Mothering Forum banner

IF you have more than two/Spacing

486 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Stevie
I have a thirteen year old, a two year old and a five month old. The two year old was practically another first child, with that spacing. But adding the five month old was very hard on me. We wanted him, we planned them that close, but once I had him, I had my first bout of ppd, it was just HARD, juggling two. Its gotten easier as he gets older/bigger and dd is use to him now. I have a friend who has three that close and says going from two to three isnt the adjustment that going from one to two was.

Its just that, we really want one more and Im 36 already. But now Im worried about my ability to juggle three that close togather and am thinking of waiting two or three or even four years, but that would make me 40 and my oldest one a highschool graduate!

Guess Im just looking for your stories, so I can see how others did it, handled it etc. The other side is, if I do wait, then these two will be ready for tball, gymnastics etc and I wont want to cuz I'll have a new baby, so doing it sooner seems better in that sense. But later seems easier on everyone.

According to me mother, I dont live in the real world (because we want another one at all). If this isnt the real world, I dont know what is!

At five months I just now feel like Im enjoying my kids again, instead of being stressed by all the demands. (That never happened with the first two, I enjoyed them from conception, well, morning sickness aside).

I guess my concerns are: one, healthy outcomes, "advanced maternal age" versues not enough recovery time between babies. Two, if I have them too close, will I get WORSE ppd, because I'll have three lil ones to juggle (though dd will be older by then, four or so) THree, if I wait am I taking the chance that I wont be able to concieve (though my grandmother did at 42 purely by accident). Plus there are financial issues: do it early and take the blow of another unpaid maternity leave when we still are recovering from the last two versus waiting, having more money to do it but not being able to do anything else for that long, because we will be saving for it (you know, no new car even though mine is ready to die any day now, just when we get to where we could take a vacation(by vacation, I mean a weekend trip to visit family, nothing extravagent) we wont because we'll be gearing up for baby, whearas doing it sooner prolongs our situation now but once we bounce back, we'll be done).

Oh, just give me your ideas/opinions/thoughts so I'll have something to think about. I cant find ANYTHING online about having a baby after 35 if you already have kids, everything is about the risks of having your FIRST baby after 35 and surely the issues are diffrent. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!

Oh gosh, maybe I shouldnt even be worrying this soon, but Im trying to decide if I need to start worrying about preventing, iykwim.

Of course he's only five months, when dd was nine months was when we decided it was time for the next one and I was pg. when she was 11mos.

My other concern is whats fair to all the kids. I feel guilty all the time that one or the other of my kids isnt getting as much as they need from me. DS gets put down a LOT compared to my first two that were totally "in arms" babies. I dont WANT to put him down so much, but I have to chase after dd and/or cook so I can feed the other kids etc.

What a dilema.
See less See more
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
My spacing is 2,3 and (still pregnant) 4 years. So I guess if we are going to have a fifth it will be 5 years, LOL. But then I'll be 39.

I thought it was so much easier going from 2 to 3 than from 1 to 2, but I have heard that going from 3 to 4 is much harder. We'll see.

I think it is important to listen to one's own body, and the need of one's own family. If you have the strength for another, it doesn't matter what your mom thinks. But if you are in doubt, think carefully.

I know several moms who have had their third and fourth baby after the age of 40 and they are doing just as well as me.

It is so nice to be pregnant with only (relatively
) big children around. But I can also see the advantages of having two close like my oldest two.
See less See more
My kids are 19 months apart and it was really hard on me for a long timeil. My oldest has mild special needs (which we didn't know about until she was 2), my youngest was a very high need child, and I had PPD.

I decided that if we were going to have a third, it would have to wait for several years. By the time I felt ready, my kids were 5 and 6 and I had developed some health problems that would have been made more difficult by pregnancy. I really didn't want to go back to the baby and toddler stages again -- it was so intense. I enjoy my kids so much now that they are bigger and less work (which sounds horrid, but it is true). We even checked into international adoption (to avoid me being pregnant and to start with a child who was closer to our kids ages) but ultimately decided that wasn't the right route for us. My DH and I are now settled that our family is complete with 2 -- our youngest was 7 when we decided for sure. This isn't something you have to decide right now.

My DH is from a family of 7 spread over 19 years. His mother was 43 when she had him. He is from a difficult culture (he grew up in Ireland) and never thought anything about it growing up. In Ireland, a child is always a blessing and kids in a family look after each other and help out.

I really don't think having a child over 35 is a big deal. It seems pretty normal to me. My sister has 3 kids, she was 36 with #2 and 38 with #3. She didn't have any problems or special test or anything. I think your previous pregnancies are a bigger indication of how things will go than your age.

If I were you, I wouldn't make any decisions yet, and wait until your youngest is at least 18 months old before you decide.
See less See more
mine wil be 3 years apart ( minus a month) and i feel like this is perfect for us..
my first 2 are 24 years apart
so the babies are definitely starting a new family for me and are children of my 40s. I did not start carrying them till they were born, so it's not the same for me. I'd like at least 2 more, but I don't see how we can swing it
See less See more
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.