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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
ooh boy would there be some spankin' goin' on tonight!! I'm at the end of my rope... Ds has been tantrumming, more like raging, several times an hour all day and nothing on this earth is right, not even if he asked for it himself.<br><br>
I know he has a painful cold sore, gave him some pain reliever, no change. Ugh.<br><br>
I had 4 hours sleep last night and I feel tapped out. This is when I am sorely tested. I know I will keep my hands to myself but the tension inside is so bad it practically hurts.. I can't think well sleep deprived... tell me what you do to defuse!!<br>
I'm home alone with ds right now so no help nearby. Did the bath thing and got 30 min of good time out of it then back to the screaming. He isn't feverish, or showing any other signs of being ill... I know he is probably aware I am "off" today...sad cuz dh is gone at his father's bedside, FIL is dying... too many emotions flying around... suggestions please!!!
 

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I don't have any advice, but I've been there. It won't last forever. It can't. I remember one mama here has this thing she does where she talks out loud to herself, basically a pep talk: "I can do this. I don't need to scream or hit. I'm a resourceful mama." Maybe that would help?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Sounds like your family has a lot of stress, and naturally your brilliant, sensitive child is picking up the vibe. It's hard for kids when mama is stressed, I think. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Hang in there buddy. As with all stressful phases, this too will pass. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I agree...they feed off of our emotions. Try to take some time for yourself if you can. Maybe a 15 min bath or something.<br><br>
Sorrt mama...... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> hugs coming your way.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br><br>
i felt that way too. my son has been so keyed-up over the holidays, and us having company over, he has been way too over-excited all day. finally this afternoon i had to start taking deep, calming breaths and chanting to myself, "spanking is hitting and hitting is wrong. i don't want to hurt my son. spanking hurts. spanking is hitting and hitting is wrong. . ."<br><br>
:: sigh ::<br><br>
it got me through the afternoon, and i didn't even raise my voice at all (which is a total breakthrough for me!). maybe it will help you too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Hopefully by now you are both asleep and tomorrow will be a better day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> It's so true that children tend to react to our moods. I think it's terribly unfair that this causes them to act out negatively when we are least able to handle it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
I *hear* you about the spanking! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> The other day my 2 1/2 y.o. was pushing all my buttons and I said (through gritted teeth), "You are *so* lucky that I don't believe in spanking!" My 4 1/2 y.o. dd giggled at my frustration and asked, "Why don't you believe in spanking?" That question instantly brought the whole situation into a wider focus. I was able to say with integrity, "Because even when you are very angry, it's not OK to hit." It was a great moment -- it reminded me that the purpose of my parenting goes beyond the trials of this day. I'm trying to raise up good, responsible, healthy adults.<br><br>
I usually defuse by getting some time alone, but it sounds like the situation with your FIL makes that difficult right now. (My sympathies to your family, BTW.) Sometimes if dh isn't going to be around for a while, just getting out of the house helps. I'll load the kiddos in the car and just drive for a while. It gives us all a change of scenery and sometimes they even fall asleep! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I don't know your ds's age, but I'm not above popping in a video if I'm at the end of my rope! When ds was a small baby and I was super sleep deprived, I'd sometimes sleep on the sofa while my then 2 y.o. dd watched a video in the same room. (While the baby was sleeping, of course.) I could get a half-hour nap out of a 40 minute video. She was/is a calm kid and I knew she'd either stay parked in front of the TV or come wake me up if she got bored with it. I know some kids are too "active" for this to be safe. Good luck -- I hope tomorrow is better!
 

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when i feel totally overwhelmed and sleep deprived when dh isn't home i pile the kid in the stroller and walk it off, no matter the time of day.. the fresh air usually konks him out as an added bonus.
 

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you're not alone...we all have those days when we want calgon to take us away...hang in there...it will get better..........eventually! **HUGS**
 

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He might just be fighting something. My dd was grumpy for about a week, and I couldn't figure it out, then she got sick. I suppose she was fighting this cold that's going around. I was totally frustrated the first week, but then when I realized she was actually sick my attitude changed totally and I felt sorry for her. Maybe if you imagine that he is sick and treat him with all the attention you would if he were sick you'd find that he gets better and you'll feel happier? Not sure, but it sure made life easier when I switched my focus from frustration to nurturing.<br><br><br>
You are in a difficult position though with you FIL and you DH being gone.<br><br>
Best of luck, take care of yourself, is there anyone around, a friend anyone that could take your DS for a few hours so you can take a bath or just relax?
 

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Awww, hugs!! We've ALL had days like this!!<br><br>
I remember lots of times when I sat and cried WITH the baby- we both let off some steam and nobody was crying alone.
 

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There have been days when I've put Talia into the bathtub no less than three times, because that let's us both unwind. Her because she loves it and because it's a big break in whatever was setting her off, me because she's occupied and only needs minor interaction (i.e. I can sit on the toilet and read a book while watching her play.) Also, I can get into the bathtub with her, if I wish, and we can both take advantage of the comfort factor of that. Or I can bring a load of laundry in with me and fold it, making me feel like I've done something productive which makes me feel better (often, I get really frustrated if the house is a wreck and she goes off every time I try to so much as wash a dish.)<br><br>
Going outside always helps, whether it's for a walk or to the playground or just out in the yard. However, lately it's been too darned cold to do a lot of that - we've been going outside for only short periods of time.<br><br>
Sometimes I just need to let go of my expectations about what I need to get done and give in to snuggle her for long periods of time, like settling in in front of a movie. We get into conflicts on days when she needs lots of extra "nuggles" and I'm trying to do other things. Ok, some things do need to be done - I have to make dinner, if the puppy poops on the floor, I do have to clean it up. But, I don't *have* to do laundry, or sew, or vacuum or change the sheets.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Thanks mamas! It was a rough day & night, of course once dh came home, ds was a complete angel, LOL! I do use the self-talk trick, oh all day that day I think!! I love that moment with your 4 year old, Luvmy2, talk about out of the mouths of babes!<br><br>
I will make a list of all your good ideas and put them on my fridge, I just feel so stuck and can't think when things are so awful... I could have taken ds outside and that probably would have made us both feel better, it's cold here but not terribly so - we could bundle up.<br><br><br>
Thanks for all your replies!
 

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One of the things I loved about the Waldorf school is that there *is* no inclement weather. The children are expected to be dressed appropriately and keep raingear at the school because they will go out in almost any weather imaginable. Even if it is cold, rainy, a real pain in the ass, get outside. Most of us do not get anywhere near enough fresh air- I think it's almost worse in the suburbs actually- and it makes a big difference, in my experience. Even a half hour for the baby to run around in the park can help. A lot of times tantrums and such are from being just bored and tired-but-not-tired-enough.
 

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have you tried rescue remedy? benadryl? nyquil? it sounds like he is sick and exahsted and stressed out as you are and probably has spiraled so far down nothing is going to be immedient help. I am not completely joking about the nyquil. try rescue remedy or maybe some herbal or homeopathic camomile or somehting (I am sure there is some more knowledgeable than I that can tell you what would work best to induce calmness)
 

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I just want to add to all of this excellent advice that I am a cold sore sufferer, and they are more painful than you would imagine. The actual sore hurts, and the area all around it, and it's just...ugh!<br>
When I get them it feels like my lip is swollen to the size of my head! My dd gets them and I feel super bad for her. If he has one right now that's probably a lot of the reason forhis rough times.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I do know what you mean about the cold sores, poor ds got them from me I think! It is amazing how the area of pain can be 500 times larger than the sore itself!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
The day after I posted, daddy came home and he was FINE! He was sad and stressed and in pain, and mommy wasn't herself... what a rough day, glad to have so many good ideas for the next time - thanks mamas!
 
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