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How do you avoid it once your baby is older and breastmilk is no longer his main source of nutrition? I would never want to leave my DS with her, but the only excuse my DH gives her right now is that he is EBF and won't take a bottle, so we can't leave him with anyone. Of course as soon as he turned 4 months she has been pestering me about solids and I told her that we're waiting and she told me that it is so mean to deprive him of "real" food. She also constantly criticizes our parenting choices, she hates breastfeeding, esp. since she can't give him a bottle, makes fun of his cloth diapers and thinks that I am ridiculous to use them and says that she can't wait until he's over grandma's and she can give him chips ahoy cookies and all the sugary snacks he wants since I'll be depriving him. So, anyway, how am I going to keep avoiding this issue? By the way, she is the only person he cries with even if she just looks at him. We also don't have other immediate family either besides my FIL and BIL but she would never let them watch without her, she constantly tells everyone how can't babysit...blah blah blah!! Can you tell I can't stand this woman!!!! UGH!!!!
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Having family you don't trust sucks.

If I were you, I'd have the DH have a long talk with her, assuming he supports your parenting choices. I mean, she is his mother, so maybe she'll listen to him. My DH and I have dealt with assorted crazy family members that way - mine belong to me and his belong to him.

Only the parents of the babe decide what food that babe will eat and if MIL's admitted on planning offering all the sugary food at an early age, I'd be hard pressed to leave the lilone there.
But if the young one were older and knew a bit about food choices, I wouldn't worry. I've seen a couple 4 year olds refuse sugary stuff because it was something they "didn't like"
 

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We're in the same boat. Dd is 11 months and she is still getting mama milk as her main source of food, so it's not been brought up in a while. I think MIL also knows I don't trust her...based on so so sooo many incidents where I have had to stand my ground, intervene, stop her from doing whatever she was doing to/with my child...

I really hope it just becomes normal to her not to have my child alone with her. Because there is no other option until dd is old enough to defend herself and know right from wrong. *shrug*
 

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My daughter screamed at the sight of my mother in law until she was about 8 months old. I don't know why but I think it has to do with the fact that MIL insisted on getting right in her face to talk to her and she was that irritating person who wouldn't hand the baby back when she got fussy. I won't leave the baby over at her house for a whole host of reasons (she's 15 months old now).

Their house is not baby-proofed. We were over there a couple weeks ago and the baby acquired a bottle of WINDEX from under the kitchen sink that she was was sucking on. I caught her and put it back, but there was a basket of potatoes blocking the sliding door so it wouldn't close. There are little knick-knacks everywhere in areas that can't be closed off. The door to the stairs doesn't close all the way, either.

The most irritating thing, though, is the fact that when I'm not around my oldest (4 years) gets sugared up and caffeinated, despite my insistence, and the next day she's a total pain in the butt because I'm sure she has a headache. When the baby was younger, her face would break out when she had apples and MIL was always trying to give her apple juice. "It doesn't hurt her, it just breaks her out." Now, the baby has a sensitivity to raw tomatoes - it makes her face and chest fiery red, and still MIL tries to feed them to her. She tried to give her honey a couple of times and when she was four months old and not eating solids, yet, she gave her a whole dinner roll. I had to dig a large chunk out of her mouth because a. she wasn't eating solids at that point! and b. she didn't even have any teeth so all she was doing was making one big lump that I'm sure she would have choked on. She also snuck her chocolate pie, whipped cream, ice cream.

I've labelled her a danger and my husband agrees so while our oldest goes there for the day, occasionally, it'll be a loooooooong time before I trust her with the baby. Well, I suppose I'll never trust her with either of my kids, but I'll tolerate it.
 

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I think that both you and your DH need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your MIL. Tell her that you don't trust her to follow your parenting choices (whether or not she likes them is beside the point ... this is YOUR child). She had the chance to raise HER children, now let you and your DH give you the chance to raise YOURS!
 

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Your baby. Just tell her NO & that it isn't up for discussion.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
Your baby. Just tell her NO & that it isn't up for discussion.
:

Our 4yr olds DS has never been alone with MIL ! or anyone else we dont trust
 

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It doesnt matter who she is. If you dont trust her, that is the only reason you need. If she is going to do things that she knows you disagree with I would never let her be alone with him. If she was my MIL I would rather find a teen babysitter who would go by my standards than an untrusted family member.
 

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dd is 16 months and we've still never left her, with anyone. everyone complains. too bad. I don't engage in discussion about it- I just say no and leave it at that, and smile without answering them when they say things like "so when do I get to babysit" or "you two need to go out and leave her here" etc. if you do end up leaving him with someone other than MIL she doesn't have to find out about it!
 

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"We feel DD is not old enough to be left with anyone yet." Repeat ad nauseum at least until your daughter is old enough that she can tell you when MIL does something out of line. That's our plan with my mom, at least. ( although I kinda busted the plan because I DO have to leave my children with other people when I have to work, just people I trust
)
 

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i just laugh like the idea is absurd. i say he would be sad without me there, then the in-laws make some cracks about how i'm the one who would be upset and we all laugh about how silly i am.
it's working pretty well for us.

our kids will not be alone with those people.
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I totally feel your pain!! And I am also in Ct with parents about 100 miles away too! MIL has been begging to have our DS over night. He is only 14 months old and still nursing so there is no way. She has been told in the past she will not have Elli alone at all until she is on board with our parenting choices. End of story. And since that day may never come, we are in pretty good shape. How am I supposed to trust a women who tries to feed him something he is not supposed to eat every single time We see her? I'm not, simple as that! And I won't even get into the two jealous Jack Russells that live with her!
 

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my mil made some terrible parenting decisions with my dh (left him in his crib and went to EUROPE, thank god my fil found him there), has some mental issues, hygeine issues, and is dementing. she does not understand why we won't leave the baby with her either. i really feel your pain.
 

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Well, my guy is almost 2.5 years old and we have never left him with someone other than each other. We haven't felt the need to get away from the little guy we'd been wanting for years, even before we knew each other.

So it's been very easy to just say "we don't feel the need to go anywhere without him yet" to anyone who offers to watch him.

My MIL got herself banned from the list of people we MIGHT let watch him when she was just about to give him a spoonful of apple juice, before he'd had anything but b'milk. I stopped her (very daring for me to stand up to her), and then she was just about to give him water, even though water is not needed for b'fed babies.

I know her history of feeding her own children, and I know what health issues they ALL have, and I can't help but putting 2 and 2 together. I know that if I have her watch him, it will be in our OWN home, where there is no meat for her to give him (oh I didn't know you didn't eat chicken, I thought it was just the other meats) and unless she brings her own, there will only be treats WE are comfy giving him.

But really, it's been easy to tell people that we just adore his presence so much that we do everything as a family!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by jbmill2 View Post
my mil made some terrible parenting decisions with my dh (left him in his crib and went to EUROPE, thank god my fil found him there), has some mental issues, hygeine issues, and is dementing. she does not understand why we won't leave the baby with her either. i really feel your pain.
And I thought my IL's who left DH in his crib one night so they could go see Jaws were bad. FIL actually told me last time I heard this story that DH had thrown all his toys (stuffed animals etc) at the doorwhile they were gone. Wonder why???
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Quote:

Originally Posted by rmzbm View Post
Your baby. Just tell her NO & that it isn't up for discussion.
another
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my MIL said all of the same things and so did my FIL... at first I used the breastfeeding excuse etc... finally I just said that it wasn't up for discussion anymore and slipped in a comment like "when you stop smoking"... which is a big issue for me... I also said that they are welcome come visit at anytime...

Anyways... we don't leave the kids with anyone... so it is not like they are being left out..
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by joeysmom1729 View Post
says that she can't wait until he's over grandma's and she can give him chips ahoy cookies and all the sugary snacks he wants since I'll be depriving him. So, anyway, how am I going to keep avoiding this issue?
No point in beating around the bush, I'd come out say what you really mean. "The reason you don't babysit is because I don't trust you to honor my wishes."
 
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