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Hey all,<br><br>
So, I feel I really need to share my bith story becos it was not quite like how I had wanted nor imagined it to go and at times i'm a bit bitter over it...and frankly...if my husband and I ever decide to have more kids this experience will definetly color my perceptions of childbirth because im so scared I might someday have to go through this again! Hence...im really glad I can share this becos hopefully it'll help me to just *let it out* and move on...*breath*.<br><br>
NE way...<br><br>
Ive always been afraid of childbirth, you know, growing up you hear the horror stories of the pain, you see on TV the images of women screaming...basically...giving birth scared me big time.<br>
and I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I expressed this fear to some friends of mine and they suggested a number of books, one of which was Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth, I read it and it became a source of reassurance that birth doesnt hafta be scary and painful. So from the beginning I was gearing myself up for a natural birth, i practiced breathing techniques and kept myself in really good shape physically in preparation for eventually giving birth au naturale. I had wanted a home birth, but my mom (*not my husband) being a worry wort was like...no way, how dangerous is that...so i listened to her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: and decided on doing it either with midwives in the local womens hospital or midwives in the local birthing center...I *wanted* the BC soo badly...BUT the BC, unlike said hospital isnt a 15minute walk from our apt...but a 30min busride and I figured...i really dont wanan be stuck taking a bus in the middle of winter at 9months pregnant. ya know. So I decided on the midwives at the hospital, but everyon gave them rave reviews so I felt *secure*...They are wonderful ladies and I totally adore them all...its just being inside a hospital was NOT what I wanted.<br><br>
I also wanted a doula who could coach me on the whole birthing process and get my mentally and physically ready. Well, being broke students I couldnt afford a certified one, but a friend of mine introduced me to her friend who was a doula in training <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> ...and we hit it right off, she came by every week and told me about birth and I got to read her books on child birth and how squatting is the most logical thing in the world...etc etc. NE way to make a long story short...she was a incredible help!<br><br>
So fast forward...I was due Dec 28th and I had suddenly got big that last month-up until nov people couldnt even tell I was pregnant and pregnancy didnt slow me down, i was still running to class and everything. And all my friends who had had kids thought i was a nutter for wanting to do it without pain meds and not in a bed. heh<br><br>
A week before my due date I started to get these intense contractions, not quite the intensity of full on labor but pretty close...i was excited that maybe just maybe I was finally going to give birth-the swelling, indigestion and general incapacity this large baby was causing me was rather irritating...PLUS, I was praying every night I would deliver soon becos even though I was going through the midwives and NOT a doctor, i still knew if I wasnt in labor by a certain date id hafta be induced...and that scared me horribly...OR, even worse...a c-section!!! I was scared of a c-section...basically i felt like I had this time line I had to deliver by *or else*...I just wanted to be able to deliver when the baby felt the need to come out (within reason), not when a hospital says I *must* (your 1 day overdue...heres the pitocin!)<br><br>
I also found out I had tested positive for GBS and would need an IV...This brought home the reality that I wouldnt be "cordless" for my labor and would be stuck with a hepa lock in my arm...I was upset becos it would probably impaire my ability to move as I wanted and to soak or shower during labor.<br><br>
Things were rapidly turning out *NOT* the way I had imagined or wanted...my decision to do a hospital birth was coming back to bite me in the butt. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
So...day by day the contractions would intensify...for 3 weeks I was having false labor. YUP...Id get these incredibly intense contractions where I could barely talk, id have to breath my way through them and more than once I would have to stop whatever I was doing and squat on the floor or as my husband to hold me tightly. These were the real deal...BUT, they wouldnt last...id get them for 2 hrs and they would be 2min apart, 5 min apart, 10 mins apart, 1 min apart...very spastic and then go away. FOR 3 weeks!!!!!!!<br>
Every night id go to bed upset and angry with myself over why I couldnt stay in labor...with the spector of a pit induction or c-section dancing in my head, every morning id wake up hopeful id go into labor and stay in labor. More than once i was woken frm my nighttime sleeping bliss and be in real labor...then after 2 hrs it would stop...<br>
To say it was frustrating & extremely disheartening wouldnt cover half of it.<br><br>
So my due date came...and i went in for a fetal heart check and everything and everything was good but just...no real labor...so the midwife sat down with me and we had a heart to heart and discussed the real possibility of maybe having to be induced.<br>
I was not very happy after that discussion...so basically if I ddint go into labor by myself within 1 week...the pit I would get. I went home and cried to my husband and my doula. I had been trying *everything* to jump start labor and nothing worked... During this time I was also dialatings and effacing and by the time I finally went into have my son I had halfway dialated and almost totally effaced.<br><br>
finally my last week I was just angry and numb...angry at my body for not starting labor and angry with my hospital for putting a time limit on my body.<br>
And numb becos I was gradually adjusting to the probability my birthing experience wouldnt be as I had dreamed it would be! Althought I was still determined to NOT accept pain meds...for 2 reasons, im scared of needles and when I become determined to do something, NOTHING save hell or high water can sway my conviction...I was determined to not get anything even if I was going to be induced.<br><br>
So...a few days later (not a week but like 3 days), I go in for a normal check...fetal heart beat, ultra sound, etc etc check and the ultrasound tech. tells me im leaking fluid of I dont have much fluid around the baby...my water hadnt broke so it was really weird...where did the fluid go? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br>
I see the midwife and shes like...there isnt enough fluid around the baby, i dont think its safe for the pregnancy to continue and you need to be induced...THEN she wanted me to stay in the hospital, and right then and there go in for my induction.<br>
I was like...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br>
Um No way! I had been at the hospital for 5 hrs (all the tests were backed up), I was starving, I was dirty, didnt have anything with my, my doula was at work and my husband was in class.<br>
So I was like, cant i come back tommorow morning...if its inevitable and so she was like, okay tommorow then and wrote my a note telling me to eat a big dinner and b-fast and get alot of sleep. hehehehe<br>
-See the midwives r very nice, if they ahd been obstratricians i know i wouldnt of been given the extra day-<br><br>
So I call my husband after his class was over and he gets our car and picks me up and i tell him...lets go get lunch becos this will be our last lunch just us two (something like that) and he was like WOW...and we went ad got a really nice lunch-well, dinner...by this time it was 4pm.<br>
I go home and call everybody and get myself ready and make sure I have enough protein drinks and protein bars and granola stocked up...and forget sleeping...i was too busy asking God to let me go into labor naturally right now! Oh and did I get any contractions that night...nope!<br><br>
So next day we go in at 11am-should of been there at 9am but I was too busy eating my steak and potatoe and veggies left over from our gigantic lunch/dinner we ate last night...so we took our time and left. The midwives assured me I could drink as I choose and, they didnt say it outright but implied it that it would be *ok* to eat...as long as the nurses didnt see..Becos I was NOT going to be starving pushing this baby out. No way! muahahah...so we get to the delivery ward and i ask the nurse for some water and shes like...um you cant drink nothing unless your midwife tels us its OK. I was like!!!!!!!!! *ohhh shizer, what have i gotten myself into!!!!!!!-like heck im not going to drink any water*<br><br>
So Im placed in the room...which btw the birthing rooms were actually really nice, big suites with a big bed, sofa and various birthing paraphenalia and other stuff, my mom and doula arrive and we discuss what im going to do to relieve the pain from the contractions.<br><br>
**wow...this is getting long...im sorry!**<br><br>
So these nurses came in who were really sweet and they did a fetal heart minitor and went to put the hepa lock in-now im scared of needles...i hate them..it took them 3 tries!!! They would stick it in, my vein would disappear, they would take it out, try some place else...this took 2 hrs!!! finally after the 2nd try i couldt take it and needed 15minutes to calm down...they tried a 3rd time and no luck so they finally called an asthetician who did it before I could even blink and say hi! (um why didnt they call one in earlier??) So I get the antibiotics and they start me on the pit drip and I told everyone, im going to be be outta here with my baby by 7pm..., but this time it was 3pm and still no midwife and still no hardcore contractions just piddly ones...not even as intense the ones I had at home. I was also hooked up to the fetal heart minitor at ALL times which really really was uncool...even to go to the bathroom I had to call a nurse to unhook the monitor...it made doing anything really a horrible time and I felt like...i wont be able to labor how I want, i'll be stuck in this stupid bed! Finally the midwife comes and it wasnt the one I wanted to delliver my son, i like her but I wanted one of the 2 older midwives to deliver my son...honestly, i think thats why I didnt go into labor that evening, i didnt wnat her to deliver my son. Mind over matter sorta thing...so, I get the midwife to put me on the monitor that is wireless so me and the doula could go and walk and hopefully get the contractions going...so its like 9pm and we did like 7 fast laps around the birthing ward, much to the chagrin of the nurses and families of the other women who would watch us whiz by...me pulling a drip behind me. Still nothing, so we settle down for the night. I tell my ever so nervous husband to go home and sleep, my mom falls asleep on the sofa, my doula in the rocking chair next to me...and me in the bed...<br><br>
All night nurses would come in and out, check the monitor, check me...everything...arund 2am the midwife comes in and tells me they r turning the pit off, in hopes it might jumpstart my labor naturally.<br><br>
Next morning the midwife I wanted to deliver my son is there and she bops by and "takes over" the scene, much to my relief and gets me unhooked so I could take a shower and freshen up...The pit was left off and she said they would wait till around noon, if my water didnt break by then they would break it and turn the pit on at its lowest level in hopes things would *start*...During the night and morning I had had heavier, more intense contractions but they didnt bother me and though i was dialating and everything I still wasnt in active labor. Anytime nurse came by and saw the strength of my contractions on the screen and how I was just sitting on the rocking chair or in bed chilling she'd be like...do you want a epidural? How is the pain? blah blah and id be like...im fine...but theyd always give me this *your crazy* look...hahahhaa...but I was adament about not wanting anything plus I think the 3 weeks of intense contractions sorta habituated me to the pain so it didnt bother me too much. They'd come, id breath and focus and they'd go.<br><br>
So...at noon...still no active labor so the midwife suggested my water be broken...and i asked my mom and doula to leave (im uberly modest) and 2 nurses grab my leg and the midwife breaks it...I REALLY felt traumatized after this becos the midwife KNEW I am very shy and modest about this stuff and yet I had 2 nurses holding my legs looking down at my genitals and another in the background looking too. Did NOT like that at all. The pit was turned back on and I conked out for 2 hrs...FINALLY...the contractions woke me from my sleep and they were the REAL KIND.<br><br>
My husband was at home having lunch and my mom was asleep and doula was taking a break...so I laid in the bed for some time breathing, feeling the contractions...dare I say, relishing the pain (yes im weird) and once they got stronger I moved to the rocking chair and just rocked...it really soothed the pain...and I breathed and mentally prepared myself for what was to come. I woke my mom up and my doula came back and I hurridly chugged like 2 protein drinks and a protein bar to keep my energy up and I told my mom that nows the time t get lunch before things get really intense...so i just sat there and rocked on the chair for like 2 hrs. It was 4pm and my husband had come back and finally they dont REALLY REALLY intense and I just had to move around. I dont remember exactly how everything went but I know I ended up basically kneeling on the cold, hard floor, draped over the sofa with my husband on my one side and my doula on the other and 2 rubber balls in my hands i mangeled (literally...they r flat to this day!). I hated how intense and fast the contractions would come on, it felt like a roller coaster ride and I wouldnt budge from that spot either...my midwife tried to get me to squat and coached me on breathing by squatting felt too unsecure so I just knelt. We'd count through every contraction, 1, 2, 3 by 8 it would peak and it would be frighteningly intense and id wish it would be all over, id squoosh the ball and then by 10 id feel it going down and then at 15 id get a break...id usually callopse on the floor and rest for a few seconds or minutes-i donno how long but it felt like seconds then another and another and another and another...there was no break. During this time I was kinda in a daze, I dont even remember the nurses readjusting my belts but I know it irritated me becos i was trying to focus on breathing through the intense contarctions and they'd be fiddling with the belts. So they got more intense and my doula suggested I try to birthing ball or squatting on the floor i tried all but none were comfortable and i went back to kneeling on the floor draped over the sofa, i dropped one of the balls during one of the contractions and ended up squeezing my husbands arm...he had a gigantic bruise the next day where I squeeze him. hehehe. The doula was joking like, Thank God I got those balls for your wife...eh...or else you'd have bruises all over you!<br>
They got more and more intense and closer together...id be soo exhausted between each i could barely move, i tried to drink a little water and those protein drinks to keep up my strength and basically I just knelt there breathing and squeezing, eventually they got so intense I had to have my husband hug me with all his strength becos it felt like my body was going spastic and I couldnt control it anymore. It was frightening and then I felt the baby start to descend and that made me even more frightened and my husband just hugged me and according to him i was saying what all laboring women say before they r getting ready to push...i.e. i want to die, i cant take this any more.<br>
So they moved me by the bed and I knelt on the floor by the bed....transition hit, while I didnt puke it was contraction over contraction...but this time they felt like really good...not painful but good and according to my midwife I fell asleep right after them for like 5minutes before the piushing. I dont remember falling asleep but ebveryone says I did. My husband was as you can imagine EXTREMELY scared and worried for me and kept asking my doula and midwife wether all women go through this and they were like...yes this is what labor is like...it really had an effect on him becos he saw the entire labor and delivery and now thinks that men who want their wives to have alot of kids are cruel! hehehehe.<br><br>
So at the end of transition I got this incredible urge to push, my midwife was right there and was waiting for me to start wanting to push...by this time I felt like *I* was gone and someone else took over...it was like your human self leaves and this primal animal takes over. Its incredible.<br>
They put me opn the bed and put up this squat bar<br>
!!!!<br>
I had wanted to deliver standing up or squatting but my doula said they just moved me up there, i dont think id of had an option. So I pushed for almost 3 hrs!!! it was 6pm by the time this started and I had been in labor for about 4 hours. I was exhausted from the strength of the contractions and had a hard time pushing at first becos I didnt know what I was doing...I had my legs up on the squat bar, there were nurses everywhere and that dang monitor was STILL on me and a urge to push would come and id push...but nothing happened...finally I got the hang of it and eventualy I just go soo tired my mom held one leg and the doula the other and my husband was behind me and would push me up so my pushes would do something...but still it took ages.<br>
By this point I was like only semi-there so my recollections are sketchy so pls forgive the disjointed writing. By this point every time id get an urge to push my pelvis would be on fire and id scream for my mom and doula to push on my pelvis...i dont know why this happened but it was the only painful part of the entire ordeal. So this baby just wouldnt come out...id push with all my might and nothing...his head was crowning but wouldnt come out. his heartbeat was getting weaker and the midwife was like yelling at me to push harder...she was trying to open up my birth canal and put warm wahs cloths on my perineum to soften it up...id push and he'd pop out and go back!!!! So between this I also felt the "ring of fire" which i must admit didnt feel too horrible, compared to the intense contractions of earlier...By this time I was really just like mentally gone and i remember her teling me shed have to do a small episiotomy to help get his head out or else id have a massive tear as my son was turning out to be alot bigger than expected. I consented and the doula said she did a very good episiotomy, instead of 1 big cut she did 2 small cuts on either side. She also called in this nurse who my mom swore must of been a drill sargent becos she was barking at me to push with all my might, by this time I was again, totally exhausted, turning blue and was having trouble breathing so I was on oxygen and the babie sheart beat was getting weaker and weaker...finally I just gulped in as much air as I could and pushed as hard as I could and suddenly the baby was plopped on my stomach and i was finally able to breath. He was 9lbs and totally purple...my husband almost fainted becos he was so bloody and a cone head...i was dilerious and i recall not believing my son was in the world now.<br><br>
After he was finally out...i stated to shake for like 30minutes and my mom had to hold me while the midwife repaired me and they checked out my son...it was definetly a weird feeling, after the shaking went away and I got a big gladd of water in me i didnt feel too bad...semi-eurphoric...not tired or anything...and our son ended up being extremely alert...he didnt cry very much just was looking around as they checked him. I BF him alittle with the help of a nurse and after what felt like an eternity-honestly, all I wanted to do was eat a gigantic meal my family left, the doula left and dh and I were left with your pink, cone-headed, squooshy faced son, we were taken up to the post partum room where we said goodnight to our son (I really needed a good nights sleep, so we agreed it was best to keep him in the nursery), ordered a gigantic dinner and had a really nice, relaxing evening eating, talking about the xperience and ofcourse trying to sleep.<br><br>
My healing wasnt too bad and while for about 3 days after the delivery I could barely move or get out of bed-i was soo exhausted from the labor and pushing, after that I healed up really fast and was up and about after a week.<br><br>
So thats the story...i know...sooo long but i had to get it out...But, definetly next time, if there is a next time...im going to be adament about NOT doing the birth in a hospital...UNLESS absolutly necessary but either at home or at a BC.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jenns_3_babies</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8001635"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">um, how did it go?</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Sounds like, although you were scared, you did a FANTASTIC job! And I really think that the next time you want to go for it, you'll be able to look at your gorgeous child and feel less scared.<br><br>
Congrats! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I was scared to death of giving birth again after my first baby too. During my second pregnancy I really educated myself and my fear melted away. I know you educated yourself during this pg - bravo! Wish I had known as that much with my first too! My second labor was all natural (the first one I had a couple doses of pain meds) and almost painless. It was 16 hrs of joy. My contrax felt like how you describe them in your story. My third was born at home in water.<br><br>
Anyway.... you did an awesome job. I've been at a lot of births (I was a doula and now I am a L&D nurse and homebirth midwives assistant). Induced births are harder (esp after spending a night in the hospital). You handled yourself very well. Your body did an amazing thing!
 
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