[Heavenly]

Okay I am freaking out right now. What was I thinking??? I just found out today that I'm pregnant and now I am terrified. I had postpartum depression very severely with my daughter. I also have bipolar and wasn't on any meds. I can't even begin to describe how much it messed me up. I was full of anxiety and rage and depression. I didn't feel any love for my son at all even though before the birth he had been my angel. I was very nasty to him and still feel guilty about that. I couldn't take anti-depressants because people with bipolar can't take anti-depressants alone because it causes a manic swing. Finally when she was a year old I heard of some people with bipolar taking Wellbutrin so I have now been on Wellbutrin 300 mg a day since then. It does help but not as well as lithium. I can't breastfeed on lithium though. I am going to stay on it through the pregnancy, the risks of going off it are much more serious than any risk of staying on it. I was going to take fish oils but I can't keep them down. I have reflux and keep burping up the fish taste and then I get sick. Maybe I could go on them in the second trimester when I'm not so nauseous. I am also going to dehydrate the placenta and encapsulate it to take. That said, I am terrifeid that I am going to go like that again. I don't know what I'll do if I do. I know I'm not a perfect mom already. I yell at my kids too much. I just can't go like that again, it will damage my children so much. Also like I said I really feel like I stopped loving my son for quite awhile after my daughter was born. That sounds horrible but its how I felt. I am so terrified of feeling that way again about him or feeling that way about my daughter. Is it guaranteed that I will experience PPD again or do I have any hope. Oh I have absolutely no support system, all our family is 5 hours away and as much as we would both love to we can't move because we co-own a business and DH has no other work opportunities (not a college graduate).

 

[Mydragonboy]

Shawna, no advice, just

 

[SpiralChrissy]

Many, many mamas go thru PPD once and never have it again. You stand a good chance of being just fine. Also, since you've learned a lot from your round with PPD, you're much more capable of handling it if it did come around again. Hugs to you.
C

 

[minimunklemama]

First off congratulations on the pregnancy,
secondly io know people that were fine for their second and third and then others that had it again.I myself had it again but my doc just monitored me thru my pregnancy so it wasn't nearly as bad the second time around as we were ahead of it,
good luck mama

 

[Jish]

Quote:

I really feel like I stopped loving my son for quite awhile after my daughter was born. That sounds horrible but its how I felt.

You aren't alone. I felt that way for a couple months when my second child was a couple months old. It started around the time the second child became able to engage me and he became so darned cute. I felt like I just didn't love my older child like I did before. I felt so terrible, like I had totally screwed his life up forever. Then, all the sudden, I loved him just as much as I had. Heck, at the time, I wasn't even suffering from ppd. I started asking my friend about this, and turns out that most of them went through that same thing at about the same time when their second child was born. I stopped feeling guilty after that. It seems to be a very normal thing that women feel very guilty about so no one talks about it. It didn't however, happen when I had my third.

Once you have had ppd, your chances of having it in subsequent pregnancies are pretty high. You have the bipolar to deal with also which is a totally different beast, and what works for most of the moms here, likely won't work for you. While I am a total diehard breastfeeding advocate, there are times that a woman shouldn't feel guilty for not breastfeeding. If you have to weigh your mental health and ability to deal with your bipolar with your desire to breastfeed, you need to make sure that you don't put breastfeeding ahead of your health. If you need the lithium to be healthy, that is something to take seriously. I'm not sure that giving your baby breastmilk is necessarily better than formula if the result is a mom who has difficulty bonding with her child, who feels she can't cope and who isn't caring for herself. Your baby feels your anxiety and will take in higher amounts of stress hormones through your breastmilk and will make more her(him)self. The benefits of breastfeeding might not outweigh the negatives for you, your baby, or your family of haveing you off your meds.

Please, before anyone flames me for suggesting that someone even entertain the idea of not breastfeeding, Bipolar disorder is a totally different illness than depression or PPD and is treated much differently and typically with non-breastfeeding friendly meds.

I hope that everything works out for you. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[cottonwood]

Definitely do the dried placenta, and if you can, ingest some fresh (you can cut off tiny bits and swallow like pills.) The placenta works because part of this is hormonal, and the rest of it (psychological, environmental) takes place in the context of what is going on hormonally. So it is also very important to interfere as little as possible with your body functioning as chemically normal as it is able. You should give some thought to what this means as to your choices for the birth and immediate postpartum as well -- in other words, plan for a birth and postpartum that is interfered with as little as possible, to allow your body to release the good hormones that will facilitate the kicking in of your mothering instincts and bonding. They will also make you psychologically and psychically open, intensifying whatever is already going on, and therefore vulnerable to any negative energy around you, or a situation that makes you feel insecure and uncared for. So you want to be very serious about creating a supportive postpartum environment for yourself.

There are other possible reasons for PPD that this doesn't address, but at least it gives you a solid secure base from which to deal with the rest.

 

[ikeessyou]

I was diagnosed with bipolar illness after the birth of my daughter and my doctor and I did a lot of research and I breastfed while taking lithum WITH NO PROBLEMS for me or my daughter when she was 8 or 9 months old.

I know exactly how you feel because I'm pregnant again after 16 years and I'm terrified of going back to that horrible place.

Please private message me and I'll tell you about my journey back and what my plans are this time around...