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If you waited until after to tell, how was the reaction?

721 Views 12 Replies 13 Participants Last post by  LoveChild421
I'm really only worried about one person I guess. But I'd love the hear how it went when people found out afterward that you had a homebirth. My stepmom is a nurse, and when I mentioned in passing that we were going to interview a midwife (not even that we wouldn't be birthing in the hospital) she immediately freaked out. I was heading out the door for the appointment so I basically cut her off at the time. But I am sure her reaction is going to be very negative, even after the fact, and I'm wondering how I'll handle it. She still thinks of me as 7 years old and is a very overbearing person in general. I'm mostly worried that I won't be able to be very polite, and that I'll just say something about her being grossly uninformed.
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When I told MIL about a homebirth (with my last pregnancy) she freaked out and got really annoying about it. So, I ended lying and saying that we had changed our mind and sticking with a hospital birth so that I wouldn't hear her comments anymore.
After my beautiful homebirth, dh called and told her how wonderful the birth had been. She was, best way to put it, surprised and impressed. I proved to her and everyone else that I could do it.
I told my parents about the homebirth but I haven't mentioned it to anyone else. I just figured its not really "news" and if they ask I will tell them, but I'm not going to make a point of it as I'm sure what the reaction will be.

I hope their reaction after-the-fact will be positive! And GL to you!
I got a lot of "wow, you're so brave!" and tales of ancestors' births before there were hospitals in town. I was pleasantly surprised by most of the reactions.
I've been working on a list of the top ten responses I've gotten. "On purpose?" and "How horrible that you couldn't have any drugs" are currently tied for the lead.
My mother was horrified, although she felt this was better than the midwife-assisted hospital birth I'd planned. My father and the in-laws thought it was great and rushed to tell everyone they know.
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Actually when people find out I homebirthed my twins, they usually think it is so cool and brave. My dad still doesn't know because he hasn't asked. We don't talk much though, he is pretty self-absorbed. I guess he has not even visited their website or noticed my emails because he has never mentioned the homebirth. I am sure there are people that think I was irresponsible but I have not received any negative comments to my face. Although I have been asked if I had an epidural at home. Uh, no!
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we get the- on purpose comment too!
we have had pretty much good reactions.
many people say- do they do epidurals at home? what did you do for the pain etc. many folks are confused? you did what? why??? then i just tell them i wanted alainas birth to be a miracle- not a medical event.
i had a homebirthing friend have a lady argue with her that they to do epidurals at home!lol!
once it is done there is not much to say- but when it is before folks may try to convince yiou otherwise due to their lack of knowledge i have found.
We told all of our friends and family, but most of our acquaintences didn't find out until after the fact. I got a lot of "wow, you're brave!" comments, which just annoyed me.

Although I thought I had told them, my grandparents didn't find out until after the fact, my grandma just told me she was glad she didn't know what we were planning, otherwise she would've been worried sick about me
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When people find out after-the-fact, I always get the "brave" comment and such. But usually people are pretty cool with it. Of course, I live in an extremely liberal area and HB's aren't uncommon around here (I have several good friends who homebirth that I didn't meet through MW, prenatal yoga, etc.).

One funny comment I get from people is, "Can the midwife do a c-section if needed?" That is such a silly question, and I think after they think about it they will realize that you can't have a homebirth c-section! But I've gotten that one several times already.
Gosh, I wouldn't worry about it. If you can make it that long w/o telling her, you really won't care once it's over. You'll likely be in such a euphoric haze, nothing will "ding" you. Both of my kids were born at home and yes, we got tons of OMG reactions and none of it bothered us.
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they knew we were having a homebirth, but not UNASSISTED........most were prolly shocked on the inside, but were like "wow neat" on the outside(potentially due to the fact that most people value their lives and i can be a formidable person, lol!).....honestly, most people think I'm so weird they would prollly just be like "oh, ya, okay," if we told them we'd flown to Mars to have the family was privately worried as heck, but to me, they were okay..very few impolite comments, as they know i simply wouldn't stand for them, and they like seeing their grandchild.....
We told no members of our extended family we were having a hb. When I called my parents to let them know the baby was born. My mom heard my other children in the background. She asked if they were already at the hospital. I then told her we had the baby at home. She said,"I can see why you didn't tell me before hand." When I told her that my 9lb 6oz baby was born in 1 hour and 1 min from first contraction to birth. She said,"Oh you butt." Sounds rude on a post but actually she was saying she admired me and was a bit jealous. My parents have been very supportive. My Aunt who I grew up with like a sister is only 9 yrs older than me and the head RN of an OBGYN unit flipped when my mom told her stating that the CNM should have her licensed stripped. I neglected to mention I used a direct entry midwife. No one asked. I wrote my mother an email to forward to my aunt stating very clearly my reasons for hb and that I expected her to respect my decision and my aunt has never brought it up in my presence. As for my dh family they didn't even know I was pregnant until the baby was born. They were more interested in the news I had a child than the fact we had a hb! My mil just said "Oh she is just like the pioneers!"
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My mom is the type to freak out and lecture me at every opportunity, but when I called her after ds was born and told her to come to the house- that he had been born there with a midwife- she didn't say anything but "I'll be there in an hour" in an excited, happy voice! My parents were in shock that they had a grandson and didn't even seem to give 2 flips about where it happened. My mom just wanted to make sure he was going to see a pediatrician soon.

About 3 or 4 months after the birth my mom made some kind of comment like "You're going to the hospital next time right?" to which she got a "nope"
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