[DevaMajka]

did the easiness end at some point?<br><br>
My ds is pretty easy. He's laid back and calm. We're all pretty easy going here. He's pretty considerate of other's feelings (for a 3yo), takes 'rules' very seriously (for example, "don't run with food in your mouth. It's not safe." He reminds his friends if he sees them running while eating). He very rarely will do something I've told him not to do- he's very likely to whine/do whatever to get me to change my mind. But if I say no, it's quite unlikely that he will do it anyways.<br><br>
Not to say there aren't ever problems- he's not that independent. He's thrown fits about leaving places, he whines (though less now), he has to say good-bye about a million times when people leave or he gets very upset. He hides when people come to our door (not hide and seek- he doesn't want to be found).<br><br>
As a baby, he was high-needs, but not that hard, if that makes sense. He wanted to be held all the time until after he started crawling (literally, at least 22 hours a day- I held him in his sleep), and nurse quite often. But as long as he was being held, and nursed when he wanted to, he was happy. Everyone commented on how happy he was.<br><br>
Age 2.5 was rough for us. I think I was having a hard time with my discipline (my goal was CL, but I wasn't able to do it, and it stressed me out), so I changed that up a bit, and it's been easier since.<br><br>
I have a friend who's ds was quite easy when I met him a bunch of months ago. Now he's 4.5, and she says he's WAY less easy. lol.<br><br>
Does that always happen? I need to be prepared! lol

 

[MtBikeLover]

Not with me. My son was soooooo easy at 3 and I think he is still easy. But easy is always relative. From 1.5-2.5, we couldn't leave his side because he was a big time pusher/hitter. That was very difficult so after that ended, it has all been awesome since.<br><br>
Yet to tell on my DD - she will be 3 in Feb. But so far, things are great with her!

 

[Limabean1975]

My DS is only two, and *mostly* fairly easy (we have our days, but within normal I think), so I don't have an answer for you, but I hope you don't mind me butting in your thread to ask YOU a question: If your goal was CL, but it was not quite for you, what kind of parenting/discipline did you end up settling into? I'm figuring that whatever you are doing, it must be workign fairly well so far, since you call your 3 y.o. "easy"! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">

 

[DevaMajka]

awww, thank you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
First, I will say that I've had my fair share of "OMG! He just threw a tantrum in the middle of a REALLY busy mall!" and "OMG! Make the whining stop before I rip my hair out." lol<br><br>
I couldn't be CL. I tried. I wanted to. But for some reason I couldn't. I'm not patient enough, etc. I have punitive, parents in charge thoughts seep into my head much to often (I'm guessing from my childhood). lol. I think what was happening was that I was letting ds do what he wanted, then resenting it. Or that I'd try to get him to change his mind, and he wouldn't, and I'd get all frustrated.<br>
So I just decided that I was allowed to say "no" sometimes.<br>
I resort to kinda "related consequences" sometimes. (yeah, I know they are punishment). I yell. I've shamed, and hit <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">. All things I do NOT want to do. I guess the reason that I stopped trying to be CL, is that when I allowed myself to be "in charge" I yelled/shamed less.<br><br>
I'm anti-punishment/rewards. I try (try being the key word) to remember that ds's thoughts/desires/feelings matter just as much as mine do.<br>
We don't have many rules, but if there's something I don't want ds to do, I let him know. I don't have arbitrary rules/limits. But if something is important to me (harming others, for example), I will be firm about it.<br>
I do NOT allow harming others/animals. But I couldn't tell you exactly what I do. I'm definitely firm about it- I make no effort to keep a calm voice, yk?<br>
I find agreeable alternatives to unwanted behavior (so...if he's being loud, I might tell him to go to another room to be loud.) I try to see it as working WITH him. I value our connection, and it's one of my top priorities.<br>
(My parenting would be a combo of Secret of Parenting, Becoming The Parent You Want To Be, Loving Your Child Is Not Enough, and Unconditional Parenting. Oh, and I LOVE Jan Hunt <a href="http://www.naturalchild.com" target="_blank">www.naturalchild.com</a>)<br><br>
Dp is pretty much CL, but refuses to be labeled as such. He reserves the right to insist that ds do something, refuse to do what ds wants, etc. But, in reality, he finds a mutually agreeable solution for everything (or he'll just do what ds wants, if he decides its more important to ds than it is to himself). He has NEVER (I'm being 100% honest) yelled at ds. He's never punished or shamed.<br><br>
hmmm...so...that probably didn't answer anything. lol. All I can really say is that I'm anti-punishment/rewards, but all for firm boundaries.<br><br>
eta: I also think that "needing attention" is a need. When people say that kids are "just acting out for the attention" my first thought is that the kid needs attention. lol<br>
Also, since I obviously do not have stellar impulse control (see the aformentioned yelling and shaming), I do not expect impulse control from ds. I guess in a way I do, because I am shocked when he doesn't, but I'm very good at remembering that no one has perfect impulse control, so how could I expect it from a 3yo.

 

[carfreemama]

Dd will be 4 on Feb. 28. I'm holding my breath, too!<br><br>
Again, I think 'easy' is relative. I consider my dd VERY easy, but I'm not sure everyone would. Generally, I have had friends (with children and not), as well as her fairly mainstream grandparents, who have her every Monday, say that she is very even-tempered, easy-going and fun to be around. She gets along great in preschool. So objectively, I guess it seems most find her easy.<br><br>
However, like a pp said, she has also had her moments (or days or weeks). She tends toward an attitude. She can be lippy and she was definitely a hitter for a while. She even bit and spit a few times (that was fun). She had massive personal space issues for a while, in that no child could approach her anywhere without her freaking out. She was a HUGE high-needs baby, crying 24/7 until she was 3 months and 9 days old. Then it literally stopped overnight and she became the happiest baby imaginable. But dh and I have always just enjoyed her so much that we often worry that we're blinded to some horrible personality flaw that will be all our undoing some day. I know there will be challenges ahead. There would HAVE to be. I guess we'll stay tuned.

 

[beka1977]

Age 4 has been pretty gnarly.

 

[Daffodil]

DD was pretty easy at 2 and 3, and she's continued to be easy, but once she was 4 she did start sometimes refusing to do things I wanted her to do, glaring at me, getting angry and stomping around, etc. In some ways, 4 was harder than 3, but in other ways it was easier, because she got a lot more willing to play independently, do things for herself, etc.

 

[nathansmum]

Well, I've two on opposite ends here - ds who is now over 4.5 was hard work at 2 and 3, but since turning 4 has just been a delight. We still get challenges, but I find we work it out pretty easily. He actually has some similar traits to your ds as being a natural rule (mostly around safety) follower and is concerned about his friends if he sees them doing something he deems unsafe (not in a tattle tale way, but from genuine concern as a friend). That has always been there and remains.<br><br>
DD who is almost 3 has been fairly easy in comparison since birth. I get screeching, but I don't see that as a behavioural issue, just something I need to work with her on. I don't get tantrums from her, but then she's also had the benefit of GD since birth whereas ds didn't. She is pretty cruisey, not over-curious or energetic like her brother was/is and not as determined or persistent. I'm yet to see how things play out for us as she gets older - you'll have to give an update lol.<br><br>
I don't see myself as CL and like you, my naturally controlling nature works better with not always needing to find mutual agreement (although I will try my best without feeling stressed over it), but am strongly influenced by UP and most other GD authors on Naturalchild.com. I too found I was feeling "taken advantage" of in the early days after reading UP, and by allowing myself a bit more of my natural parenting style helped me not feel so conflicted over what I was wanting to achieve and as time goes by I am a lot more relaxed in my style and no longer analyse myself on a daily basis as I used to lol.

 

[LuckyMommaToo]

DS was so easygoing until 3.5. Laidback, reasonable, had literally never had a tantrum. I have to be honest -- I thought I was just such a fantastic momma! Then my world got shaken and things got really, really hard for awhile. Probably exacerbated by our house being under construction and his sister becoming mobile, but still.<br><br>
I really didn't like my son for awhile -- he became quite unpleasant overnight. Whining, hitting, demanding, snatching from the baby. All the time. Man, it was miserable!<br><br>
But every kid is so different. And we weathered that spurt, and now at almost 4.5, he is so delightful, amazing, hilarious.<br><br>
You'll do fine, wherever your journey takes you!<br>
-e

 

[ericswifey27]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LuckyMommaToo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296468"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">DS was so easygoing until 3.5. Laidback, reasonable, had literally never had a tantrum. I have to be honest -- I thought I was just such a fantastic momma! Then my world got shaken and things got really, really hard for awhile. Probably exacerbated by our house being under construction and his sister becoming mobile, but still.<br><br>
I really didn't like my son for awhile -- he became quite unpleasant overnight. Whining, hitting, demanding, snatching from the baby. All the time. Man, it was miserable!<br><br>
But every kid is so different. And we weathered that spurt, and now at almost 4.5, he is so delightful, amazing, hilarious.<br><br>
You'll do fine, wherever your journey takes you!<br>
-e</div>
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<br>
That gives me hope, I am having a tough time with my just turned 4 year old. He has always been high energy, but a few months before my second ds was born the whining and temper tantrums kicked in. Please tell me we will get through this soon<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[LuckyMommaToo]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">That gives me hope, I am having a tough time with my just turned 4 year old. He has always been high energy, but a few months before my second ds was born the whining and temper tantrums kicked in. Please tell me we will get through this soon</td>
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You will, you will! I swear, it's just a phase, and the aliens will return your charming, joyous DS soon.<br><br>
Really, even though I read tons of books and agonized a lot during that time, I think the most helpful things were: structure, consistency and not letting DS's mood/behavior affect the whole family. The more calm and "strong" I could be (think rock in the middle of a crashing ocean), the easier it was for all of us.<br><br>
I feel for you! I swear, it will end.<br>
-e

 

[DevaMajka]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nathansmum</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296404"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't see myself as CL and like you, my naturally controlling nature works better with not always needing to find mutual agreement (although I will try my best without feeling stressed over it), but am strongly influenced by UP and most other GD authors on Naturalchild.com. I too found I was feeling "taken advantage" of in the early days after reading UP, and by allowing myself a bit more of my natural parenting style helped me not feel so conflicted over what I was wanting to achieve and as time goes by I am a lot more relaxed in my style and no longer analyse myself on a daily basis as I used to lol.</div>
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Definitely how I feel!<br>
It seems we have some things in common <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[ShareBear]

<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LuckyMommaToo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10296599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...Really, even though I read tons of books and agonized a lot during that time, I think the most helpful things were: structure, consistency and not letting DS's mood/behavior affect the whole family. The more calm and "strong" I could be (think rock in the middle of a crashing ocean), the easier it was for all of us...<br><br>
-e</div>
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I wouldn't say that I have an easy 3-year-old, but I had to chime in to say that I love this paragraph! It's so true that structure and consistency are essential, and I just LOVE the image of a "rock in the middle of a crashing ocean." I'm going to try to remember that one next time DS gets...well, challenging.