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What would it be? What is one thing that has been most helpful/unhelpful while dealing with therapists, teachers, doctors, etc? If you could "design" a therapist/teacher/doctor, what is the one thing he or she must have?<br><br>
I am working on my presentation and need some ideas of how to pare it down to the most important information.<br><br>
Throw your awesome quotes and ideas my way. Let me know if you are okay with me using your quote directly.
 

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"Listen to what I'm telling to you!" That would be the very first inportant thing in these cases. I've heard so often that parents aren't being listened to. So profesionals make up their minds without truly hearing what a parent is saying.
 

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Don't blow me off because I don't have a degree. I do research. Real research--not Wikipedia research. Don't assume that if "I read something" that it couldn't possibly be from a valid source. This is my kid's life here. I'm careful about what I take to you. At least read it and evaluate it's value for yourself before blowing it off.<br><br>
And just because something doesn't have research behind it ALREADY, don't assume it's not possible. Often research is paid for by companies that will profit from the answers. Not all of it, but a lot of it. Don't discount the grassroots community of people who are living in the trenches just because it hasn't made it back to the masses yet.
 

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i'd tell them to STOP for a second and observe. i don't care how long you've been doing _____, you've never met my daughter. and i don't mean this in a mean way at all. i think (according to close friends who are therapists of all kinds) that many feel that parents expect them to jump right in and "treat" their child. i would encourage them to instead just watch the child for a bit. don't assume that what has worked the last 650 times will necessarily work for my daughter. my favorite therapist is our PT, and she has been doing this for forever. what i adore about her is that she is QUIET (which is rare, imo), predictable, always tells my daughter what she's about to do, asks my daughter if it's okay when she changes the environment (i.e, "is it okay if i turn on the fan? would that be too loud for you?"), and for the first two sessions we saw her, she literally just watched my daughter the entire time. didn't try to tell her to do anything or test her in any way. as a result, she sees so much more of my daughter than many others we've worked with. and my daughter trusts her more than anyone else. she (the PT) is genuinely open to learning all the time, and you can tell she has no ego involved in her work. i remember hearing a family present at an ASD conference, and i loved what the mom said she told all their family, friends, and therapists - "when you work with ASD kids, please kindly check your ego at the door. this isn't about."...<br>
i look forward to hearing what others have to say. and as i said, i don't mean to sound snarky. i was a pediatric nurse, so i *get* working with kids. i know it's not easy, but i wish more professionals would slow down, quiet down, and genuinely listen to the kids.
 

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Don't tell parents worst case scenarios and never give them hope. I can't tell you how tempted I am to make a video of my ds, talking up a storm, and send it to the neurologist who told me "don't ever expect him to carry on a conversation with you. He will never have that kind of communication. Just continue teaching him sign language and explore other communication options". He can kiss my a$$ <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Please don't start labeling my child before I've even had the chance to sit down in an evaluation. It may be obvious to you, but this is new to me and it's a lot to take in.<br><br>
Don't tell me my son "has potential." I think he's pretty great already.<br><br>
Don't say he "obviously has XYZ" because it wasn't obvious to me or the slew of people who saw him before you. Once again, what is obvious to you may be something brand new for the parent.<br><br>
That said, I really did like the OT's who said all that. It's just a lot for a parent and I know I'm super sensitive. But I can't be the only parent that has a hard time processing these things.
 

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If you say you are going to do something, then do it! Then don't blow me off time and time again when I try to follow up. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I second the pp who said don't always give worst case scenarios. Don't tell a new parent racked with worry in the NICU that their child will never walk talk or know you are in the room. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> At least leave open the possibility that things could turn out better that you expect.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>askew</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14716833"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I second the pp who said don't always give worst case scenarios. Don't tell a new parent racked with worry in the NICU that their child will never walk talk or know you are in the room. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> At least leave open the possibility that things could turn out better that you expect.</div>
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And don't minimize it either. Because when you say "X won't happen" and it does, it's extra upsetting.
 

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Don't give a parent a bunch of sad brochures along with the diagnosis. Info is great, but I could have done without information on the worst case long term scenarios the very day I get the news. I didn't need to read a thing about institutions and the "fact" that very few children like my DD will go on to have families like "normal" people.<br><br>
By the way, ripping those up was very theraputic <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Try to find a way to talk without the child around! It's so difficult trying to communicate honestly with a therapist while dd is listening and taking it all in, but it seems routinely expected.
 

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You don't have a crystal ball nor are you psychic. You can't predict what the end point for any child's development will be so don't take hope away from a parent. It may be all they have to get through the day. There's no such thing as false hope. There is only hope.<br><br>
I love the other suggestions given so far. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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i ABSOLUTELY agree with the pp who mentioned talking about things *away* from the child. i know it's not always possible, but i really, really wish more professionals would try. there's this expectation that it's okay - that our kids aren't absorbing all of this stuff we say about them, all these judgments, evaluations, critiques. the PT who i mentioned before (the one who's awesome) is a great example of this. the first time we met, i launched into some things about dd (none of which i considered embarrassing to her), but the PT just looked at me and said, "i'd like to not discuss things in front of her. please hold onto that thought and we'll talk about it later." and we do. we make a phone appt. to discuss about every two sessions, and during that time we're really able to analyze out loud, honestly. then in contrast, our new OT started asking stuff about DD the other day, and i said, "i don't think we should talk about dd right here." her response was, "oh, it's okay with me. i don't mind." i was like, "uh, i'm not worried about YOU." so, yeah, i think it is really a sign of true respect when a professional does everything they can to accomplish that goal.
 

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See my child as an individual. Every single person who has been helpful to us sees DS as an individual. The people who are too busy trying to shove him into a box to really see him have been worse than useless.<br><br>
Catherine
 

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Don't contradict your co-workers who are also working with us leaving us completely confused as to whose opinion to go with. Also, don't give advice that is outside of your realm of education and expertise! And...don't assume that attachment parenting means being permissive!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rainbringer</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/14717533"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Try to find a way to talk without the child around! It's so difficult trying to communicate honestly with a therapist while dd is listening and taking it all in, but it seems routinely expected.</div>
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Yeah, that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> There are so many things I won't discuss in front of Carter, not in an adult way. I so appreciate our therapist, who schedules (schedules!) a monthly phone appt. with me, plus makes himself available for calls at other times.<br><br>
My number 1 thing, though, is this: DO NOT treat me and my DH like we're idiots. Condescension is bad bad bad. The side-bar advice to go with that is, get to know the parents of your patients and figure out where to pitch your communication. I've worked with far too many doctors who just talk as if every patient had an 8th grade level of understanding. That's important for the parents who need that (it's just as bad to talk over people's heads as to condescend to them), but for college-educated parents who have access to, and the ability to understand, the peer-reviewed research, it's just offensive.
 

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Tell me what my options are and what you recommend and the rationale behind it. I will listen. Do not just dictate what I should do and leave the room. Sometimes your plan of care is not feasible for my or my child's life. Please listen to what I have to say and my reasoning and speak to me like the intelligent adult that I am.
 
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