[readytobedone]

my DD is still young, 19 months today

:

we are on a CLW path. lately her nursing has been decreasing--not drastically, but enough that sometimes i offer and she says "no" (she also just learned to say no, which may have something to do with it!!!).

i WOH, but she'll go 5-8 hours sometimes even when we're together with no interest, if we're busy. and she doesn't want to nurse down to sleep anymore. we nurse and then lie together. or DH puts her to bed by lying down with her.

i guess i feel sad when i think it is leading up to weaning. i don't mind the decreased nursing--it's actually nice that DH has no reason to think she prefers me at bedtime!)--but i'm not ready for her to wean all the way yet!

she is still nursing 4-5 times a day at least (sometimes much more if she's sick or does her 894 night nursings which sometimes happens!), so i have no reason to think she'll wean any time really soon. but i guess i just never thought about the fact that she might wean before i am ready. and now i feel slightly panicked

so, is it normal that i feel like this? i'm not one of those "weird" mamas who's selfishly "addicted" to nursing?

and normally, does CL weaning kind of happen when both parties are ready? does it feel natural and mutual (not to say it's still not bittersweet)?

thanks, mamas! i love having a place i can come to talk about this.

 

[Swandira]

I can only talk about my own experiences, of course. My first baby weaned himself right around five years old. I wasn't sad at all at that point; I was proud of him. His little sister was still nursing, and in fact was nursing regularly until about three or four weeks ago. I'm 38 1/2 weeks pregnant with my third baby, and I'm afraid my 2-year-old may have weaned herself because of the colostrum and because of her inability to latch correctly at this point. I'm hoping an LC will be able to help me get her back on the boob when my milk comes in after birth, but trying to accept the possibility that she may have prematurely weaned because of my "oops" pregnancy. So, yeah, I may be sad about this semi-CLW experience, because it may have happened before I expected it, but what can we really do? We can't make them nurse if they really don't want to.

And I agree that it sounds like your baby is nowhere near weaning yet. My sister is a WOH mama, and she wound up mother-led weaning her baby at 24 months, even though she was nursing less than your baby is now for many months. They're really attached to the idea of nursing in most cases.

 

[SereneBabe]

Also just my own experience, but, my almost 5.5 year old will be done on December 20. I was feeling *totally* ready for the past couple months (I'm pregnant, and nursing usually hurts now). But since the day is coming so soon, I'm very ambivalent. It's going to take a lot of courage, strength, acceptance, grief, all on my part. I've been trying to comfort myself with "it is change, it's not loss..."

In any case, I know it's the right thing for us. She's as ready as she can be. It's amazing watching her swing from acceptance to rejection. We're on the same page.

Anyway, I couldn't imagine being ready to be done (long after most everyone I know stopped nursing). And, it's here.

 

[NoraB]

I didn't feel a wish for DD to wean until some time after DS was born. Then, honestly, her nursing began to feel like an imposition to me. I'm not proud of that, but it's the truth. When she self-weaned at 5 (about 2 years after DS was born), I was beyond ready. I couldn't have imagined feeling that way when she was even 3 or so. I still really enjoyed nursing her then. That's not to say that I didn't like nursing her at all after DS was born, but I did feel a strong internal change. I just felt ready to be done. I wish I hadn't been so impatient about it. I wasn't impatient about it all the time, but enough that I wish I could go back and just have been more respectful of DD's timetable. DD has alwasy been slow to transition on major issues. In the end, I did stay commited to CLW...though my impatience may have pushed DD in that direction *sigh* more than if I'd been completely impatient w/ her.

Anyway, all rambling aside, I think that often the mother's feelings end up coinciding w/ the child's own readiness. That is, when the child is ready to wean, so is the mother. There's nothing wrong w/ enjoying nursing an older toddler or child or even not being ready to wean. It's not "sick" or mean that you're "addicted" to nursing. It's a natural reflection, IMO, of the mother's bond w/ the child. I think that, if we take the time to enjoy each age and stage as much as possible while it happens, we will make the transitions so much more easily. I feel like I've tried to do that w/ my kids and I don't really have any grieving for earlier ages or stages as they grow. When DD got really interested in Daddy instead of being my velcro baby, it felt like a natural change for me. Some of my friends were so choked up about it, but I felt like "Okay, it's time for her to move on." I am not naturally patient, so I do have to remind myself all the time to not wish my kids would grow up faster for my convience. I always have to tell myself to slow down and enjoy each moment, even if the particular stage is very challenging.

 

[SereneBabe]

Nora, I loved reading your post. It's been so hard knowing that we'll be done nursing soon and we both have feelings pro- and con- about it.

I know in my heart that she needs me to be firm about it. Be the strong one for us. But, this is the only forum where I'd talk about that. Most places would think it silly that I'm respecting her own needs in this so much, "she's 5.5, she'll survive!" etc. is what I usually hear.

I think I've written this before in here, but, while my Mother wasn't an ideal mother (is there such a thing?), she has one bit of parenting advice I always follow. "Never do anything that makes you not like your kids."

Of course, we always love them. But, we need to avoid resentments at all costs. Does this make sense?

So, again, to the original poster, there will come a time. But, like Nora said, it's been my experience that those of us who are CLW'ers tend to be ready when our children are. It works out nicely that way.

--Heather