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Discussion Starter #1
Because someone filed a claim that I was "beating the hell out of my kid in the back seat".<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
1) I don't beat my children plain and simple<br><br>
2) I did stop my car in an apartment complex parking lot because my 2 year old has figured out how to get her arms free from her car seat. When I got out to get her back into her carseat I suppose it could have looked like I was doing something to her, but how anyone would know what I was doing bent halfway over with my big butt sticking out the door trying to fix her straps so that she wouldn't free herself, I have no clue. As I was leaving, I noticed a car sitting there that I had to go around to leave (which I was annoyed by) and I am guessing that they followed me in and are the ones that reported me.<br><br>
While I know that I didn't do anything wrong, I am still feeling sick and on the verge of tears. The cop seemed very nice and apologetic for having to come to my house at <b>9:30 p.m.</b> , but I am still completely paranoid. He wanted to see her, even though she was asleep to see if she was damaged. I brought her down for him to look at, and he seemed satisfied that she was fine.<br><br>
But my back porch is a mess, my lawn needs to be cut and there are dirty dishes in the kitchen sink.<br><br>
Nothing scares me more than cops and CPS on my doorstep. And I don't know what I am looking for in posting this. I guess I am just really a little freaked out.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I understand your fear...glad it is all over & went well! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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wow! so sorry - that would freak me out too. sounds like the cop was convinced tho so no worries. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Wow! You had to wake her and bring her down? He couldn't just tip toe into her room and peek at her?!!!<br><br>
That would leave me pretty freaked out as well!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I truely hope so. But as a survivor of the CPS system (someone accused my SF of neglecting my brother while my SF and my mother were separated...nothing could have been farther from the truth, but it did mean multiple visits from a case worker over a 2 year period), I cannot help but feel a lot of emotions associated with even the accusation that I might be hurting my babies.<br><br>
And the horror stories I hear here and in other places doesn't help.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>gretasmommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7944363"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Wow! You had to wake her and bring her down? He couldn't just tip toe into her room and peek at her?!!!<br><br>
That would leave me pretty freaked out as well!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"></div>
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Well, I didn't want him in my currently under renovation house (we are painting the living room and have tarps up and furniture evrywhere) to look at my baby sleeping in my bed (since we co-sleep). She didn't actually even wake up...slept through it.
 

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How awful for you! I had an incident in the car too one day and thought for sure someone was going to report me for how bad it must have looked, but luckily no one came to me door!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br><br>
Tracy
 

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Hugs to you! Man- I can understand how you feel. Would freak me out, too and make me feel angry and scared that our personal lives can be so violated. Maybe looking at it from a different view point will help. At least there are people out there who are willing to report what they 'think' looks not right is a good thing for those kids actually living in abusive families and do need help. Granted with you it was a HUGE mistake, but the next car might actually be someone out of control!
 

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Discussion Starter #9
We did try and frame it that way with the police officer (dh was the one who opened the door). I am glad there are people out there that want to protect children. But be sure of what you are seeing before you take the leap that someone is being destructive. I am hoping that it doesn't go any farther and that the police write it off as a mistake. But I cannot help but feel intruded upon, paranoid and angry.<br><br>
I didn't sleep at all last night thinking about it.
 

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No doubt you couldn't sleep! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Hope you're able to get over this quickly, I'd be shook up a while! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I agree. It's good that there are people who will speak up- but they should ABSOLUTLY be sure of what they are seeing first! It isn't fair to put someone through what you are going through now for taking CARE of your child. Hang in there. Hopefully they have already written it off as a mistake.
 

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On the other side - my DH and I once called the police about something similar. We were at a restaurant and there was a father repeatedly yelling (well, that hushed yelling - not loudly, but angrily) at his son, then he took the boy into the restroom where it sounded like he was beating him. Since we couldn't see, we weren't sure that was what was going on. The whole restaurant was sitting there kind of stunned looking, I am sure everyone was sitting there thinking they should do something, but not sure what. After we left the restraurant, we couldn't stop feeling like we should have done something to help this boy who sounded like he was getting beaten, so we stopped at a payphone and called the police asking them to check on the child.<br><br><br>
I am glad the person who called about you was wrong and I am sorry that you had to go through that. I certainly hope that was the end of the matter for your family. But I am glad someone was acting on behalf a child they thought was in danger.
 

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I cannot imagine calling CPS on someone for something that I did not SPECIFICALLY witness. The far reaching implications of this sort of thing are unending. Maybe that makes me a terrible person, but I would never call the cops or cps in either of those situations (watching a mother bending over a screaming child, or hearing a child screaming in a bathroom) My son is 12, and if I dragged him into a private area and told him we were taking away all of his video games and tv privledges and not allowing him to play with his friends for the next week because of his behavior, his reaction would be very much like someone being beaten. My DD is 18 mos old and her biggest screams ever are when she does not get her way. They are BLOODCURDLING. It took me over a month to realize she wasnt hurt when she screamed that way because it was so distressing. when she wiggles her arms out of her carseat harness and I have to physically put them back in, the reaction is nothing less than mimicing torture.<br><br>
If I see something distressing, I generally ask them if their child is ok, or otherwise involve myself. But I would be incredibly hesitant to involve CPS without 100% proof. I guess its just a side effect of having a very difficult and disabled child (my son) and having been under the microscope more often than I care to count because people thought that his problems meant I was a bad parent.
 

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I think you have to look at every situation to determine what you would do. It is horrible that people are wrongly accused or abuse or neglect but people have to speak up for children when they think something is wrong. When I was younger we lived next door to a woman who would scream at her children constantly. Those children were so damaged by her. My mother tried to talk with her in a nice way to see if they needed help with anything but the woman freaked out on her. Not long after we called CPS, the woman was in fact severely abusing her kids. Their grandmother came to the rescue but she had to bring the police with her to get them, it was really horrible.
 

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I think it depends on the situation too. I am glad the OP had things work out fine for her!<br><br>
I had an incident a few weeks ago. I was leaving Trader Joes and the kids were each in their car seats and I was getting into my seat, when I saw a guy walking very fast/running out of the store carrying a girl about 3 or 4. She was screaming "I want my mommy!!!! NOOOO I want my mommmeeeee!!!" I watched him get her in a car with a car seat and get her in her seat was a challenge. I drove casually over to the car and I happend to have my digatal camera too. She was still screaming but he was in no hurry to leave, so it was at this point probabley fine. I snapped a quick pic of his plate and car just in case. Then I circled the parking lot and watched him drive up to the door of Trader Joes. He stopped parkd near the door and helpd his wife get the groceries in the car. I went on and later deleted the pic. But I wasnt sure if he snatchd her or what. The little girl was probabley just having a meltdown or they were just getting the car and it was easier to just bring her with but that scream sent a chill up my spine that day. I think if the story worked out different, I would have called 911 and gotten an amber alert going...
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I do understand the desire to ensure childrens' safety. I contend however, that if the person (people) that reported me had just asked what was going on, I would have told them. They could have shouted it across the parking lot if they were scared of me. I probably would have been wary and perhaps annoyed, but it would have been clear that I wasn't hurting my child, just trying to get her back into her carseat properly and re-arranging the other kids to make sure someone was sitting right next to her in the car to keep her from freeing her arms again. It was a warm day and with my car door open and their window open, it was likely easy to hear my child protesting (loudly) having to keep her arms in the straps. I don't doubt that that they may have made an honest mistake, but when it comes to calling the police/CPS I would never do so unless I was absolutely sure of what was going on. I would never put another family through what I have been feeling for the past 20 hours without knowing.<br><br>
And frankly, I don't know what, if anything will happen next. I was too fluster and shellshocked to ask if it was over or if he had to report the accusation to CPS. I didn't even get his name/badge number. So, I could still get another visit. And while I have nothing to hide, and an investigation would likely lead to nothing, I don't want a file with my name on it in anyone's office.<br><br>
As for the father that took there child to the bathroom, I would have asked DH to go check on them. A walk-in (if it was a multi-seater) or a knock on the door (if it was a single) could have gleened what was happening and could have determined if a call to the police was warrented.
 

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Maybe you can call the police station- tell them what happened and the stress effect it is having on you and ask them if you should expect any further action? Maybe that wouldn't work? I don't know- it's a thought. Do you know anyone on the police force through someone else?
 

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Discussion Starter #18
I do know a few officers locally, but I don't know what department (city, twn'ship, county) the officer who visited me was from, so I cannot follow-up specifically on my call. If/when I see one of the people I know I might ask them what they think.<br><br>
I did email my sister who is a state trooper in another part of the state to ask her what she thought would happen next...she hasn't responded yet. I sort of forgot about her until last night <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I had something similar but more immediate happen to me when DD was a baby (under 1 1/2 yr). I was walking down a street with a 45mph speed limit (cars whizzing by) with DD strapped to my back in the Kozy Carrier, asleep.<br><br>
Some PERSON called the cops, and I was pulled over (did you know you can get pulled over on foot? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) and the cop said someone had called concerned about my baby and was she okay?<br><br>
I told him she was fast asleep, I could feel her breathing against my back, and look, her little head is slathered in sunscreen (it was a hot, sunny desert day). He drove off, no worries. Of course, he never had my information.<br><br>
Most likely the buck will stop with the cop. He was checking specifically if it looked like your kid got beaten, and likely couldn't care less about what your home looked like. They have better things to do than get tangled up in CPS paperwork. Like pursue actual crimes.
 
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