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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey folks. I don't know if you remember me. It's been a long time!<br>
I hated breastfeeding my older children. Hated it immensely and dreaded it so much. I resented them and almost hated THEM. It was bad. I am sure i had some major PPD as well!<br>
Anyway, I did it because we couldn't afford to formula feed them. And after a while I didn't mind it so much.<br>
Well we're at that point again. Only now we CAN afford formula and I purposely don't even grocery shop anymore because I know that it will be too tempting to buy some. I know that formula feeding is bad for them and I know that I need to breast feed them. I am just hating it so much. I have four children to take care of now. I have laundry and diapers to wash, meals to prepare, children to school, so many things on my plate. And I am not sleeping because one of them wants to be attached to me all the time and I am just hating it.<br>
I know I can supplement with formula (they have had NO formula, not an ounce, not even in the hospital) but I am afraid that it is too slippery a slope and once I give them that first bottle it'll all be over and I'll stop bfing them.<br>
Also I am pumping all the time because my supply is dropping and I hate pumping as well. I guess I just hate everything right now!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. It sounds like you need a lot of support right now. You have twins? I can't imagine how hard that would be. I hope things get better for you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
All of it. The physical sensation creeps me out. The never ending dependency. Not being able to sleep. Not being able to eat or drink what I want. Not being able to leave the room without someone wanting me.<br>
I want to like it. i really do. I know it's best for them and I want to do it for them. But I just have these major issues. And part of it is probably a mental block as well, I'll admit that. Also nursing twins is just that much worse because it's double everything.<br>
I feel like such a selfish person for feeling this way but I just hate it.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
What do you mean not being able to eat or drink what you want? Are your babies sensitve to something? I have always eaten and drunk whatever I cared to.<br><br>
hope you figure it out. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> to you for doing what's right, even though it sucks sometimes.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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Just wanted to give you props for nursing twins. I have a girlfriend who also had two sets of twins and she said it was very challenging to nurse them (understatement of the year!)<br><br>
You're not selfish. You're a good mama for doing something hard because it's best for your kids. Have you considered some meds for PPD? They can really help, and not much will get in your milk.
 

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First off, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
If you ask me, it sounds more as if this is about being overwhelmed then anything else. It can't be easy to nurse twins, plus all of the work that needs done... It sounds as if even breastfeeding is a chore.<br><br>
My suggestion is, if it is at all possible, take a vacay. I mean a full 24 or more of pampering you. Day spa, camping, road trip, whatever makes you feel like you.<br><br>
Now I'm not saying that this would be a miracle cure for the problem, but it could help improve the outlook, and your outlook seems to be that of overworked...<br><br>
Good luck and I hope you find what works for you.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Wow - you do sound stressed! I can feel my shoulders tightening as a read your post! I can remember vividly the "ick"s sensation I had with my 1st - don't know why I felt that way - and sadly (and regrettably) I quit nursing after 1 week. I really, really wish I had nursed him longer. Especially because I have nursed his sited for years and he knows I didn't nurse him for very long - can you say "guilt"?<br><br>
Both of my aunts had twins and both nursed. Now, that does not mean that they didn't supplement once in awhile - if they didn't they would have gotten NOTHING done - I'm not saying it isn't possible to EBM - but every mom/baby dyad (or triad) is diff.<br><br>
Perhaps you could try to find a way to make it easier? I have never had to watch what I eat - I have a beer/margarita on occasion, I've learned to sleep with a babe attached and on my chest, etc. Have you had contact with La Leche League? I know, in AZ, they actually have a leader who specializes in twins....could be a good place for help/support.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Yeah, I'm stressed.<br>
There are things I can do about it. I know there are. I know I am taking too much on myself.<br>
I can use disposable diapers, which would free up some time (ha, no it wouldn't!), my mom lives next door, she could help out. She DOES help out. But she doesn't know how stressed I am because I am the world's best faker. It's bad, I know. But I just don't know how to ask for help.<br>
Poor Katie knows I am rung out, but not this bad. She handed Nina to me last night and I wanted to punch her. Hard. Very very hard.<br>
I just feel like if I give them formula, I am damaging them in some way. I know it is almost superhuman to EBF twins... I know that. But I did it once (although even I admit that I should have stopped nursing Milo and Owen. I am glad I didn't in hindsight, but the situation with them was far worse) and if I don't do it now it's like saying I love Owen and Milo more than Levi and Nina.<br>
I sleep sitting up with both kids on me, criss crossed. Well, for about 3 hours. The rest of the night I can lie down and be okay. It's between about 3 and 6 that they both want me non stop.<br>
About eating and drinking- Levi has had several yeast infections and UTIs and I have cut out milk (which I love) and wheat (which I love more) to try and see if that helps. It's not working so I am probably going to give it up. Plus whenever I eat eggs Nina has a crying fit the next day, so that's out. I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies and actually eating much healthier. I just want to eat junk again and have some alcohol. I want to sleep for more than 90 minutes without someone crying out for me. I want to have one damn child at a time for once! Why did I have to be super fertile?!<br><br>
Okay, I know this is a lot to do with stress and being overwhelmed and all that. I know it is. Also I am pretty sure that I have some major mental blocks from last time. Old baggage. But also the way it feels makes me want to crawl out of my skin. It doesn't really hurt, it just feels icky. I don't know how to explain it.<br><br>
Thanks for understanding ladies. I am sure that in a few weeks it will all be better. I will not buy that damn formula no matter what, I won't!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TwoSets</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">. But also the way it feels makes me want to crawl out of my skin. It doesn't really hurt, it just feels icky. I don't know how to explain it.</div>
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Actually I know how you feel I think - is it like your skin is crawling and feels like you are going to jump out of it sorta?? Awful feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
I was starting to feel like that for a while during the night. I posted on here and some helpful moms told me that they had that problem when they weren't drinking enough water. I guess having twins that would be even more of an issue!! Why don't you try to keep a liter or quart or something of water by your bed (and anywhere else you commonly nurse) and drink at least 16 oz of it whenever you nurse. I think you are supposed to drink 8 (or is it 16?) oz whenever you nurse anyway.<br><br>
I know it's one more thing to do, but for me that is the difference between having those nice endorphins flowing from BF that make me feel sooooo good - and feeling like I"m goign to go very crazy!<br><br>
I also have heard that a mineral deficiency (not sure which one - sorry) can cause "restless legs" syndrome - which I think is sorta what I feel like. So I make sure to still take my multi vitamin/mineral too - even tho I eat really healthy.<br><br>
I have heard it's ok to have an occasional drink - espec if you wait like 1 hr before BF. Not sure as I don't drink.<br><br>
Another thing you might want to try is hiring a postpartum doula if you have a teeny bit of extra money. Or you could tell your mom how much stress you are really under... I just hired a postpartum doula (they will take care of babies, cook, clean - whatever) for 3 hrs for a friend of mine who had twins - and she has her mom there 5 days per wk all day. Maybe if you did that, the doula could explain to your mom how she could help without you having to tell her how stressed you are.<br><br>
Lots of <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"> to you!!!!!
 

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So sorry that you are in such a tough, tough situation. You mentioned ways to make things easier and brought up and then dismissed the idea of switching to sposies. I was wondering if you really think it would not save time to switch? Not to be a sposie advocate, but if there's a chance it would help it seems to me that sometimes one has to make trade-offs and not do the perfect thing. If you are so stressed out by the BFing that you feel hostile to the kids, and if more time would help, then I think the right thing to do would be to do what saves you time right now. Whether that means sposies or the occasional supplemental formula or whatever. I would think the relationship with the kids & babes would be number one and if that means compromising your principles on some other issues, so be it. Also curious where is DH in all this and any chance he could find ways to step in with the older kids at least?
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>TwoSets</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just want to eat junk again and have some alcohol.</div>
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I may be in a minority here, but I see nothing wrong with a little junk food & a little alcohol when you're doing such Trojan work breastfeeding. In a lot of countries your midwife would tell you to relax with dinner and a beer or a glass of wine. Mine did. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
I say to relax, indulge yourself a little and treat yourself to a junk dinner/snack and a drink when you feel you need it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Re: switching to sposies to save time/energy, and formula feeding<br><br>
You don't have to switch forever, right? If you think it might help (<i>I</i> think it would!) then do it temporarily. You can go back to cloth some time in the future when you're feeling a bit more relaxed.<br><br>
I know it seems like a slippery slope with the formula, but here's my two cents on that issue: breastfeeding was really difficult for me in the beginning, so I told myself at each feeding that I was agreeing to breastfeed my child for <i>this feeding</i> only, not the millions that would come after it. "One day at a time" for nursing mamas, so to speak. So could you think of formula feeding in this way too? As in, I'm going to give formula bottles for <i>this</i> feeding, but I'll re-evaluate at the next feeding, and maybe put them back to the breast then.<br><br>
Or, could you do bottles at night during that hardest time you described, with your DP feeding one baby?<br><br>
You sound like a committed and loving mama. I know you'll figure out how to make this work for you and your babes. Hang in there.
 

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Mama, I'm so sorry you feel like this!<br><br>
Question, could you possibly be ovulating? I started having that icky, crawl out of my skin, run away screaming from my dd when I got AF back.
 

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Could the icky feeling be related to an anxiety or depression problem? Or hunger?<br><br>
My patience for nursing is low if I'm hungry or dehydrated. I know it's hard to find the time to eat and drink with everything you're doing. Could you keep more easy-to-eat but high calorie stuff around? Maybe muffins? And I second the water bottle suggestions.<br><br>
You are doing a great thing for your babies <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> .
 

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(((hugs))) to you mama. I'm nursing twins and a toddler right now. I'm trying to wean the toddler, but its often easier to just nurse her. But anyway, I know how hard it is. I'm lucky and at least I like nursing. I'd like to do it less, but I do like it. I can't imagine how hard it would be when you aren't enjoying it. You are a saint for sticking with it.<br><br>
I'm a die hard cloth advocate, but all 3 of my kids are in sposies right now. You really don't have to carry the world on your shoulders. Give yourself a break how ever you can. Prioritize. I put bfing far above diapers, so I chose to ditch the cloth for now. I like a clean and tidy home, but I choose to let some things go. I homeschool, but I choose unschooling - for many reasons, but it happens to be pretty low stress. If you use lesson plans, try letting it go for awhile. Your older boys are very young, so its not like they need a ton of table work right now.<br><br>
I hope you can manage to get some help and or let some things go. Having four kids with 1 or 2 sets of twins is HARD. You must be good to yourself for YOU and your babies. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. I have never enjoyed breastfeeding, and sometimes I really do hate doing it! I sometimes feel like something must be wrong with me sometimes, because a lot of other moms seem to enjoy it so much. I nursed my first child till she was 17 months old, and am nursing my 3 month old right now. The only thing that kept me going was knowing all the good things I was giving them! I also went to LLL, and that helps so much. Having a support system is so important! I hope you do well!
 

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Having twins is beyond hard . . . and breastfeeding them -- especially that first six months or so -- is just plain insanity. Having had one set, I can't imagine having another with older kids around to take care of too.<br><br>
Neither of mine would take a bottle, and they were both high frequency nursers. I almost lost my mind. (I finally realized I had ppd and went on Zoloft when they were around 4 or 5 months and that really helped.) I really feel for what you're describing you're going through.<br><br>
Get as much help as you can beg for or afford, even a young teen can come and play/supervise your other kids or cook dinner for your family. Tell your mom exactly what you need her to do. (My mom would take the babies for a walk - some times even 15 minutes without them crying in the house did a lot of good for my nerves.)<br><br>
And as pp's have suggested, try a LLL meeting - I found that one of my local leaders was a mom of twins and sometimes I would call her on the verge of tears and feel so much better after we had talked on the phone.<br><br>
Good luck (and check out the parenting multiples board too - those moms have been through it all and have some great ideas!)<br><br>
And I forgot . . . I definately had a little wine now and then (when I didn't think it would flatten me out in light of sleep deprivation) - go for it if it would feel like a treat for you.
 

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This may sound really stupid but go to the supermarket YOURSELF. Get a babysitter or your mom to watch the kids and get out and browse the aisles casually and shop without stress. You'll feel so good after <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> .<br><br>
Hugs to you, two sets of twins must be so challenging!
 

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I am a HUGE breast feeding pro-ponant, but more important than 100% breastmilk, is a LOVING MOTHER!!!!!!!!<br><br>
You really need to sit down with your dh, mother, pediatrician (?), or counselor and talk out a workable solution. YOU NEED A BREAK!!<br><br>
You may also need vitamins. I was MEAN when I forgot to take them for a couple weeks, and my legs HURT. I am much nicer when I take my prenatals.<br><br>
Please don't feel bad, we all need to make choices to make life do-able. SOme of us have harder choices.
 
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