><br>
My dd like all kindergarteners got caught up in school fever. after i explained a few thing to her she was perfectly content to stay home. what I explained:<br>
You would not go to the same school as Josse or Hannah.<br>
you wouldn't be in the same grade, class etc and if you were youwould get in trouble for playing.<br>
when you made new friends at school same thing.<br>
no activities, no choosing your own bedtime/waketime, not much time left for playing<br>
no activities, extra curriculer or weekend activities.<br>
no bus (this was a huge draw for her. we live within walking distance of 4 public and 5 private schools)<br>
lunch would still be the same old same old and you can't talk and have to eat fast. even if you are not hungy. can't eat later no matter how hungry you are.<br>
recess is 15 minutes. too short in the spring too long in the winter when you would rather not play outside.<br><br>
plus all the other unsavory - look at reality and look at what youwould giving up.<br><br>
what really helped was aduring her first year she was always wanting to lpay with the girl down the street. from the time she got up until it was almost time for bed everytime she asked to play she was met with "no she is at school still " and the reality of time spent at school hit her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,035 Posts
this has been my fear too. i live and breathe homeschooling preparing to do it w/ds. i've pored over books about it. right now it seems perfect for ds. he's 4. he doesn't like noise/crowds.<br><br>
but i'm afraid that when he's 5 1/2 and kindergarten is starting that somehow he'll be so different than he is now and he'll want to go. and can i just tell him no outright??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,758 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I can't force them. That's exactly the opposite of the philosophy that mandates homeschooling in the first place.</td>
</tr></table></div>
I see what you are saying , I really do...but I disagree that it's the opposite of the philosophy.<br><br>
Picture this:<br>
A five year old REALLY wants to stay home with Mommy , but Mommy forces him to go to school. He cries , gets on the bus and has his first day of school. Mommy says to him "honey I know you don't like it , but I know what is best."<br><br>
Now reverse that....Little kid really wants to GO to school. But Mommy says "I know what is best and you are staying home with me."<br><br>
Why is the first situation okay and the second one is not ??<br><br>
In our ( me and hubby ) opinion...you are the parent...they are the children. YOU make decisions regarding their schooling when they are young. Not all decisions will be met with happiness...but we make those decisions because we know best. At five years old , they can't see the big picture. I can.<br><br>
When they get to be 13-15 and wanna go to school...then their opinions should be weighed heavily.<br><br>
You could also downplay everything they hear about public school. "Oh they just say it's fun to get you there. It's really a bore."<br>
or<br>
"Yuck. Public school isn't any fun at all! They make you sit still at desks all day long and you can't sit with your friends at lunch , you have to sit with your class, and you can't talk when you want , you can't pee when you want , you can't see me whenever you want...even on the prettiest day of the year , public schooled kids have to sit inside."<br><br>
Really up-play homeschooling.<br><br>
Plenty of chances to make friends and hang out when you homeschool. Plenty of chances for them to spread their wings...more so than in public school.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,035 Posts
Jen123--I've thought of this tactic too about really saying that public school sucks, but then I think what if circumstances change and I'm not a happily married SAHM?? I mean my dh could die tomorrow and I'd have to get a job, yk? So I'm a little afraid to do that.<br><br>
I used to bribe the kids to behave when my mom was babysitting or they'd have to go to daycare. Ummm..big mistake! There again, I've made it seem like a horrible thing when someday they may need to go.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
17,896 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>oneotamama</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">and can i just tell him no outright??</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
sure.<br>
I feel PS is a danger to my children. to thier minds, spirits and bodies as well as thier education. I would hesitate to tell her no to other things I deem dangerous. Why this? after all. which one of you has done the research?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,209 Posts
I really think parents need to be proactive in fighting against the "school is cool" brainwashing that pervades society, especially when kids are little. Join groups, interact with older homeschoolers (many of whom will happily explain to your child why school is a bad idea, and the message is often more easily accepted coming from someone just a few years older), find out what activities are often to homeschoolers at various ages... and so on.<br><br>
IME, kids that grow up immersed in homeschoolia rarely decide that they want to go to school at age 5, because they're already firmly rooted in activities and friendships with other homeschoolers.<br><br>
dar
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,801 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lilyka</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">sure.<br>
I feel PS is a danger to my children. to thier minds, spirits and bodies as well as thier education. I would hesitate to tell her no to other things I deem dangerous. Why this? after all. which one of you has done the research?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I totally agree. I think as home educators we have to set a new standard of what is normal or "cool"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
556 Posts
I agree that it's the parents' responsibility to choose well for their children when the children are too young to make such serious decisions, just like teaching healthy eating habits, or whatever. My dd is 6 and has no other homeschooled friends (because almost nobody homeschools here) so she feels like a freak and desperately wants to go to school. She has also said she wants to sit in a class, be taught by a teacher, eat the school food, wear a backpack like everyone else, go to nature school with her class (that's 2 weeks in the woods in the summer) and so on. Doesn't help that everyone around me is telling me (and her) how ignorant and backward she is going to end up, and I admit that some days I have even considered sending her to Montessori or Waldorf school for the lower grades. But in the end I think it's a matter of trusting yourself and your child and really believing in the benefits. All that lovely energy would be crushed in school, no matter what type of school. It has taken time, but DD is slowly coming around to the idea. I just keep playing up all the great perks of staying home that kids in school don't have -- being able to make choices about doing what she wants, when she wants. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
You know, this all really helps. I DO know what's best, and the doubt comes when I wonder if indeed I know what's best, or if I'm fooling myself. I start to get anxious of what I might be depriving my kids, meanwhile, forgetting from what I might be saving them.<br><br>
I haven't had the chance to get them immersed in a homeschool group or many activities yet, because my husband is a student, and I don't yet drive (insurance issues). We're also moving back to Canada in May, so i didn't want them to get too attached to a group and then have to rip them away from it. I did plenty of that when I was young, and I'd rather save my boys from that trauma. This is all meant to illustrate why I think the boys don't know what I'm talking about when I explain to them all about learning at home. All they imagine is a whole lot of normal life. Which I hope is how it feels when they learn. They're just totally buying into all that unrealistic school BS they show in cartoons and talk about in books. It really gets my goat. Sometimes I'll buy a book, and realize halfway into it that they keep on romanticizing school, and by the end, the boys are jumping up and down about it. After all, that's where you get recess all day long, right? Cuz that's the only part they show. And it's where teachers are all wise and fair and super soft and gentle, and everyone is cared for. All conflicts get resolved peacefully and everyone is super excited to go. Every activity is fun and all you do are amazingly cool projects all day long. Then it's recess or lunch time again. I even remember a Clifford episode where Emily-Elizabeth gets sick, and her mom tells her she should stay home today. Emily-Elizabeth's first question is "what about school?" and mom says "{chuckle} don't worry. It'll still be there when you go back."<br><br>
I'm really talking a lot. I appreciate your suggestions, and I'm glad you've bolstered me into standing up and being the one who makes the decisions around here. I'm fine with that in every other facet of this household and parenting, but because I harbour secret insecurities about homeschooling, i vascillate when the kids demonstrate unwillingness here.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,939 Posts
I think most private schools would let your kids (maybe with you too) visit in for a day (I don't know if public schools would allow this or not). Maybe you could try that instead of signing them on for a whole year. Then they could see for themselves that school is *not* what it's portrayed as. Of course you have to make decisions for your family, but you might have a problem if your kids keep thinking of school as "this really cool thing that mom won't let us do."<br><br>
If you don't want to do that or the schools won't let you, maybe you could "play school" with your kids one day--pull them out of bed at the crack of dawn, feed them stale soggy food, have them sit at the table all day without talking or getting up, raise their hands for permission to go to the bathroom, etc. They'll think you've lost your mind! Tell them "this is what school is like. If you go to school, you'll have to do this *every day*"<br><br>
Also, do you talk to your kids about advertising? If so, you could point out that these books, cartoons, etc. are advertising school by trying to convince them it's fun the same as commercials advertise toys, food, etc, trying to convince them that they "need" these things. You might ask them, "if school is really so great, why do they need to advertise it and leave out most of what happens? Why don't they show the boring parts?" etc.<br><br>
Good luck with whatever you decide.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,035 Posts
I guess I'm pretty lucky that the school district that we're in (small town in IA) actually has a homeschool program. They get a certain percentage of money for each student that enrolls; I suppose that's why they're cool about homeschooling!!<br><br>
Anyway, they have a science teacher at this school (only grades K-8 at the school) that is in charge of the hs program. She meets w/hs'ers once per week for science. Then that same day another teacher teaches the hs'ers art. And it's only hs'ers in the classroom.<br><br>
We went to display day for a local group of hs'ers. Got to see their projects/hobbies and it was neat to see that they're actually kind of like a little family. And like a pp said, they get to be close to each other before they're even school age. Very good experience.<br><br>
To the original poster, thank you for this thread. I don't mean to hog it, but I was going to post something very similar. Thanks!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,670 Posts
We don't watch TV, so ds doesn't have a romantisized notion of school. All he knows is that the neighbor kids get on the bus at 8:30a.m. and get off it around 3:45p.m. And starting in 1st grade, they have homework to complete. What a looooong day!<br><br>
My vote is to visit some homeschool group activities - maybe not enough to get really attached since you'll be moving but enough to let the twins realize what else is out there. And buy them backpacks! :LOL<br><br>
You have every right to say NO! Someone else already said it, but how many parents of PS children say they have to go to school whether they want to or not? Why is that acceptable? I'm fortunate that my hs'er doesn't want to go to school, but at 6, I wouldn't let him anyway. When he's 16, if he wants to go, we'll talk about it long and hard...
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,976 Posts
<span></span>
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;"><span>Quote:</span></div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Brigianna</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Maybe you could try that instead of signing them on for a whole year. Then they could see for themselves that school is *not* what it's portrayed as.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<span>When my son was in 1st grade, it became VERY clear to me that I needed to find another situation for 2nd grade! So I started looking around at everything out there. There was one school that was recommended highly, and they said it would be okay to let him sit in on a class for an afternoon to get a feel for it. WELL....I picked him up at the end and asked him what he thought...<br><br>
He said, "Well, she was really mean to the other kids, but she was nice to me. I could tell, though, that she'd be just as mean to me if I went there next year!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
What's funny is the the most nurturing environment I ended up finding was actually at the local public school - and the main problem I saw there was all the chaos in the classroom. Finally decided to start a little private school - which I dreaded. Then one night while I was washing dishes, I got to thinking about a "home school" program people had told me about through the public school - I'd heard they could tell us everything we needed to know about "how to do it." I got to thinking about all the things we could do if he didn't have to go to school. It was like fireworks going off in my head! I was awake all night, and looked over in the morning and told my husband we were going to homeschool. He was stunned, but said ".......o.k........"<br><br>
We enrolled with the little "home school" program, but realized within the first week that they had nothing to tell us about "how to do it." I had a lot more creative ideas, since he had gone to Waldorf kindergarten before 1st grade in the other school, and I'd picked up a lot of ideas. It wasn't long before I realized that my creative ideas were just a pain in the neck. He didn't need to be "taught" - he just needed to have an enthusiastic facilitator to read a lot to him, and provide a rich learning environment and materials. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
EDITED TO ADD: Sorry! Didn't mean to go on and on <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">! As for your question, "Or are all school even like that? is that just my fear talking?," I guess I've been avoiding it. I'm not one who feels schools are necessarily harmful, and I believe in giving children choices and some control about things that are really important to them. I've known some really nice kids who've gone through school and had a perfectly okay time or better. My son did have a friend who had been the type to get into the group trends ever since he was a toddler - always knew what was "in" and what was "out," etc. - and he got into being pretty "cool" for a while during his teen years. He'd just stare at you with no expression when you said something that wasn't cool. His big sister grabbed him one evening, read him the riot act - and he stopped <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">... My son and his friends would refer to certain kinds of trendy behavior as "school kid behavior" but it wasn't a big deal either. I think school is a very mixed bag - and it depends SO very much on what's going on at home! That being said, I don't think 4 year olds have any idea what school is or isn't - so they can't make informed decisions about it. I wish I had some creative ideas to offer on how to handle all this, but I don't - I see that some others have offered ideas, though, and I have a feeling it's all going to work out fine. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> - Lillian<br>
Lillian</span>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,758 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">If you don't want to do that or the schools won't let you, maybe you could "play school" with your kids one day--pull them out of bed at the crack of dawn, feed them stale soggy food, have them sit at the table all day without talking or getting up, raise their hands for permission to go to the bathroom, etc. They'll think you've lost your mind! Tell them "this is what school is like. If you go to school, you'll have to do this *every day*"</td>
</tr></table></div>
I DID THAT !!! LOL<br>
We made it til noon I think.<br>
The kids were told the day before , "tomorrow we will do school at home. You seem to be so bent on going to school , I will show you what it is like".<br>
We had a couple of fun activities that they liked that we did for quite a while afterwards. (like changing the calendar , using felt pieces to tell the weather outside, class story time, finger rhymes , etc)<br>
but by noon they were begging "we don't like this. We want to play outside. It's gorgeous ! The horse is out and we haven't played with him at all today. He's lonely. We wanna ride our bikes too."<br><br>
That one day , about six years ago , has stuck with them ever since.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
160 Posts
QUOTE by Thespina13: <i>"You know, this all really helps. I DO know what's best, and the doubt comes when I wonder if indeed I know what's best, or if I'm fooling myself. I start to get anxious of what I might be depriving my kids, meanwhile, forgetting from what I might be saving them. "</i><br><br>
(I completely messed up the quoting procedure so had to wing it!)<br><br>
This could have been me writing this. Right now DS is 6 going on 7 in October. He is presently going to a rather good Waldorf school. I am seriously considering HS for first grade. <i>But</i> I have such scary doubts about whether or not I'll be ruining his life based on a "dream" I have always had of being a SAHM, doing things with children (only one at the moment) and gardening, being as much of a FARM mom in a city as possible LOL!<br><br>
Our present reality is this - We've been getting up at 6 and racing to be out the door by 7:30 (we are by nature lolligaggers in the morning so it is <i>Painful</i> enforcing the chop-chop attitude to keep everything moving in the morning. I have been working at the school just to barely meet the tuition which is going to rise astronimically next year and then more so by 4th grade. YIKES!! I am drained by the time I can be home with him so what kind of a life is that???!!!<br><br>
So, all this yadda yadda is simply to say that I am getting the feeling that the doubt we experience is par for the course when jumping out of what the big ship "majority of society"is doing.<br><br>
I still don't have the courage to make the leap yet but our contracts are due and so is the money. I'll need to make a decision soon.<br><br>
Have I just hogged the thread???<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"><br><br>
Joyfulliving
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top