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<p>i miss her so much.  </p>
<p>i really wish i had just let nature take its course.  i think it would be easier to deal with if i could have been conscious for the moment when i went from being pregnant to being not pregnant.  i would have wanted to bury the baby.  instead of have her put in a sample jar and sent off to god knows where.  at the time, i just wanted the pain to stop, and when they told me they needed to do a D&C, i signed the consent just to try to make it stop.  now it just feels so wrong.  i've had two c-sections, and have always wanted a natural birth.  and i couldn't even have a natural miscarriage.</p>
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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> Please don't beat yourself up over choices you made in a state of grief and pain, it's not fair to you, mama; you did your best. I am so sorry that you are not only missing your baby but also feeling that you lost something in her birth</span><span><img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif">.</span> <span><img alt="candle.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/candle.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="width:41px;height:25px;"></span>  I'm sorry you're feeling this way. </p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"></span></p>
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<p>Please don't beat yourself up over this.</p>
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<p>No matter how it goes, it is all so hard.  If you needed it, you needed it.  But even if you didn't, you were in a tremendously vulnerable position and you cannot fault yourself for agreeing to it.</p>
 

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<p>I think that guilt is an inevitable stage of the grief process, but it is a guilt that you can hopefully let go of in time because you know it's unfounded. We do what we have to do at the time, and even if we made all the right choices the grief would still be there, it's just a different kind of heartbreak.</p>
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<p>I do sympathise with the added sense of loss that comes with D&C.</p>
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<p>Don't beat yourself up.  I'm so sorry you feel like this. <img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></p>
 

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<p>Keep in mind that if the professionals thought you were able to have it happen naturally they would have told you that was best.  </p>
<p>I have had two in the last 4 months one at 12 weeks and the other at 6 weeks.  First one resulted in a D&C and the second was natural.</p>
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<p>Neither one is easier than the other.  It all depends on what the body can do at that time and how far along you are.  Leaving the body to do it naturally can cause infection, etc. which would be awful.</p>
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<p>So, in my opinion that is why they suggested a D&C.  Be glad you didn't wait.  You did what was best for your body too.</p>
 

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<p>You did what you had to at the time. Don't beat yourself up over it. I find it extremely hard to heal and move on when you're  holding on to regret. If you cannot convince yourself it was what you had to do at the time, at least forgive yourself. I think it's the only way to move on.</p>
 
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