Okay I am freaking out right now. What was I thinking??? I just found out today that I'm pregnant and now I am terrified. I had postpartum depression very severely with my daughter. I also have bipolar and wasn't on any meds. I can't even begin to describe how much it messed me up. I was full of anxiety and rage and depression. I didn't feel any love for my son at all even though before the birth he had been my angel. I was very nasty to him and still feel guilty about that. I couldn't take anti-depressants because people with bipolar can't take anti-depressants alone because it causes a manic swing. Finally when she was a year old I heard of some people with bipolar taking Wellbutrin so I have now been on Wellbutrin 300 mg a day since then. It does help but not as well as lithium. I can't breastfeed on lithium though. I am going to stay on it through the pregnancy, the risks of going off it are much more serious than any risk of staying on it. I was going to take fish oils but I can't keep them down. I have reflux and keep burping up the fish taste and then I get sick. Maybe I could go on them in the second trimester when I'm not so nauseous. I am also going to dehydrate the placenta and encapsulate it to take. That said, I am terrifeid that I am going to go like that again. I don't know what I'll do if I do. I know I'm not a perfect mom already. I yell at my kids too much. I just can't go like that again, it will damage my children so much. Also like I said I really feel like I stopped loving my son for quite awhile after my daughter was born. That sounds horrible but its how I felt. I am so terrified of feeling that way again about him or feeling that way about my daughter. Is it guaranteed that I will experience PPD again or do I have any hope. Oh I have absolutely no support system, all our family is 5 hours away and as much as we would both love to we can't move because we co-own a business and DH has no other work opportunities (not a college graduate).