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Bon Jody, Wow! My heart goes out to you and your son. I cannot think of a more brutal way to treat a child. Surely that action is classed as a "battery", and as such deserves jail time?

Good luck to you. Hang in there. We are here to support you.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bon jody View Post

i have been given advice to sue on behalf of my son but i don't know if i have the strength to do that. I will go to court for sole legal custody and the hospitals child protection staff will back me 100% and apparently so will the police. I spoke to the doctor that did it and he said there were about 3 or 4 people that went and he thought it was the whole family. They were suppose to be my friends too. My younger son is acting out now and is angry at me...i wonder if it is because he was there too.
I'm so sorry for what has happened to your son. I thought this might be of use to you. Perhaps not to use today or tomorrow, but once you are calmed down some & feel like you can think about it more easily: http://www.intactamerica.org/sites/default/files/Circumcision%20and%20Your%20Legal%20Rights.pdf

Sus
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bon jody View Post

i have been given advice to sue on behalf of my son but i don't know if i have the strength to do that. I will go to court for sole legal custody and the hospitals child protection staff will back me 100% and apparently so will the police. I spoke to the doctor that did it and he said there were about 3 or 4 people that went and he thought it was the whole family. They were suppose to be my friends too. My younger son is acting out now and is angry at me...i wonder if it is because he was there too.
I would reccomend taking legal action against all of the individuals involved. With the technology available today circumcision will soon cease to be a permanent harm.

Currently the organization foregen is heading these efforts.

If they could receive a large donation their work would accelerate rapidly.

It may not be easy but i believe that it would be best to sue your husband and his accomplices and join me and many others in supporting the work aimed at ending circumcision once and for all.
 

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I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm all for any technology to "fix" the harm of circumcision, but I certainly don't want anyone now saying it's okay to do it to babies now because they can always fix it when they get older! I think you know what I mean.
 

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Originally Posted by mare54 View Post

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm all for any technology to "fix" the harm of circumcision, but I certainly don't want anyone now saying it's okay to do it to babies now because they can always fix it when they get older! I think you know what I mean.
I agree. And, I can't see how advancements in technology could possibly bring back all the functions of the foreskin that nature intended. Not to mention, you can't undo the trauma and the pain of unnecessary, risky, cosmetic genital surgery.
 

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Originally Posted by Blueberry159 View Post
I agree. And, I can't see how advancements in technology could possibly bring back all the functions of the foreskin that nature intended. Not to mention, you can't undo the trauma and the pain of unnecessary, risky, cosmetic genital surgery.
Bolding mine. I wonder if there is a way to work through something like that? I don't think there is but I'm not a psychiatrist. Regardless, I find it quite interesting that the most violent places on the planet are the ones where circ of minors is the most prevalent. No one ever seems to make *that* connection though. So. Incredibly. Sad.

Sus
 
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I left the choice up to my sons father. I didn't know any better. The hospital asked while I was pregnant and he said "of course". No question in his mind. My son was born and before they took him to have the surgery, I signed the papers to allow it to happen. They explained what would happen "w will take him down and give him a little anesthetic and then we just pull up the extra skin, twist and snip. Then we will bring him right back to you. Do you want to come watch and stay with him?" (Sad that over two years later I remember every word she said to me). I still haven't found anything that supports her claim that they just "twist and snip". He didn't seem like he was in a lot of pain, but maybe that was because I exclusively breastfed and had strong pain meds for a few weeks because of my c-section. When family changed his diapers, they asked me why he WASN'T circumcised. He went through all that, just to look like it never happened?? He has always (since the surgery) had an incredibly sensitive penis. He cries out in pain when I change his diaper, even now, two years later. He has had adhesions, which were forcefully ripped apart by the dr when he was under a year old and again at 18 months. He has issues when he urinates, it kind of dribbles out instead of streams. I regret letting his father make that decision every single time I change my baby's diaper or hear him cry when he has to pee. I will not be doing this to any future sons I have.
 

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Wow, I'm so sorry for you and your son. It is so sad that the medical community refuses to be up front with the complications that can, and often do, result from a circumcision. Actualy all circumcisions cause damage but often it is not apparent until later in life. It sounds, to me, like your son may be suffering from meatal stenosis, where the pee hole gets scarred and narrow from being exposed to urine and feces in the diaper. This is a common ( 10% ) complication of circumcision and does not occur in intact boys because the foreskin protects the glans and meatus. Unfortunately the solution is more surgery. The weak dribble instead of a forceful stream when he pees is not a good sign and could end up causing further damage due to the back pressure and possibility that his bladder is not being completely emptied. You might want to do some research to see if your son is so afflicted.

Good luck, and I hope things go better for both of you in the future.
 

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That is unfortunate what happened to your son but it is certainly not unusual. There are several different methods of circumcision so it is difficult to determine which was used on your son.If you write down the name of the doctor that performed the circumcision and the hospital where it was performed your son will be able to take legal action against them when he gets older.

How many boys will need to have their lives shattered before this practice finally comes to an end?
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by karmal2 View Post

I left the choice up to my sons father. I didn't know any better. The hospital asked while I was pregnant and he said "of course". No question in his mind. My son was born and before they took him to have the surgery, I signed the papers to allow it to happen. They explained what would happen "w will take him down and give him a little anesthetic and then we just pull up the extra skin, twist and snip. Then we will bring him right back to you. Do you want to come watch and stay with him?" (Sad that over two years later I remember every word she said to me). I still haven't found anything that supports her claim that they just "twist and snip". He didn't seem like he was in a lot of pain, but maybe that was because I exclusively breastfed and had strong pain meds for a few weeks because of my c-section. When family changed his diapers, they asked me why he WASN'T circumcised. He went through all that, just to look like it never happened?? He has always (since the surgery) had an incredibly sensitive penis. He cries out in pain when I change his diaper, even now, two years later. He has had adhesions, which were forcefully ripped apart by the dr when he was under a year old and again at 18 months. He has issues when he urinates, it kind of dribbles out instead of streams. I regret letting his father make that decision every single time I change my baby's diaper or hear him cry when he has to pee. I will not be doing this to any future sons I have.
In my opinion, the worst part of circumcision, other than the immediate pain, is the adhesions. If they take too much off, there's a greater chance of the boy having discomfort during erections. If they take too little off, there's the adhesions. The doctors tell the parents and caregivers to pull the skin back.

I'm not ranting against you, but I'm ranting against the system or the mindset. It's a horrible mindset and it needs obliterated.

OF COURSE the skin will re-attach! It's nature's way of trying to re-gain what someone tried to fight.

Remember Jurassic Park? The scientists tried to re-create dinosaurs under artificial rules (only female dinosaurs, etc...) well...guess what happened? Nature won!

Anyway, back to adhesions...the adhesions are nature's way of trying to re-claim what it originally had.

The worst thing anyone can do, once they have their son circumcised, is to pull those adhesions back...but it's what the doctors say to do.
greensad.gif


I wonder if those same doctors tell parents and caregivers of intact children to pull the skin back...probably, because they don't know any better.
greensad.gif
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mitchell756 View Post

That is unfortunate what happened to your son but it is certainly not unusual. There are several different methods of circumcision so it is difficult to determine which was used on your son.If you write down the name of the doctor that performed the circumcision and the hospital where it was performed your son will be able to take legal action against them when he gets older.

How many boys will need to have their lives shattered before this practice finally comes to an end?
Here's the way I see it. You're walking down a forest path and get to a fork in the path. If you go left, certain things may happen. If you go right, other things may happen. There's no way to foresee what will happen, but you *can* get advice from other people who have gone down the path before...but in the end, it's all up to you. If the path you choose gets tricky to navigate, you can't go back. No matter which path you choose, it may or may not be the same experience as others.

A kid grows up whole with no issues and wants his own circumcision. The kid gets to make his own choice. In the end, he's happy.
A kid grows up whole and has issues...he needs to be circumcised. How many times does this honestly happen? Not too many.
A kid grows up circumcised and has issues. This is a problem and maybe the wrong decision was made. Unfortunately, the parents and child will never know.
A kid grows up circumcised and appears to have no issues. He can urinate, erect, and have sex with no apparent issues. Unfortunately, this is the only thing he's ever known, so there's really no way to compare.

Option 1 - Good choice
Option 2 - Perhaps a bad choice, but in all honesty, it probably won't happen...but if it does happen, it might be easier, since the penis is bigger. The kid can undergo a difficult surgery easier, since he is older, has a bigger body, and can be sleeping (with medication and sleeping gas) during it. He can also have pain meds afterwords. A difficult part might be refraining from masturbation...obviously, in a diaper, this might be next to impossible.

Option 3 - This is a bad choice, but there's really no way to change it.
Option 4 - If you look at it neutrally, it *could* be a good choice, but there's really no way to tell. If you look at it from a biased standpoint, it's really whatever your opinion is. Talk to someone who circumcised, and it'll be a good choice in their eyes. Talk to an intactvist, and it's a horrible choice.

With all that said, either delay the surgery as long as possible OR let him make his own choice. If he's 18, 20, 25, 35 when he wants to be circumcised, it'll be easier on him AND his penis. He can also make his own decision of how much he wants removed, something he can't say as a baby.
 

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I regret circumcising my son. I thought I knew what it was and I didn't. I was a valedictorian and honors student with a particular interest in biology and a nurse for a mother and I didn't research enough. I was not open to being attacked by some intactivists so it was hard for me to listen and I avoided information on their pages. I thought I knew the history of my religion and I was dead wrong. My son will suffer because of this. I only hope that he'll forgive me one day. If I could give a piece of my body to restore his I would.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by bugmenot View Post

In my opinion, the worst part of circumcision, other than the immediate pain, is the adhesions. If they take too much off, there's a greater chance of the boy having discomfort during erections. If they take too little off, there's the adhesions. The doctors tell the parents and caregivers to pull the skin back.

I'm not ranting against you, but I'm ranting against the system or the mindset. It's a horrible mindset and it needs obliterated.

OF COURSE the skin will re-attach! It's nature's way of trying to re-gain what someone tried to fight.

Remember Jurassic Park? The scientists tried to re-create dinosaurs under artificial rules (only female dinosaurs, etc...) well...guess what happened? Nature won!

Anyway, back to adhesions...the adhesions are nature's way of trying to re-claim what it originally had.

The worst thing anyone can do, once they have their son circumcised, is to pull those adhesions back...but it's what the doctors say to do.
greensad.gif


I wonder if those same doctors tell parents and caregivers of intact children to pull the skin back...probably, because they don't know any better.
greensad.gif
i disagree. when the scar line is healing, i think it's better to gently push the remaining tissue back to prevent those adhesions. i don't think doctors tell parents this anymore and that's why so many boys these days end up having a doctor rip the adhesion apart, sometimes 2 or 3 times, or worse than that, end up needing to be cut a second time! and yes, many doctors still tell parents of intact boys to retract the foreskin for cleaning. to me, it seems like some doctors in this country are intentionally trying to sabotage the penises!

i was told to push it back at every diaper change until it was healed (this did not seem to bother him as it never fully attached, just got a little "sticky") - my son had/has no adhesions, he's almost 9. his younger brothers are intact thanks to him.
 

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Do not believe the erroneous information you hear from the medical community. I am 50 and caught herpes when I was 20. Over the last 30 years and many dozens of outbreaks I have noticed that my sores only develop on the skin formerly covered by the foreskin. My father had himself circumcised at 21 because he said his foreskin pulled back only manually.

I was circumcised (butchered) as a baby, so I do not know for sure, but because "I am quite wide" I suspect I would have inherited the same retractability issue my father had. If my foreskin was only manually retractable like my father's, because herpes comes up on the points of contact and all my soars come up between my circumcision scar and glans, it stands to reason that I (at least) would not suffer outbreaks. It is also possible that difficult to retract foreskins developed (via evolution) to protect those people who are particularly susceptible to herpes. BTW, I have never been able to be married or have children because no woman has wanted to risk getting herpes. I have been alone for the last 30 years.

Many people are infected with herpes and don't ever show symptoms. That may be because the virus can enter the body through the shaft skin and outer foreskin which the virus does not like as much as the mucous membrane that lies on the underside of the foreskin. If there is any chance I am correct, please heed this advice because herpes can ruin your son's future sex and family life.
 

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Well, the man who wants to circ his kid has, in my mind, a common type of emotional denial that many circed men have. To not circ his child is to admit that there is something wrong, sexually speaking, with the father. That is probably too profound and emotionally destructive for the father to contemplate. His ego cannot even contemplate it, so he will continue to sell himself the illusion of being whole. He doesnt't understand that 20,000 sexual nerve endings have been removed.
This is America's dirty secret. Meanwhile, people are outraged that Ben Affleck will play the new Batman. I feel sick to even live in this country sometimes.
As far as my story, being circed screwed my life up. I had painful erections throughout my life. At one point, the skin began to chafe and fall off the shaft, since there was not enough skin to accommodate my erections. I suffered from premature ejaculation. I became a more aggressive/violent lover, since I needed more mental stimulation and physical friction to feel anything. my ex belittled me for being a poor lover. I became addicted to drugs to offset the pain and lack of pleasure I felt. But the worst part, was that I was ignorant that it was caused by a tight circ. I thought it was all my fault. I felt like garbage and even contemplated suicide.
Only restoration saved my life. Now I understand what sex is supposed to feel like. Pardon me while i be a bit specific here: I am now fully covered flaccid, and I have experienced pleasure I did not even know was possible: whole body orgasms, multiple orgasms, involuntary body contractions, and very powerful ejaculations. In short, I am now experiencing everything that my ex girlfriends experienced. I am feeling what was supposed to be my birthright. The glory and beauty of sensual pleasure that all people were supposed to have. When I think of what the circed man, as well as his partner, are missing, it is frightening.
I only add the restoration info, because I think this is about more than preventing future circumcisions. It's about saving and helping the people who are alive today and who are dealing with their mutilations.
 

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As explained earlier, I'm from the UK where circumcision isn't as popular as in the US. Against my instinct, I was persuaded to circumcise my first son by DH (who is) and his family (where all males are) and my ped.

Whenever I was bathing or changing my first baby boy, friends sometimes called or family were present and often watched. I always felt very conscious that my son's circumcision was very obvious. The problem is the exposed glans is really an internal part and a different colour, even when faded, from the rest of his flesh in that area. It therefore draws attention to his circumcision and I often felt embarrassed and wanting to say "it wasn't my idea to do this!". Of course I never said anything and neither did the onlookers. America is used to seeing circumcised penises.

It was different when on holiday at my parent's home in England, where my mother gave me a hard time over it and never stopped nagging me about it whenever she changed him. She has never forgiven me for allowing it.

Once in the UK, I went to the beach with a group of friends and our toddlers. Not having swimming trunks with us on the day, the little guys ran and played happily in the nude. No surprise my son was the only one without his foreskin. This attracted some discreet comments and discussion. There was no criticism but I felt uneasy as I blurted out a lame explanation about not wanting him to be different from his peers in the US.

Not long afterwards I took him to my parent's doctor for a check up about something unrelated. As this involved removing his diaper, the doctor commented; "Hello what's going on here, I don't see many of those!" (pointing to his circumcised penis) I was terribly embarrassed and felt guilty as I shrugged and said his dad wanted done.

Have any other moms had experiences like this?
 

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Thank you for this resource. Stupidly, I let my husband make the decision to circumcise our first son and didn't really do any research. After I saw a video of the procedure much later, I was so ashamed of myself for allowing that to happen to my sweet baby boy and every time I saw his scar, I felt overwhelming guilt.

When I became pregnant with our 2nd son, I didn't know how to convince my husband that I was not going to let that happen to our 2nd baby. I couldn't even bring myself to bring it up in conversation with him until I was 32 weeks. It did not go well. However, he agreed during that conversation to watch a video of the procedure. I want to share the email I sent to him, with the link of the video, because it was all it took to convince him not to circumcise our 2nd son. Literally the next day after reading this, he said "we don't have to circumcise." And that was it. I am sharing the following email in hopes that it can help somebody else convince their husband:

"Dear Husband,

Here is a video of a routine infant circumcision using the same procedure that our pediatrician uses (lidocaine injection followed by Gomco clamp). You said you would watch it so please, please watch the whole procedure with sound: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=bXVFFI76ff0#t=115s

This was hard for me to bring up with you but after I saw a video of circumcision for the first time about a year and a half ago, I couldn't stop crying and felt overwhelming guilt for not researching it more beforehand and letting them do that to our son.

I would like to talk about this some more when you are ready. I literally think about it everyday and the thought of it fills me with dread. I understand that you are coming from a different perspective but I also think that makes it hard for you to be objective. Times have changed and circumcision rates are going down every year. Can you imagine if circumcision was not the societal norm in the US and somebody approached their doctor wanting to do it? It would be considered barbaric but since it has been happening for the past 100 years, most people don't even stop to consider what we are actually doing to infants - cutting off a large part of his most sensitive organ at birth (when babies' pain systems are hyper-sensitive) for no compelling reason when I'm sure the foreskin evolved for a reason. Over 70% of the world does not circumcise and those that do are mainly for religious reasons (Jewish or Muslim). The US is pretty much the only developed nation in the world that routinely circumcises.

Please just think about everything I'm saying. I am sympathetic to where you are coming from, I really am, but I don't think we should be making this choice for another person. I also don't think it's something that should continue to be done just because it was done to the generation before, especially considering the history as to how it became so prevalent in this country (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_male_circumcision#Male_circumcision_to_prevent_masturbation).

If you would, please read this as well: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201109/myths-about-circumcision-you-likely-believe

Here is a thread of mothers who regret circumcising their sons. It was started in 2004 and is still going and is now at 35 pages: http://www.mothering.com/community/t/112410/if-you-regret-circumcising-your-son-s-please-post-here

Here is a Facebook page of people who change their mind about circumcision in the middle of having kids : https://www.facebook.com/FutureSons (just hit "Close" to go to the page)

I know you are an open minded person so please just take some time to think about all of this and let me know when you are ready to talk.

Love,
Wife"
 

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I think about and mourn my son being circumcised often, but I am feeling especially horrible about it today and so decided to get on here and share my story.

We have sort of a unique regret story. When I was pregnant I assumed I would circumcise - like many, I thought it was just "what you do". My husband is cut and I didn't know anything about the damage it does - I believed it was just an extraneous part of the body.

I began to research and became very defensive for a time once I discovered my ignorance. Slowly, I was able to get past my ego and come around and had firmly decided not to circ by my third trimester. My husband is wonderful and it was easy to get him on board.

Then my son was born (one month premature) and it felt like everything went out the window. His birth was horrible and traumatic for both of us, and he was born with a moderate case of hypospadias (where the opening of his urethra was underneath the head of his penis) and a hooded foreskin that was not fully developed. The doctor in the NICU assured us it was easily correctable by surgery, and told us not to circumcise (we were clear we weren't planning on it anyway) because the foreskin was used in the restoration process.

A couple months later, we had our first appointment with the urologist. When I questioned the removal of my son's foreskin and whether we should just leave his condition alone until he was old enough to decide for himself, he acted like I was crazy and said if it was his son, there would be no question in his mind whether to get the surgery done. I did some net research and discovered the only surgeons who use a procedure that does not involve removing the foreskin are in the UK. Of course, we didn't have the money to travel there. I posted on MDC and some said leave it alone, others said they had the surgery and seemed to think the benefits outweighed the cost.

I agonized over this. If we were to leave his genitals alone, I wondered how he would feel when he became conscious that his penis was significantly different from other boys', when he couldn't pee standing up, and how he would feel when he reached adolescence and later, and whether it would cause psychological issues etc. and whether he'd wish we'd just corrected it when he was a baby. But I also agonized over the loss of his foreskin, even underdeveloped as it was.

In the end, we decided to go ahead with the surgery. I (however timidly) conveyed to the surgeon that I'd like him to leave as much of the foreskin as he could, but he didn't really listen. Now he has a "normal" circumcised penis but I so wish I'd been a stronger advocate for my son.

Now my son is 4 and I feel so much guilt over him being circumcised. My husband believes we did the best we could given the situation, and some days I believe that and some days I don't. This is one of those days and I can't stop crying and feeling guilty. I love my son so much. I just wanted to do what was best for him and I don't know whether I did. I feel like it's all my fault because I drank soy milk almost every morning with cereal during my first trimester before I found out about its estrogenic effects, and I wonder if that's what caused the hypospadias (though I also found out it runs in my husband's family - but me consuming all that soy certainly didn't help I'm sure!).
 

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Aw, ashleybess, I just wanted to give you a virtual hug. Parenting is hard. I can tell how much you love your son and want only the best for him. Please, try to forgive yourself -- you absolutely did nothing to cause his condition (much more likely to have been genetic, but that doesn't mean it's your husband's "fault" either -- just very unfortunate). When he is old enough, just tell him the truth, and be confident that you made the best decision you could given the circumstances.

Again, HUGS to you!!! And chin up!
 
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