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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>she's 3.5 years old and i'm not too sure what all she can comprehend at this age.   also, i just gave birth to our second rainbow baby and i don't want my older dd to be worried that her sis will die, too.  our dog died a few months ago and ever since my dd talks quite a bit about death.  we are very open about it, we talk about our dog all the time (still).  we are not religious but are spiritual.  as for me, i believe my son's energy exists as a free spirit.  but that won't make sense to my dd.  </p>
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<p>we have a tree for our son and every year we hang healing cranes on his birthday, december 18th.  i want to hang the cranes with my dd this year after we talk about him.  i'd like to keep it "light" - for my sake, too, don't want to be a balling mess in front of my girl - though i think some tears are okay, too.  i know as she gets older she will be able to understand more.</p>
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<p>so any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!</p>
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<p>When our son died we got the book "we were gonna have a baby but we had an angel instead" it is an awesome book adn they have one that would work for you although I haven't read it, it looks great. <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fdp%2F0972424156%2F%3Ftag%3Dgooghydr-20%26hvadid%3D3145524161%26ref%3Dpd_sl_28yqdvt4qy_e" rel="norewrite" target="_blank">Here</a> it is.</p>
<p>Hope that helps.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<p>thanks, i'll check it out.  </p>
 

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<p>We haven't had one talk, it's been a continual conversation for us with our DD, it's just as she's gotten older, she asks more questions and the chats become more detailed.</p>
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<p>In our family, we knew that we never wanted her to grow up not knowing about her sister and us bringing it up on her one day, so it's been a gradual thing. We have pictures of her at her sister's grave from when she was a baby. She's been out there every Christmas, every Mother's Day, and at her sister's birthday...until we moved and then we had to find ways to remember her that didn't involve going to the cemetery.</p>
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<p>We've basically taken the approach that nothing is off limits and we answer every question that she has the best we can. And yes, sometimes that's hard...especially as our DD has gotten older and can ask things like, "Why did my sister have to die?" "What happens after we die?" all that kind of stuff.</p>
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<p>And then just seemingly innocuous situations sometimes create questions that are totally unexpected. When my DD lost her first tooth, she asked, "How many teeth did my sister have?" </p>
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<p>I do my best to keep it light, conversational, straightforward...in terms and explanations at her level. </p>
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<p>As she's gotten older, she's taken more of a role (at her own initiative) in remembering her sister. She asked to bake a cake for her birthday this year and helped pick out the candles for her sister this past Christmas.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<p>thank you japonica.  the morning of our son's birthday, my dd and i lit candles and later in the day we all went out to hang cranes on his tree.  we all said "happy birthday clovis!"  and my dd hasn't really asked any questions.  i'm sure she will on her own time and we will do our best to let her know all about her big brother.  i feel so much better about it all and i'm excited to share my son with his little sisters. </p>
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<p>i love it that your daughter wanted to do those sweet things for her sis!</p>
 

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<p>We were expecting a bouncing baby boy when DD was around 3.5 years old.  Unfortunately, he was stillborn at 29.5 weeks gestation.  You'd be amazed at what these sweet children comprehend.  The hospital gave us the We were expecting a baby, but had an angel instead book too.  We read it a few times to her.  She is now 5.5 years old, and she still remembers her baby Calvin.  Sometimes, out of the blue, she will tell us how sad she is, and how much she misses her brother.  We tell her that we miss him too, and if it makes her feel better, that we can release a balloon to him.  She really liked that idea, so whenever she's sad, she's asked to give a balloon to him.  We done this a few times.  She still talks about him quite often, and just recently asked me if baby Calvin was in Angel school, and if he was on holidays. </p>
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<p>Also, she never lets us forget about baby Calvin.  If we say that we have 5 people in our family, she will be the first to point out that we did not count baby Calvin.  Or, if we say we have 3 girls and 2 boys in our family, again, she will point out that we did not include Calvin.</p>
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<p>i love that.  </p>
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<p>i have a few good friends whose kids were about 2.5 - 3 when they're brothers died just after birth.  they love to talk about them and i love to talk about them with them!  </p>
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<p>in my case, my son was my firstborn so my dd didn't get the chance to experience the pregnancy or the birth with him.  in a way, she doesn't have that "tangible" baby, so it seems a bit more elusive for her.  but, we have pictures for when she's ready to see him.  she still asks me if her sis is going to die.</p>
 
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